Behavioural issues post-playdate

amother

Wed, Feb 27 2013, 9:58 pm

My DS is 4 and he has regular play dates at our house. I find that almost every single time his friend leaves, he goes bezerk. Today, he played so beautifully with his friend (it really makes me proud to see him speak to his friend with manners and play so nicely!), but then the moment his friend was picked up - and I mean literally that moment - DS started to cry about all kinds of random things. He can be kvetchy at times on any day, but I find that immediately following a playdate his behaviour is at its absolute worst. And it seems to be a consistent problem. I always serve snacks when his friend is over so it can't just be a hunger issue. And it's too early for him to be totally exhausted beyond ability to control his behaviour. I just don't get it! There's a part of me that wonders if maybe the issue is that he's just on his best behaviour when his friend is over that he needs some kind of outlet the moment the friend leaves...but why??? Is this a normal thing? I don't know what to do about it! Stopping the playdates is not an option.

imasinger

Wed, Feb 27 2013, 10:51 pm

Totally normal, and you are right about it being related to the stress of his working so hard to do the playdate right. See if you can help him relax more while it is going on. Offer extra transition support for when it is over (food, clear schedule, time and space to decompress). And keep practicing! He will improve at this over time.

Raizle

Wed, Feb 27 2013, 11:00 pm

are they doing any running around activities or activities that require physical exertion? Or are they just playing quiet indoor activities.
Could be he needs some rough outdoor time, with a ball or climbing equipment.

also, is it the same friend or are we talking different playdates each time?

amother

Thu, Feb 28 2013, 11:38 am

He has a few different friends who come over for playdates, and it's always an issue regardless of who was over. Due to weather as of late, most of the play time has to be indoors, but they sometimes do run around a bit. His playdates usually last 1.5 to 2 hours. Is that too long? He has one friend who is from a big family and it's one of those families that always has something going on, so the mother isn't so flexible with timing, and the boy is sometimes here for a longer time than I desire (even though, as I said before, they play beautifully together for the most part). I think I'll try talking to DS more about it on days when he does not have playdates....it's just very difficult and frustrating for me! I really lost it yesterday after he was basically crying/kvetching non-stop from the moment his friend left up until bed time routine.