As my children grow I have less time to myself and to be me.

RG2

Sat, Mar 17 2012, 11:11 pm

I have two children, ages 5 and 2. I find that the older they get, the more I have to invest in making them happy, the more I lose myself in them, the less time I have to myself to relax and recharge, and I find that I don't know who I am anymore! I know my job is to raise them properly, and to be a good mother to them. Don't get me wrong, I love my children very much and can be very protective over them. But it getting harder. We recently bought a house in a neighborhood with a lot of kids. Now that the weather is nice, all the kids are playing outside. I have to let my kids play outside of course or I would be shortchanging them, but it would be so much easier for me to make them stay inside! I have so much to do around the house, and they are still too young to go outside unsupervised, so I would have to go outside with them. This makes it very difficult to just prepare supper for them, forget laundry and other household chores! And on Shabbos, the day I used to be able to use to rest and recharge in the past, I now find myself running after the kids outside, and taking care of neighbors' kids who are in and out, providing shabbos party for everyone... It goes on. I also get concerned about tit-for-tat. What if the neighbor has my kids over one day, does that mean I have to reciprocate another day? That makes me feel like I should hold back from sending my kids out. Also, I don't feel well physically in the summer, the heat really gets to me. What am I going to do when it gets to the 90s and 100s? (I live in Baltimore). I am so grateful that we have wonderful neighbors and that my kids have great friends to play with. I also know that everyone gets to this stage at some point. I am not whining, and don't tell me that I am being a baby and need to grow up. I think that by being aware of what is an issue to me, and by trying to figure out how to manage this I am acting grown up. I am not saying I am special, just asking how to deal with it, how to make peace with it. Any practical suggestions?

TranquilityAndPeace

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 12:59 am

Can you build a fence around your yard, so that your kids can play outside and you can safely run inside for a few minutes to do laundry, knowing that they cannot get out of the fence on their own? That's what I did for a while when the kids were young.

When it gets hot, you may want to invest in a nice kiddie pool and lounge chairs and keep your feet in the pool.

What about hiring a mother's helper to watch the kids outside for an hour or two every afternoon while you tend to your indoor chores? She can be a 10 year old, as you'll be nearby, so you can get away with paying very little.