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amother

Sun, Jun 02 2013, 6:07 pm

Couldn't post this on the original thread because no anon posts allowed.

Allow me to tell you a true story of someone I know very well. He has a rags to riches story.

Chaim grew up poor. He started a business that BOOMED and made him around $500,000 a year. This was without having to pay rent, health insurance, and housing - all of that was covered by his parents.
-He was young, good looking, and had all of this money.
-He would rent out the fanciest, best sports car (changed cars every month) - porsch, bmw, mercedes, etc.
-Went out to the fanciest clubs, hotels, and fanciest restaurants.
-Traveled and often went on vacation.
-Owned a boat
-Wore only the top designer clothes
-Had the fanciest cellphone (not sure what model it was so many years ago?)

Guess what? He was extremely unhappy. He came home from work every day feeling like everyone was jealous of him, and therefore, he couldn't trust anyone with his money.
He had no real friends. They all wanted to use him for his car and for his status to get into exclusive bars.
He couldn't find any real girl to settle down with. He wanted someone who'd love him for him, not for his money. Someone who would want to know his soul, not his wallet.
He felt terrible daily and would suppress that feeling by taking drugs (of the "highest quality"), drinking the finest alcohol, and watching movies as much as possible. Those things all numbed his pain - but only temporarily.

Chaim's best friend, the only one he kind of trusted, began to become more religious. He urged Chaim to come with him to Torah lectures and to spend Shabbos with him.
Chaim agreed.

And now...

Chaim's my husband. He learns in kollel. He is one of the happiest people I know.
Our parnassa is from slightly over minimum wage, but our parnassa is not our living. It's a means to help us continue living. And we enjoy every minute of this life together.
As he says "there is no greater joy than being close to G-d."

amother

Sun, Jun 02 2013, 6:29 pm

Wow! Thats amazing!

amother

Sun, Jun 02 2013, 6:29 pm

amother above, what your story is a warning against is showing off, not being wealthy. big difference.

Imogen

Sun, Jun 02 2013, 6:45 pm

Enjoyed op story and agree it indeed shows the importance of not showing off. 2 sad ailments affect the overly materialist: being jealous and inciting jealousy in others.

imasinger

Sun, Jun 02 2013, 8:35 pm

I liked the story, too, and agree with its moral.

That being said, it may be a lot easier to appreciate a meager income if you have enough of a nest egg that you won't starve or go deep into debt.

amother

Sun, Jun 02 2013, 8:55 pm

That was a beautiful story, and there are many like it. But the problem with it, is that when young idealistic ppl hear it, they assume that committing to a life of idealistic poverty will provide instant happiness, the way they imagine striking it rich would. And are often disillusioned and trapped when they have to deal with the realities of not having. There's a big dif b/w choosing simplicity after tasting excessive wealth, and swearing off comforts sight unseen. The truth is, there are rich ppl who are miserable, and there are poor people who are miserable. There are rich people who are happy and there are poor ppl who are happy. Pirkei avos has the balance: it's not what you have, but what you do with it, and how you relate to it (hasame'ach b'chelko). Even in Kohelet, you see Shlomo Hamelech grappling with the right balance and perspective on affluence. And his conclusion is the same: as a means to avodas Hashem, anything can have kedusha; rags or riches. May you continue to be happy and blessed:)

amother

Mon, Jun 03 2013, 9:56 am

Honestly, while your story is nice, part of me thinks about what your husband could do with his amazing income instead of spending it on material items. We earn a similar amount but live relatively modestly. As a result, we can do awesome things with our money. Friends of ours lost their jobs recently and we're paying working out (anonymously) paying their mortgage for a few months. I'm so excited about this because it's going to help out so much with their stress level.

So the moral is money didn't bring him happiness but he could have used it to bring others happiness.

amother

Mon, Jun 03 2013, 12:55 pm

amother wrote:

And had he used the money to bring happiness for others, that would have made him a happy rich man!

zigi

Mon, Jun 03 2013, 1:06 pm

there are rich people who have the balance. live nicely and also give tzedaka, not me though I wish that I was rich. lol

movingagain

Sun, Jun 09 2013, 6:04 am

Nice story.

But can someone explain to me why when someone because frum he has to become poor?

It's always the same ending:'' we are poor but happy" . You can stay well-off and be ultra-orthodox

IloveHashem613

Sun, Jun 09 2013, 7:15 am

imasinger wrote:

I liked the story, too, and agree with its moral.

That being said, it may be a lot easier to appreciate a meager income if you have enough of a nest egg that you won't starve or go deep into debt.

My thoughts exactly! Nice story but not very realistic for most people, sorry.

ChossidMom

Sun, Jun 09 2013, 7:23 am

movingagain wrote:

Nice story.

