Kids making fun of home lunch

HealthCoach

Mon, Oct 23 2006, 4:37 pm

My 9 year old son takes home lunch because of allergies. The kids in his class (his friends) sometimes make negative comments about his lunch, and he feels bad. His lunches are normal (egg salad, tuna, pasta, sometimes even meatballs on fleishig days). He says he is happy with his lunch, but it bothers him that noone else is. Any advice?

roza

Mon, Oct 23 2006, 6:15 pm

First, your son should tell the kids that he does not like it when they are making fun of his lunch and ask them to stop it. (stand up for himself and clearly communicate his feelings to other kids)

If after the above they still keep making fun, then he should ask his teacher for help with this situation.

And if the teacher did not do anything or did not do enough, then you- mom call the teacher and ask to step in and investigate both sides.

Ruchel

Wed, Oct 25 2006, 2:24 pm

I agree with Roza.

Also... ask your child if the others couldn't be jealous that he has something "just for him" instead of going to school restaurant (often yucky and "repetitive" in the food they give), and a mother who takes the time to prepare it. I was in his case, for other reasons: I went to public school, so I needed a kosher lunch made every day... the other kids didn't laugh at it, but often commented that "their parents wouldn't have taken the time" or they wanted to taste, and so on.

If jealousy is the problem, explaining the reasons of this "favour treatment" (allergies) could help, and maybe sharing a bit of it.

lubcoralsprings

Wed, Oct 25 2006, 8:32 pm

roza wrote:

I disagree, I think you will embaress the kids by talking to the teacher. It's better to either teach your kids some coping mechanisms with kids that make fun of him or give him a different lunch. My kindergartner loves eating lox on his bagel but kids were making fun of him so I switched the lox sandwitch to a cheese sandwitch. I don't think it's worth him getting made fun of and now my son is happy at lunch time.

Mommastuff

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 11:50 am

I had "different" lunches because they were healthy. Instead of Gushers, I had carrot sticks; instead of pudding, I had cottage cheese. I was jealous of their sugar snacks and they in turn made fun of my lunches.

I think that if I had had the tools to defend my lunch and make it sound like I was the one with the "cool" lunch, the tables would have been turned. And who's to say that they really weren't jealous of MY lunch, maybe that's why they bothered me about it?!

And that's the way it was in high school - everyone envied my salad or my healthy leftovers instead a boring sandwich!

micki

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 11:58 am

I remember my mother would scrape the carrots, (not peel) and steam them. that was a snack. the carrots came out with gray furry things on them, from the scraping.
all of us siblings had to eat together, so we could stick up for each other quickly. we learned to defend ourselves and work as a team.
we also had nori for snack. (a seaweed)
and yes our mother loved us.

happymom

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 12:00 pm

I think this is a good opportunity for him to learn how to say what he feels. he can respond when the boys say negative comments with something like "I like my lunch and Id appreciate if you have something negative to say, to keep it to yourself...." or to tell them, "you dont have to eat it, I dont like those kind of comments...." its also good for his self esteem to realize that just because they are making comments it doesnt mean they are true, and if they dont stop, he can ignore them knowing that they arent true and his lunch is just fine (because HE likes it!)

Imaonwheels

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 8:22 am

I also believe in kids learning to defend themselves. I also believe in the school helping teach kids midos. Is it so impossible to speak to the teacher discreetly so he can take these bad midos in hand? the parent should work with the kid and the teacher with the class. Kids in Jr Hi and HS are cruel sometimes. I think it is because these bad midos are left to grow out of hand when they are younger.

HealthCoach

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 11:05 am

We have spoken to the rebbe, and the problem is somewhat resolved, although I don't think it was resolved with lessons on midos. While teachers should try to instill good midos in their class, a parent cannot rely on that. If they see that their child needs to work on something, they should do so with their child. Often a parent will not do anything if the situation is not out of control.