Jewish Mothers Guilt

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Is 2 years old too young for playgroup?

YES

13%

[ 13 ]

86%

[ 83 ]

Total Votes : 96

momofmultiples

Sun, May 31 2009, 10:11 pm

Ok, I dont really know where to start and I want to offload a shoulder load of guilt that is weighing me down. My twins b/g are two years old and the cutest kids on the planet b"ah (that is my impartial view lol). I just enrolled them for playgroup next months though they just turned two and this is the reason why.

They have as many toys in our dining room as any playgroup but they are not interested to play for more then 20 minutes in the day. They simply have NO interest in their Scooter, bike, cosy coupe, dollhouse, kitchen, doll stroller, garage, etc. etc. and if you tell me about overstimulation (I do pack away most and pull out different toys each day - tried it been there done it)
They will go out on the porch but that is not good enough they want to play on the street with the other kids (have you ever tried chasing twins 2 year olds running in different directions?)
They get bored and both of them insist on sitting on my lap for the better part of the day.
They are fun kids, and very friendly.
I felt that I cannot sit the entire day reading to them (which they love) because I work from home as well
I feel guilty with the DVD's they fill their head with but that is the little respite I get from them unpacking my china cabinet.
They seem to be bored...bored...bored.. and before you begin to chide me about activities... we color but they prefer to color on their clothes and faces... we go to the zoo, the park, for walks etc. etc. but how much can you do that. they prefer to unpack cupboard, play with the air conditioner, break china, stand on chairs to turn lights on and off, etc. etc.

So the decision was that since they loved being around other kids (they really do) and they cry to be able to play outside with the neigbours (which is way to dangerous as none of them have a backyard). We will send them to a licensed airy fantastic playgroup in the neighbourhood. We went to check it out once and then twice and even took one of the kids along and this was her reaction. She walked in and forgot we existed. After 20 minutes when it was time to go, she yelled and tantrumed and refused to leave and may I say, even introduced herself to the teacher without any shyness.

But nevertheless I feel like I deserve the aware of Worst Mom of the Year for sending them to playgroup so young, but then on the other hand I am tearing my hairs out to keep them entertained for long enough.

Phew this was some airing out - now why dont I feel better?

ganizzy

Sun, May 31 2009, 10:23 pm

u know, every kid and every situation is different.
my oldest I sent at 18 months!!! she couldnt be unsupervised for 2 minutes without shmearing toothpaste everywhere, emtying all the spices, dumping the flowers, shlepping the baby.... u get the idea. the first words my husband would hear when he came home were - bh now I can go to the bathroom!!

she loved playgroup and it was great for her. her first words were school. and she would get all excited when we would go.

when my ds turned 18 months, I couldnt even imagine sending him to school, totally not shayach.

so it has nothing to do with u as a mother but different kids need different things. give them quality time when theyre home and try to be updatedabout what the teacher is teaching in class bec the kids love talking about it (and chances are if the teacher doesnt tell u the highlights - u wont be able to figure it out from ur kids)

bnm

Sun, May 31 2009, 10:31 pm

I went to real school at 2 years and 3 months. I would love to send my 6 month old to playgroup-she needs other kids to entertain her.

amother

Sun, May 31 2009, 11:18 pm

My ds also just turned 2 kh, he doesnt have a sibling to play with and is very very bored! He has a problem though, he scratches other kids and a women who used to work in a playgroup scared me that she knows from experience if I send him to playgroup the teacher will try to discipline him (which is totally understandable) as they cannot have a child scratching other kids, but they may do harsh things like tie her hands or put her in the corner or in another room for a long time. He barely turned 2 and imagine if he were to be treated too harshly at such a young age it can traumatize him. I am in a dilemma what to do now

mimivan

Sun, May 31 2009, 11:54 pm

so, nu, if you think they would enjoy being a playgroup, send them!

If you want someone to give you a guilt trip for doing this, I can direct you to plenty of people who would be more than happy to chide you to your heart's content Wink

but if you honestly think they would be happier playing with other kids...by all means...if you really felt you deserved the "worst mother award" you wouldn't even think of sending them...so I"m not convinced you really feel it is such a terrible thing (and it isn't)

My issue is always what KIND of playgroup...I think that is more of an issue than whether or not...and I'd rather keep mine home (as I am now...my 10 month old anyway) than send them to a place where I've had to make too many compromises (been there, done that, regretted it, don't want to make the same mistake again iy'h)

but I'm reading your post and waiting for the shoe to drop, but it doesn't...it just sounds better and better...so I'm thinking "Why not?"

ss321

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 4:19 am

dont feel guilty at all. it sounds like your rambunctous little boys are more than ready to get out of the house at 2, and so that is what is best for THEM. When my DS was 2, there was no way I could even think about sending him away, he was totally not ready, and so my initial gut was "yes, 2 is way too young." but each child is different, and so long as you are truly doing this for the sake of your kids (which it sounds like you are Smile

