How "cheap" (bad) is this?

amother

Tue, Nov 19 2013, 11:29 pm

For DC's birthday in school we're supposed to give a "gift" to the class. Handbook says a gift worth at least $36. On one hand, that is more than I ever spend on anything for my own kids, I'm on a very tight household budget overall, I consider it a heroic effort that we pay tuition with no questions asked. On the other hand, it's my only (first) kid in school at this time, so what's $36 as a one-time thing... So, ideally I would have kept a very close eye on sales and spent $15 to buy something worth $30 and call it rounded. However, as this is my first kid in school, I didn't really know what to expect, what is good to give, and just how fast this would sneak up on me. So I didn't catch any great deal on something suitable earlier, probably summertime was the last time I saw great deals on preschool level toys or books, until now/gifting season. Meanwhile, it's suddenly birthday time, birthday is before Black Friday and there isn't much time to order things with shipping even if I do see the metziah. So I'm in a bit of a bind.

For my own kids, I keep a stash of things I've received as hand-me-downs, gifts (e.g. we either got too much at birthday time or some well-meaning older relative gave something not age-appropriate) or found super super discounts on, and pull out from there when I need a present or a diversion. Even hand-me-downs I usually get only in great like-new condition and often re-gift. So I went "shopping" for something appropriate to give to school. I found a couple of toys that I don't love enough to really really want to keep for my kids. Like new, all pieces, self contained so no missing box just missing the shrink-wrap. One is a perfectly nice toy, age-appropriate, enjoyable, just I figure if I have to give away something that one doesn't look like quite as much fun as others and wouldn't be missed as much (and I definitely wouldn't miss the little pieces, with a baby around here too). The other, frankly, is annoying and if I didn't give it to the preschool I would probably want to chuck it out the window. It's one of those things that makes noise when you put the pieces together. It's also too easy for DC but I bet it is right for other kids the same age, DC is very skilled. The two toys together are worth $30-something in retail.

How bad is it to take this as the easy way out? Do I come off looking way too stingy or is it acceptable?

FranticFrummie

Tue, Nov 19 2013, 11:36 pm

I would give them what you have.

When DD was in private school, it drove me CRAZY how they would nickel and dime you for every little thing. Paying tuition is hard enough, but it seemed like every other week there was some event that DD had to either bring extra money for, or make, or supply, oy, the list went on forever.

Why can't they just build all those extras into their budget and adjust the tuition accordingly?

Sorry. Pet peeve. Angry

Frumdoc

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 3:36 am

1. Not at all bad, just resourceful.

2. What do they mean, a gift to the class? Does it mean a toy to be used in the classroom? Or peckelech to give out for a school birthday party. From what you're saying, sounds like the former, but I don't understand why a school needs to demand a present from every child worth a significant amount for the school's use. What does this have to do with a birthday? And demanding a cost that is more than you would spend is chutzpadik, although I appreciate it might not be difficult for all parents.
I just don't understand what the point of this gift is, and kol hakavod to you for working on paying full tuition and not making your child stand out in a negative way.

Raisin

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 4:22 am

I dont think it is a problem at all.

yo'ma

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 5:32 am

Everybody answered you, so I'm not, but $36????? That's an awful lot. If I'm remembering correctly when I made a party in the states I was told $10.

notshanarishona

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 5:42 am

I dont see any probkem being cheap.
I dont like being forced into donations. Why should you have to give a gift?!

zaq

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 10:16 am

You go girl! I would do exactly the same thing. The school is being extortionate.

Like frumdoc, I don't understand why they need a "gift" of a new plaything for every child's b-day, though I do think having the b-day child do some giving rather than just receiving is good chinuch and a nice counterbalance to the "gimme-gimme-gimme" of which we see way too much in our society.

Barbara

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 10:34 am

zaq wrote:

I don't think its extortionate. It gets a wide variety of new things for the kids without a raise in tuition, and is a nice way to celebrate a birthday in school. DS' preschool didn't require a gift, but it was suggested. Most people gave books, which were read to the class at circle time in honor of the birthday child. A sticker was then placed in the book, "2013, in honor of Yaakov Cohen's 4th birthday."

booboo24

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 10:36 am

my dd just had a birthday in school also, I was told no more than $10, and preferably a book for their class library. I never understood this concept of giving a gift to the class. I brought in the pekelahs, and cupcakes.....why does the class need a gift...

zaq

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 10:38 am

Yes, but at least $36? IMO that's extortionate.

groisamomma

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 10:50 am

It's a suggested gift to the class, in honor of the child's birthday. Some people send a book or two to donate to the classroom library, and some choose to send a new game or toy.

I prefer to use the money to make dd pekelach for her party at home. Lots of parents don't send anything either. Nobody cares or keeps track at my kids' school.

amother

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 10:50 am

OP here. In concept I think it is a fine idea - a good way to keep the school's collection fresh, and the kid feels good about giving, I'm all for it. When I was a kid the parents paid the school a fee and a book was donated to the school library for the kid's birthday. But I do feel $36 is a lot. Also, I like this idea better than a fee or a tuition raise because this way we do have a chance to get something on sale and give the same value for less money. I was just too dumb to do that in time.

DC loves books so much that I don't think we can part with any, though it would be the perfect idea... I think I will give the toy from my closet but not the noisy one because I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Why would I want my kid to be in a classroom full of noisy toys? Play time is noisy enough already. I will donate the noisy thing somewhere else and give the school a different toy that DC would enjoy but probably not enough to really miss having it at home.

mummiedearest

Wed, Nov 20 2013, 8:30 pm

if you want to get rid of the noisy toy, give it. don't worry about not wishing it on anyone. noisy toys are often more welcome in preschool classrooms than in homes. the morahs might actually like it.

good for you for giving away secondhand toys. the kids will love them. don't worry about it.

greenfire

Thu, Nov 21 2013, 12:23 am

get them a pack of pencils ...

I don't know why I said that ... it just seems absurd to demand a present ...

how do you give a present to the class ?

LoveMy2Kids

Thu, Nov 21 2013, 11:00 am

If you live near a Michael or A.C. Moore, I find you don't have to look for a special. Your best bet is to get something with a 50% or 55% off coupon. This time of year, they seem to have them all the time.