How to explain to young child about touching self in private

amother

Thu, Apr 18 2013, 1:14 pm

Yes, you read that correctly. I am not going to tell my child to stop and that it is a sin.
My daughter is young and when she does this at home I just tell her that this is something that she can only do in her room. Well, tonight when I was putting her to sleep she told me that her nether region was hurting and that it was red. I asked her why it was red and she told me that she did what she does, but in her class (she is under first grade, so it was in free play time, I think) I told her that she should not really do that in her class because "you can only do that in your room". Then she began to cry and asked me if she did something wrong. I felt terrible.
Does anyone have any ideas of how I can really show her that she can not do this in her class room but that it is ok in private in her room at home? I explained to her that this was something that we dont do in front of people and she cried because she thought I was upset at her for doing something wrong. It was heart wrenching.

Would anyone have any ideas of what I can tell her? Or how to explain that one place is ok and the other is not? I am sure it is confusing for her.

Jewishmom8

Thu, Apr 18 2013, 1:20 pm

Do you think what she is doing is appropriate for her age?
Did you also tell her that it is also a private area that no one else is allowed to touch?
I think that you should take her to the dr if she is touching herself there a lot or it hurts her.
Something about this whole thing would make me very nervous.
Is she behaving normally otherwise?

amother

Thu, Apr 18 2013, 1:26 pm

Jewishmom8 wrote:

Oh please!!!! I am not nervous at all. She has been doing this for a very long time. I know that it is normal.
Appropriate for her age? Yes, girls touch self. That was not my question.
And yes, I talk to her all of the time about appropriate or inappropriate touch by others.

amother

Thu, Apr 18 2013, 1:43 pm

I touched self (well rubbed or put pressure on the area through my pjs) as a child. I was told that I can only do it in private cause its a private part. I def remember one time (I must have been 4) that it was hurting cause I overdid it and I went to my mother about it. she may have taken me to the dr but im not 100% on that. its not a sin for a girl. no ZL. I still do it occasionally when im having trouble falling asleep. until my mid teens I did it every night to go to sleep.

no one else ever touched those parts other then me before I got married. and behaved very normal over my childhood.

hatzlocha op.

amother

Thu, Apr 18 2013, 2:42 pm

I really like aebz's suggestion; it gives her the feeling that she's not doing something wrong, that you're not angry with her, and she's not a "bad girl" for touching self.

You can also tell her that this is something that people do in private and you can suggest her room (if she's alone, if she shares a room) or the bathroom, maybe even during a bath. If she is rubbing herself so hard that she is hurting herself, you can try encouraging her to use a gentle touch or "tickle" herself as opposed to really rubbing, which can hurt.

amother

Thu, Apr 18 2013, 2:56 pm

amother wrote:

Umm maybe something like this:

We do not get undressed in public, only in the shower, bathroom, our private room...etc. It is not wrong, it is just wrong in public.

We do not pish and poop anywhere, we do it in a designated private area, of course it is not wrong, it is amazing and we say a bracha after we do that, we just do it in private.

In the same way, when we touch in certain way, it is wrong in public. We do not do it in public...

If she asks more I think u can tell her that it is not wrong but many people think it is wrong...( try to find a similar example) and that it is ok that some pple think it is wrong...

Rolling Eyes