DS stressed out after my birth - how do I deal with it?

amother

Wed, Jul 11 2012, 8:50 am

I gave birth a couple of weeks ago. A day before I went to the hospital my MIL arrived. Kids loved her, accepted her right away etc (my mom and MIL leave in other towns and only visit once in several months). Next day I went to the hospital for a check and had to stay there to give birth. DH arrived there a bit later so MIL faced the fact that she has to feed the kids and put them to sleep (she never did it before. in fact our kids always went to sleep with me and dh, or just me).
At the end of the pregnancy I kept telling my son 4 yo that to have the baby, I will go to the hospital. But MIL didn't know that and she told the kids, mommy is "far away". She thought they would be scared by the hospital thing.
Anyway, my son went to sleep on his own and my DD 2 yo cried herself to sleep on the couch. that night I gave birth.
3 days later, I came home from the hospital. The kids loved me, loved the baby but stopped referring to MIL at all. Wouldn't listen to her, woldn't play with her, wouldn't let her do anything for them. As she left, my mom arrived and has been receiving the same treatment from them. DD warmed up by now and she plays with my mom and lets her put her to sleep, but DS totally doesn't. Every time she speaks to him, he screams or says something nasty.
I think he is traumatized by the fact that I went o the hospital and left them with MIL. Like, it turned out that she came so I could leave, that's why they stopped liking her any more after I was back home. And then the same attitude expanded as my mom came. he probably feels that her presence means that I can disappear again.
He used to have such a nice relationship with my mom! They had so much fun together. Now I am sad that the time of her visit is flying by and he just won't talk to her at all.
is there anything I can do?

ima22

Wed, Jul 11 2012, 10:43 am

don't put any pressure on him. let her help out with the baby as much as possible to 'free you up' to give time to him. the more you push, the more he'll resist her. maybe she can offer special opportunities for times you are not available without pressuring him to participate - special activity could be baking cookies, or play doh, a trip to the grocery store to pick out a shabbos treat for the family - something that is not a regular activity. set it up and if DD is participating but he does not feel pressured to, he might do it on his own.

good luck, he'll come around.
mazel tov!