), I cant see what is wrong with it!! I just beg you to check into the playgroup beforehand, these unlicensed basement type things - Im sure some are wonderful, but some are very far from it. Make sure that the type of stimulation you think is lacking at home -they will be able to get in that playgroup and that it is not just group-babysitting that you will be paying for.

merelyme

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 4:24 am

amother wrote:

Imagine if s/he had a great playgroup teacher and loved being with the other kids and the teacher gently taught him/her that scratching is not acceptable and your dc had a great time. Don't let this other woman scare you out of doing what you think is best for your child. Do check out the playgroup carefully.

Last edited by merelyme on Mon, Jun 01 2009, 4:33 am; edited 1 time in total

muss

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 4:33 am

There are plenty of parents out there who send their 2 year old and even younger to creche. Just think how many creche's are out there all filled with kids!! You are not doing anything wrong, it's totally normal. You just might want to send them first for half day and later on, maybe at 3 for full day.

zigi

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 6:18 am

each kid is different. in your situation it sounds like a good idea.

chocolate moose

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 6:58 am

Two isn't young. 14 mos is young!!

firetruck

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 7:04 am

It totally depends on the child!
My first one was so ready that I sent him to playgroup at 21 months and it was the best thing for him! He loved it and was so much happier when he was home.
My younger one will be 2 at the beginning of the school year and I can't even fathom sending him...he's just not ready, so he'll be home until we think he's ready to go.
If the kids are happy, no reason for guilt! Smile

happymom

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 7:23 am

I think as motheres we have a gut feeling when our kids are ready. it sounds to me like you dont feel your kids are ready, otherwise you wouldnt feel guilty. I could be wrong, but thats how I am. if I know my kid is ready I dont feel guilty but if I think of sending him before he is I do, so I end up waiting till two and a half or three.

momofmultiples

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 10:04 am

Thank you for all your wonderful input. It IS a licensed playgroup and I went to check it out twice, it is airy, spacious, friendly and I really do feel 100% confident with them, however, I just feel that I am not doing enough for my kids by giving them to someone else to occupy them.
Well today I will be taking them to the library to spend some quality time with them... mothers guilt is working tremendously well over here....

happymom

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 2:27 pm

thats great that you care so much. to do more things with them is a great option Wink

although im sure its hard at times. also, you can spend that money on cleaning help (if you decide not to send thtme) so that you can be out with them more.

mimivan

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 2:52 pm

happymom wrote:

She could be feeling guilty even if the kids are ready (mis-placed guilt is a real phenomenon) either because someone puts pressure on, in-laws, the Dr. Laura's of this world etc...

I know from personal experience, because I kept my oldest home till three, but he was really ready to socialize at two and I think the whole year proved nothing except my willingness to be a martyr He was either climbing the walls the entire year or was bored and I was trying to work at home and was driving both of us nuts. Plus, keeping him at home at that age did nothing to develop his social/language skills (I am an English speaker in an Israeli kehilla)

Now if the kids seemed unhappy to be elsewhere.that would be a different story.

Love My Babes

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 4:00 pm

I sent my daughter at less than 2 years for the reasons you are stating. I have only one and she was not interested in playing alone the whole day. even if I made lego towers and read her a book, its not like playing with other kids. from the minute she started it was so much better for her and for me. she is KH very active and was making lots of trouble at home cuz she was bored. (not that she stopped making trouble) I couldnt go out with her cuz she would make trouble wherever we went. she would run away from me. scream in the carriage, pull things off shelves in the stores, yell.... so being home was trouble and going out was worse cuz it wasnt my house she was messing...

do not feel guilty. this is what your children need and if you saw them there happy and not wanting to come home, then u should feel so good that at least if u must send them they are enjoying it. it might take some time getting used to. my daughter cried every morning, but the teacher would call me 10 minutes later saying that she was playing fine with the other kids. now she loves it. she learns songs and sings the whole day.....

amother

Mon, Jun 01 2009, 4:50 pm

if someone is a working mom its different to keep a child home. I am a stay at home mom, and some work at home moms tell me thier kids jump the walls, as mimi van was saying but although I bleiive in keeping kids home till three, imo its better for a two year old to be in a playgroup if the sahm workds because if thats the case the child cant get the attnetion and stimulation they need anyway..... so they may as well be in a playgroup

amother

Tue, Apr 17 2012, 10:36 pm

I went my son to a playgroup at 14 months he enjoyed it a lot , learned and socialized
send them! you'll be happier and them too!!

StrongIma

Tue, Apr 17 2012, 10:42 pm

this thread is 3 years old and the kids in question are almost ready for 1st grade by now.

Page 1 of 1