Tired of being an eishet chayil

Eemaof3

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 6:18 pm

I am tired of it all! I work 2/3 time, take a certification course, run carpools, run kids to activities, shop, cook, clean (actually no I don't), prepare for a simcha in a few months, do laundry, organize, blah, blah, blah. Today is just one of those days I am trying to balance work and kids and prep for Shabbat and details for simcha and I am burned out!!! I cannot think enough to plan and remember who likes what and who wants what to eat. I am trying to lose weight but never have a chance to work out and never plan my own meals so I end up eating junk. Just yelled at my kids and only feel moderately bad because it was deserved but probably was not necessary. Don't know how to change anything but needed to scream in my virtual world.
Anyone else out there like me?

amother

Thu, Jan 23 2014, 6:26 pm

Yes me, I totally get you. I would love a break. Maybe you should take a nice vacation with dh only or some friend if possible? maybe you need to hire some household help? A shuir about caring for children or wifing dh can help. Good luck

amother

Fri, Jan 24 2014, 12:53 am

sayinghi wrote:

I was just telling dh that I think frum women are the most overworked segment of the population! We always need to do it all! Welcome!

One of the reasons they better portray and give over Judaism to frum women in the best way possible.

Ruchel

Fri, Jan 24 2014, 9:07 am

All moms of large families who also work are the most overwhelmed if they are not helped.

I do not think it applies to all frum women.
Some have small families.
Some have a non working husband who does a LOT.
Some have a working husband who also does a lot and split the chores really well.
Some swear by looooots of cleaning help.
And some circles even do live ins!

You don't "have" to do it all, unless dh is disabled, or working 70 h a week...

Eemaof3

Fri, Jan 24 2014, 4:11 pm

So last night dh saw how freaked I was and quietly came into the kitchen to help tidy up and clean up around/behind me. I was somewhat annoyed ("sure, now you help") but I really appreciated it. DD and I have worked together this afternoon and I feel better. All the work is still waiting out there for me (I.e. laundry in 2 baskets, dishes, etc.) but I feel a little better going into Shabbat.
Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. This is why I take a moment to go on Imamother.
Shabbat Shalom!

bubbebia

Sat, Jan 25 2014, 8:42 pm

OP, I feel your pain. You sound like I used to before my kids grew up and left. And that was with a husband who helped out. There are just times when we are overwhelmed but our nature as frum women, especially, is to bite our tongues and do it all. And then we blow up. Sometimes that needs to happen to get people to pay attention or just when we have gone over our point of tolerance.

We need to learn how to ask for help before we reach that point and that is something that is hard for us to do because we have been raised that these are our tasks as good Jewish wives and mothers. How old are your kids? Is there some way you can begin to harness their help for some small, simple tasks like sorting laundry, clearing and setting the table, etc.? There is no reason even the smallest children can't learn how to help around the house. "We all have jobs to do in the house to make our family work properly". But first you need to sit down with DH and ask him for a little help. Especially since you are so stressed out with the upcoming simcha.

And don't forget to take a little time out for yourself to chill out. Go get a manicure, have coffee with a friend at a cafe, etc. Just an hour or 2 can make a big difference in how you will feel about it all.