sending my son to skl is a nightmare

amother

Tue, Nov 06 2012, 4:17 am

We have had several major upheavals lately and my son was never the best at going to skl beforehand.
1) he started off at PS but then dh finally got a job and we had 2 send DS on the bus and he was bullied by some bigger children (he is only 3.5) and refused to board the bus.
2) we were displaced for a week like nomads during the hurricane and slept at different houses every night.
3) I am expecting be'h in abt 3 weeks.
4) we changed him back to his old skl since is close to dh work but its a super long day. 6:45-4:30. He was so happy there last year but this year with new teachers he is miserable and today he refused to go. He had mega meltdown, cried hysterically and begged not to go. Dh had to leave b/c he clocks in and DS was running arnd naked and screaming.
I do not want to keep allowing him to take the easy way out but what do u do with a situation like this? Can I pls have advice from moms who are btdt? Also we only have one car and no walkable skls here I cld send to.

quiverfull

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 12:27 pm

What is btdt? Since I don't what that is, I'm not sure if am one or not, but I'll answer anyway! Actually, I first have a question.

Do you feel that it is very important for your child to attend school at this age? why or why not?

busydev

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 12:33 pm

quiverfull wrote:

btdt means been there, done that

auntie_em

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 3:42 pm

Is "skl" school?

Barbara

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 4:11 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not sure that I understand what you said.

1. Your son attended his current school last year, but for financial reasons, was placed in public school this year. He has since returned to his prior, presumably Jewish, school. Was he bullied at the public school? Or at the Jewish school?

2. Does he have special needs, or is he differently abled? I'm trying to figure out why a 3-1/2 year old would be in public school, and have busing; even for UPK, he would need to turn 4 by December 31. If he does have special needs, how does that impact his behavior and is ability to cope with situations.

3. Why is a 3-1/2 year old in school nearly 10 hours a day? Does that include commuting? Is there a daycare aspect to this?

4. Does this school meet his needs in any special or particular way? I am trying to understand your reference to "tak[ing] the easy way out" vis a vis a 3-1/2 year old.

Thanks.

bamamama

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 4:50 pm

School is not necessary at this age (or any, really, but that's another topic)and a long day like you describe could even be actively harmful if the child is miserable. You are not letting him "take the easy way out". You are respecting your very young child's needs by pulling him out.

amother

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 5:31 pm

Barbara wrote:

amother wrote:

OP here:

Skl= school Smile

To answer Barbara:

1) He started off the year (in september) in public school - morning sessions only- that totalled about 2.5 hours a day five days a week. We did it for financial reasons, and because it is the only school within a 5 mile radius. He absolutely loved it, but when my DH got a job that he needed to be at for 7am we needed to make alternate arrangements to get him to skl as we only have one car. We decided to pay a private bus company to take him as taking a taxi there and back daily with him wasnt a feasible idea. My DH works in a Jewish town. The skl is actively trying to recruit new students so they offered us to pay the amount we were paying for skl and bus together if we would send him there. Since DS was refusing to tke the bus, because there were older boys on the bus that he was either afraid of or genuinely bullied him, we thought this was a better option for him.

2) B'H my son is perfectly healthy. We were paying for the PS out of pocket because we felt he needed to be in a program as he is extremely creative/smart and gets bored at home.. the only 'issue' he has that also pushed us to send him to school is speech announciation, but nothing serious enough that would qualify him for services. He has zero behavior problems BH.

3) The 10 hour day would be because he needs to leave with DH at about 6:15am. He would not return home until about 5pm. This includes commuting.

4) By easy way out, I mean giving in to him. Allowing him to dictate whether or not he wants to go to skl, and putting up with his decision. Is it ok to allow a three year old to decide if he feels he should go to skl that day or not.

He has not been going nicely since my first post, and cries for me every day, so I am starting to think that it is just not worth it and to just keep him home with me, even though he will be very bored.

amother

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 5:44 pm

does he like the new school at all?
it sounds like he never adjusted to it, and if you ask him how he feels about school, will he say he hates school?
a 3 yr old is supposed to love school. I know my kids always did, and if I needed to keep them home for a day here and there b/c they didnt want to go it always paid off in the end b/c they would miss school and be happy to go back the next day.
if this process is not happening, I would look seriously into why he hates school. have you ever gone with him to school and spoken to the teachers, looked at the class, the kids? could be there is something wrong going on, and he's not telling you.

anon because I spoke about my kids

Mrs Bissli

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 5:46 pm

6:45-4:30 sounds like a veeerrry long day even for older children in Grades 1-2.

OP, I don't want to sound harsh but it looks like you're trying to fit your young son's schedule into adults' schedule, simply because of DH's work schedule and 1 car situation? Is there a closer school with less commute, or is there another school where you can arrange a carpooling with another parents?

Do you also work from home or outside home, ie not able to do activities with him? What do other children his age in your neighbourhood do? BTW, I don't know of any kids who were harmed because he/she was "bored".

chevron

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 5:56 pm

He's a 3.6 yr old begging you to tune in to him and realize this isn't working out for him. Talk to him and his teachers to find out what's going on.

MaBelleVie

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 6:12 pm

There is no way on earth any three yr old will be happy with that kind of schedule. It is literally beyond their capabilities to hold up for that many hours in a structured setting and commuting. I, a fully grown mature adult, would not be happy with that kind of schedule.

Aside from the schedule, if a three yr old isn't happy, you fix things for him. I can't understand what you would have to gain from forcing him to stay in the current setting. He is barely past a baby. It is your job as a mother to advocate for him and keep him emotionally healthy.

imasinger

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 6:39 pm

I agree with above posters. To summarize:

Your 3.5 year old was happy last year.

This year, he has different teachers, a VERY long school day, and is miserable, begging not to go to school.

You aren't sure whether your upheaval during the hurricane has anything to do with his behavior, and whether you would be spoiling him to let him have his way.

You are available to keep him at home, but are concerned about his being bored.

Do I have that right?

If those are the important facts, then you have a decision to make. Is it worse for him to be sometimes bored at home (and for you to work to keep him entertained), or to be miserable at a school where he is unhappy?

I wouldn't worry about the power struggle aspect at this age. He is too young to be acting like this just to manipulate you. If you absolutely feel that it is best for him to stay at the school, please talk to the teachers and the administration to see if you can problem solve, and fix whatever is causing him such anguish.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 8:21 pm

OP, go with the flow. Keep him home. When he's bored he will want to go back to school, a little bit at first, then gradually more. He's off the treadmill because of all the changes. Don't worry. It will work out. He is very young. Maybe you can get a chesed girl to play with and amuse him a bit every day. It doesn't have to be anything complicated. But try to get one who will be around for a good while. He doesn't need a procession of new ones all the time.

OP. Sometimes people just can't do what they are expected or urged to do. Just. Plain. Can't. So what. The earth will continue to turn.

Hugs. Sorry you had tzuris. B'Sh'ah Tova.

amother

Tue, Nov 20 2012, 9:14 pm

OP here. Thank you all. I was really looking for clarification that I AM doing the right thing keeping him home, and that I am not hurting him by not putting him in school to suit myself.

I have no problems keeping him home, for the record- I love every minute I spend with him. my problem was feeling guilty that he wasnt in school and having fun with friends. since everyone is telling me not to worry- then I wont! thank you again all LOL

MaBelleVie

Wed, Nov 21 2012, 5:16 am

So glad to hear that, op! Especially no reason to feel guilty if he wasn't happy there anyway Smile