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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
Would you let your child marry child of donor father?
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Yes |
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31% |
[ 45 ] |
No |
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46% |
[ 68 ] |
No because my son is Cohen |
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4% |
[ 7 ] |
Depends how child was raised |
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8% |
[ 12 ] |
If father's whereabouts are known |
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4% |
[ 6 ] |
Other |
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4% |
[ 7 ] |
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Total Votes : 145 |
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watergirl
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 4:38 pm
Of course I would, assuming its a good match with my kid. Why on earth should that child have to suffer for something that s/he didnt choose? Its not right and imo, its part of whats wrong with the shidduch system. My opinion on if its right or wrong for a woman to choose this route to become a single mom has nothing to do with the child.
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13
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rosehill
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 4:47 pm
I don't plan on *letting* my children marry anyone. They will choose who they want to marry. I will be as involved in the process as they want me. If they're old enough to be married, they're too old to be asking Mummy for permission.
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30
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Rubber Ducky
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 4:48 pm
watergirl wrote: | Of course I would, assuming its a good match with my kid. Why on earth should that child have to suffer for something that s/he didnt choose? Its not right and imo, its part of whats wrong with the shidduch system. |
I wouldn't let my child marry a mamzer, and that's not the kid's fault either -- and also halachically not allowed.
But a donor father? Especially if the sperm donor is not Jewish, there's no chance of mamzeirus. So if the young lady seemed a good match, it would be my son's decision.
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12
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shabbatiscoming
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 4:55 pm
Im with rosehill. Who my child will marry will be their decision, completely. I will only be as involved as my child will want me to be. No checking up from me.
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9
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amother
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 4:58 pm
While I think this is something that SHOULD be disclosed to a potential spouse I DON'T think the parents should know. It's none of their gosh darn business. If the potential spouse has a problem with it or wants to discuss it further I would hope they would turn to a rav and not their parents who are best off not knowing certain personal details about their spouses.
(I had somewhat similar issue with my husband whose maternal grandmother was a convert. I found out while doing research because someone felt their loyalties to me were more important than to him. I didn't tell my parents because I know his family keeps it secret and quite frankly their opinion didn't matter to me because I was going to marry him anyway (plus, I'm fairly certain they wouldn't care...especially since there is no risk of my children NOT being Jewish and I know their were ok with my brother dating girl in same situation). Ultimately I ended up telling them because I didn't want them to find out from some other source and feel silly for not knowing).
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SplitPea
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 4:59 pm
Ummm.... Yes but I would also allow my child to marry a convert, a BT, a black Jew, a rich Jew, a poor Jew etc. as long as they are a good match for my child.
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22
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Ashrei
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 5:03 pm
When I first read the subject, I thought you were asking if I'd let my child marry someone who's father donated a kidney! (had the kidney donor thread on the brain I guess) --well in that situation absolutely!
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6
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Zehava
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 5:05 pm
No. I draw the line somewhere. And this is somewhere beyond my line.
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8
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gold21
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 5:07 pm
I don't see it as a problem....
What's the issue exactly? It's a jewish child regardless...
ETA: ok, I didn't understand the question.... read my next post in this thread
Last edited by gold21 on Thu, Apr 03 2014, 5:24 pm; edited 1 time in total
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etky
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 5:09 pm
All things being equal, I would be more comfortable knowing who the father was for an assortment of overwhelmingly non-halachic reasons. I would also prefer for the potential spouse to have had some sort of relationship with his/her father or at least to know his identity and something about him.
That said, if If it's the right person for my child then this fact will of course overide everything.
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4
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bubbebia
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 5:16 pm
Basically, Rosehill hit the nail on the head. It's not a matter of my "letting" my kid do anything. If they are adult enough to get married, the decision is their own.
The only potential issue I would have is knowing that the sperm donor is definitely not Jewish. Then the potential for CV"S marrying a biological "sibling" would be close to nil. To me, that's the only issue here.
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7
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gold21
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 5:20 pm
Oh LOL I didn't mean I would be OK with a child conceived by a single woman via sperm donation.
Um... That would be a very complicated decision to make, I think...
I meant a child conceived by sperm donation for a married couple undergoing IVF...
I should have read the linked thread in the OP, huh?
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6
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SplitPea
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 5:25 pm
Those that say no. What about a BT who was raised by a single mother and the mom does not know who the dad is. But the BT is an amazing ben Torah and great fkr your kid?
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9
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shabbatiscoming
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 5:26 pm
bubbebia wrote: | Basically, Rosehill hit the nail on the head. It's not a matter of my "letting" my kid do anything. If they are adult enough to get married, the decision is their own.
The only potential issue I would have is knowing that the sperm donor is definitely not Jewish. Then the potential for CV"S marrying a biological "sibling" would be close to nil. To me, that's the only issue here. | But I dont get how that would be a problem, about a biological sibling. If you know that your husband never donated sperm how can it be a sibling?
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10
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morah
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 6:40 pm
I'm going to interpret "let" as "be ok with". Even if the child is making the choice, the parents may or may not like it. Barring actual halachik issues, I don't believe there are any reasons to reject someone out of hand with no further research. However, certain situations deserve more scrutiny before going ahead, and this is definitely one of them, IMO.
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12
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busydev
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 6:49 pm
I dunno but I would def do more research in this case. as in any case of single parenthood for whatever reason. or other things that would warrant extra checking
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3
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greenfire
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 6:51 pm
Ashrei wrote: | When I first read the subject, I thought you were asking if I'd let my child marry someone who's father donated a kidney! (had the kidney donor thread on the brain I guess) --well in that situation absolutely! |
I also though kidney donor & was flummoxed - but then again I didn't read the other thread ... yet
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greenfire
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 6:55 pm
you don't really get to control a grown-up ...
would the same query apply if there were 2 mothers of this donated sperm child
you can create chaos out of anything should you so desire
how about the child of a man who has sperm flying on all ends of the earth
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4
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amother
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Thu, Apr 03 2014, 6:55 pm
SplitPea wrote: | Those that say no. What about a BT who was raised by a single mother and the mom does not know who the dad is. But the BT is an amazing ben Torah and great fkr your kid? |
No I would not be ok with that.
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