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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
do you find it
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offensive |
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21% |
[ 12 ] |
flattering |
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17% |
[ 10 ] |
neither |
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61% |
[ 35 ] |
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Total Votes : 57 |
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greenfire
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Thu, Mar 13 2014, 11:49 pm
unless I gave birth to you !!!
I find it offensive to whomever birthed you & changed your diapers & struggled to raise you
as I would be offended if my children called someone else mom/mama/ima/mother/etc
what's your thoughts on subject
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monseychick
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Thu, Mar 13 2014, 11:52 pm
What if your mother was abusive to you your whole life, and your MIL is the sweetest nicest, most caring woman on the planet
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chatouli
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Thu, Mar 13 2014, 11:53 pm
I voted neither because I learned it's inappropriate to call my inlaws by their first names and Mr. and Mrs. X is way too formal. So I called them Ima and Abba until we had kids. (I call my own parents Mom and Dad, so this felt less like I was cheating on my parents.) I know lots of people who do it this way and I definitely don't see it as an insult to my own mother. Trust me, no one was ever confused about who my real mother is.
Now, by default, I call them Saba and Savta, which suits all of us better.
edited for clarity
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busydev
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Thu, Mar 13 2014, 11:59 pm
my parents are mommy and daddy and my inlaws imma and abba so I did not feel like I was replacing my parents. and like the pp said, now they are mostly called savta and saba.
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greenfire
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 12:06 am
okay I'm not just referencing in-laws although I would include that ... but how about friends of your children - or your friends to your parents or your kids to their friends' parents
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greenfire
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 12:10 am
monseychick wrote: | What if your mother was abusive to you your whole life, and your MIL is the sweetest nicest, most caring woman on the planet |
btdt have the t-shirt ... works until the truth come out - only with the fil who turned out to be just a false sweetness that couldn't care less when the dxh left me with our children high & dry
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black sheep
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 12:18 am
I personally don't think it is a big deal at all.
on the other hand....
"don't call me daughter, not fit to, the picture kept will remind me"
okay, I didn't really have a point there, your title just reminded me of that song....
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yo'ma
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 7:12 am
I voted neither, but I find it annoying. Here it's normal.
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Beyla
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 7:17 am
I think it's just strange.
Everyone has a name to be called. Why one would choose mom?
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SplitPea
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 8:01 am
Dh and I are ima and aba. We have very close friends who are mommy and totty. Our kids call the wife mommy and she has called me ima before. I won't refer to her as "mommy" to my daughter becuse its too weird but my dd does not know what mommy means. To her its just another names. (I refer to her as Aunt ____)
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greenfire
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 10:17 am
one of my kid's friends keep calling me different variations of mother ... & I keep explaining to him that I am not his mom & I find it offensive in the name of his mother ... so the next time he sees me he calls me 'mom' instead of 'mama' - take 3 ... maybe he just fried his brains
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dr. pepper
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 10:42 am
greenfire wrote: | okay I'm not just referencing in-laws although I would include that ... but how about friends of your children - or your friends to your parents or your kids to their friends' parents |
Look, I'm sorry for your experiences that sound hurtful and I guess I can't judge as I haven't had anything like that.
However, from my end, I cannot for the life of me figure out what in the world the problem is with calling my in laws by Mom/Dad, even if that's what I call my parents.
Is my relationship with my parents to tenuous that if I call my inlaws Mom/Dad, it calls into question my relationship with my own parents?
Like someone's gonna say "oh no, she must be confused as to who her actual parents are!"
Seriously, to all those, I say: get over it and figure out how to qualify your relationship better with your children that it doesn't hinge on the name they call you vs. their in laws.
Sorry for the strong words; I happen to feel strongly about this topic, in case you couldn't tell
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naturalmom5
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 10:46 am
dr. pepper wrote: | Look, I'm sorry for your experiences that sound hurtful and I guess I can't judge as I haven't had anything like that.
However, from my end, I cannot for the life of me figure out what in the world the problem is with calling my in laws by Mom/Dad, even if that's what I call my parents.
Is my relationship with my parents to tenuous that if I call my inlaws Mom/Dad, it calls into question my relationship with my own parents?
Like someone's gonna say "oh no, she must be confused as to who her actual parents are!"
Seriously, to all those, I say: get over it and figure out how to qualify your relationship better with your children that it doesn't hinge on the name they call you vs. their in laws.
Sorry for the strong words; I happen to feel strongly about this topic, in case you couldn't tell |
Like *. 10^I
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amother
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 11:12 am
I grew up in circles where calling your in-laws Mom and Dad (or some version thereof) was not the norm....Got engaged to a DH where it is! My MIL hugged me and said "Please call me Mommy" and over her head I could see the frown lines on my mother's face.
Ended up asking my LOR, and he told me to call them as they requested, but not in my parents' presence. This has worked for me, though I gotta say I have never been comfortable with it. My in-laws are nice enough, but they are NOT my parents.
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amother
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 11:33 am
my mother is Mommy. When my brother got married she told my SIL to call her Mom, it's a term of endearment but different then what she calls her own mother (also calls her mother Mommy). It worked for my SIL and my mother.
When I got married I did the same with my MIL. My dh's BIL calls my in-laws by their first name so it took them a little time get used to me saying Mom and Dad but it works and they are happy with it. I wouldn't feel respectful to call them by their first names and it's weird (IMVHO) to call your inlaws mr and mrs.
I don't call anyone except mother and MIL any such term though, I think it's weird. Never hear of such a thing unless you mean calling someone Mommy Stern or something like that with a last name attached- I've seen a kid call his friend's mother like that one time but never without the last name.
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chocolate chips
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 11:39 am
My in laws are called "shver and shvigger" by all other sils and dils. I couldn't bring myself to use that...it is so weird to me. I just don't call them anything, occasionally shver/shvig but mostly now babby and zeidy because my son calls them that.
When we got married my dh called my father shver and I said my parents are young, I am the oldest they are NOT shver or shvigger they are mummy and tatty so that is what he calls them and my other bils too.
I don't find it wrong or degrading or strange. They gave birth to your dh, and while maybe they didn't to you but you are married so you are a daughter (in law) to them.
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MMCH
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 12:50 pm
im also confused. what is the big deal?
I call my mother mommy. the day my oldest brother got enganged, she told DIL#1 to call her mommy. and she does
my mother in law is too quiet to tell me to do anything, but I call her Mom/Mommy wtvr
am I missing something?
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Ruchel
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 12:57 pm
It's all cultural. Mom to me is natural or adoptive mom. If your MIL has one of those roles in your life, go ahead.
Now, I wouldn't mind being called so by my CIL if their own parents let. I can be shvigger too. Or sabta/bube/Nona. Or mamy/mémé/other non Jewish grandma name.
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perquacky
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 1:01 pm
DH calls his parents Mom and Dad, and that's what I call them. I'd have a hard time calling my MIL Mommy. Mommy is the person I used to cuddle up with (and wish I still could sometimes!). Mommy is MY mother.
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ectomorph
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Fri, Mar 14 2014, 1:23 pm
Greenfire, can I call you Grandmama?
Also, I called my in laws mommy and totty from the beginning. figured it would be less awkward.
and also, as our relationship improved, it became more natural.
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