But can someone explain to me why when someone because frum he has to become poor?

It's always the same ending:'' we are poor but happy" . You can stay well-off and be ultra-orthodox

I think they are "poor" because her husband is now learning in kollel. He chose the lifestyle that fulfilled him.

IloveHashem613

Sun, Jun 09 2013, 8:55 am

ChossidMom wrote:

movingagain wrote:

Nice story.

But can someone explain to me why when someone because frum he has to become poor?

It's always the same ending:'' we are poor but happy" . You can stay well-off and be ultra-orthodox

I think they are "poor" because her husband is now learning in kollel. He chose the lifestyle that fulfilled him.

Ya but my guess here is (and again I'm just guessing) that while they are "poor", they have their basic needs taken care of, probably some money saved up from when he was doing well. That's not the same as being poor as in no money to buy bread or pay rent.

amother

Sun, Jun 09 2013, 11:39 am

I am the OP. We are not poor! We have enough money for all of our needs (rent, food, transportation, enjoyable activities, etc) and are very happy BH.
The question is what does a person really need? Do we need a fancy car? Do we need to be able to go out to eat every day? Do we need enough money for designer clothes?
We don't need any of that, and I'm perfectly fine with not needing such things!
So, we drive an older, used car. So, we eat out once a month. So, we purchase clothing on sale and in bargain shops. Smile

The reason I posted our story is not because I think all rich people are miserable. Rather, I wanted to show that often times materialism just brings out what we're lacking. In my husband's case, he had it "all" but really had nothing: no meaningful friendships, no trust, no spouse, and of course, no emuna. Every Jew's neshama is yearning for G-d, and a person who is close to G-d, can achieve great heights in happiness.
Of course I think that rich people can be happy if money is used properly (like tzdaka), but honestly - just from my experience, it's very very rare, as it is a much bigger nisyaon in emuna to have money and use it properly.

amother

Sun, Jun 09 2013, 1:51 pm

Sorry for being sarcastic especially right now since well I'm sure that tomorrow I'm gonna be told I have no more jobs and without my job the only thing we can afford is mortage plus maybe either gas or electric bill.
I'd love to have the chalange of being rich. Not to constantly ( lately) cry myself to sleep because how the heck will we afford 1) food, 2) utilities bills 3) gas and the biggest expense of all 4) school tuition because our school could care less if you can live and pay tuition so they give some break but if cant pay then ur kids get kick put of school.
And I won't even go to talk about going to do something nice for ourself

So sorry but please G D give me the burdening chalange of being rich and actually being able to afford buying cloth for ur kids and paying all the bills that are necessary without seeing red in bank account or actually having plenty left to do something nice like a nice family outing or a manicure once in a while or wait : not dying from stress because of bills!!!

Sorry I'm anon bec I don't want to feel like a pity case in my community if pp know who am I. I already feel like a failure for not being to afford neccesities on DH and my salery which now will only be DH salery.

Sorry I guess it was of a vent/ rant so please don't mind my bitterness

imasoftov

Thu, Dec 27 2018, 8:40 am

I just found this old thread, and want to know how someone who started his own successful business now is poor. Even if he stopped working, doesn't he still own it? Or did he perhaps give it away? Or hire someone to run it for him and that person ran it into the ground? Even if it's fiction, the fiction still needs to make sense.

rovh613

Thu, Dec 27 2018, 10:17 am

imasoftov wrote:

Businesses can fail for many reasons.

zaq

Thu, Dec 27 2018, 10:44 am

I detest stories about fabulously wealthy stockbrokers or real estate people who "got out of the rat race" and retreated to an organic farm in New Hampshire where they raise organic goats and pesticide-free children and are blissfully happy despite clearing only $20K a year selling their organic goat cheese and milk. These people are not living on $20K a year. They are living off the comfortable investments that they made while they were still in the rat race.

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Dec 27 2018, 10:48 am

imasoftov- op said straight out that they aren't poor later on.
"I am the OP. We are not poor! We have enough money for all of our needs (rent, food, transportation, enjoyable activities, etc) and are very happy BH. "

zaq

Thu, Dec 27 2018, 10:50 am

amother wrote:

I am the OP. We are not poor! We have enough money for all of our needs (rent, food, transportation, enjoyable activities, etc) and are very happy BH.
it is a much bigger nisyaon in emuna to have money and use it properly.

Baloney. It is a much bigger nisayon in emunah to NOT have enough money for all your needs, to wonder where the next meal is coming from, to have $17.32 in your checking account and $5.49 in your wallet when the rent is due, and so on.

If you have enough for all your needs including disposable income for "enjoyable activities" without depending on government programs, then you're squarely in the middle class. Why shouldn't you be happy? "Middle-class but happy" is nothing to marvel at. "Poor but happy" is a different story.

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