I don't have much hair left on my head!

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Mar 13 2014, 4:28 pm

I agree, he can handle having this not be allowed any more. He has the nursing. No is no. He's not an infant. He's a toddler.

And after a little while, so it doesn't happen all at once, weaning is on the horizon.

He will always be your son even when he's out of town on business. The rope lengthens but it never breaks, OP. Don't worry. Hugs.

amother

Thu, Mar 13 2014, 5:32 pm

OP here. I am a little bit surprised at the responses here, but I guess you guys do make sense. today I insisted that he pull my old shaitel whenever he reached for my hair. I told him it hurts mommy, so he made nice to me. He was pretty happy with the shaitel. We'll see how tonight goes. Now that he spent all day with it, maybe he'll tolerate it better at night. I can see him getting used to it over the next few days.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Mar 13 2014, 10:32 pm

Wear it a little, so it smells like you. Great idea.

There is no "I hope he agrees" here.

If you are conversing with him in English, and you are, he can be taught to use his hands in a nice way.

Which no longer includes yanking on parts of Mommy.

That's for little babies who don't know better, not big boys, you will probably say, or some equivalent.

He got it, he was receptive when you explained. A nice little boy.

It will be fine.

You had a great idea with the old sheitel. No need to buy a synthetic!

imasinger

Fri, Mar 14 2014, 3:17 am

My DS used to yank out his own hair when he was a baby. Eventually, after talking to our rav, we had it cut. I gave him a stuffed lion, and he pulled on the hair in the mane.

The down side was that for years afterwards, he found stuffing or cotton balls soothing to hold while he calmed himself. My cushions and couches all have little holes where clever fingers found a way in to pull out stuffing.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 9:44 am

This is OP again with an update. It's been almost a month since I started this thread. I have been very insistent since then that there is no pulling mommy's hair ever. During the day, he is totally fine with it. But at night, we are not sleeping. We spend our nights playing tug of war. He reaches for my hair ALL NIGHT and I keep holding his hand and pulling it off my hair. Now, it's almost Pesach, I should be cleaning, but I can't keep my eyes open. I have a cold and a headache. The Shaitel didn't help at all for nighttime. I tried to take a nap with him yesterday, but that turned into a tug of war as well. He sleeps better when I'm not in bed with him, but I have nowhere else to put him for the night. He has a crib, but he climbs right out of it, so it's not safe. I don't have a bed for him.

Last night, at 4:45 am, he decided that if he can't pull my hair, he may as well stay awake. He was wide awake and giggling and talking until I had to get up. Then he went in for a nap. He's been doing this a lot lately. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions would be helpful. TIA.

penguin

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 7:55 pm

I don't think they sell it any longer, but there used to be a tent to put over a crib. In this case, tho I usually am highly opposed, I think I'd have to vote for letting him cry it out. Make sure his room is safe & lock him in.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 8:01 pm

Thanks for the reply. However, I think it is cruel to let him cry it out. His crib is in my room, and we have no room for him in the tiny bedroom my other kids share. Eventually, we'll have to get bunk beds in there and move him to the toddler bed we have in there. But I want to wean him before moving him out. I wanted him to get over this change first though, before making matters harder by weaning.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 8:11 pm

It might be that he associates pulling your hair with nursing. Do you ever lie down with him and not nurse him? Does he pull then?

Honestly, I think I'd leave him in your room & go to sleep on the couch.

It sounds very rough. Maybe talk to a child psychologist. Wait, I shall summon one soon to this discussion!

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 8:15 pm

While I'm nursing him is not the biggest problem- then I can keep holding his hand and stopping him. Although he's been nursing way too many times each night lately.

When I'm not nursing him, he lays next to me and insists on pulling my hair. That's when he wakes up or kvetches when I stop him.

gold21

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 9:34 pm

I don't know, I just feel that in order to be a good mother, you have to address your own needs too.

If he won't sleep in the crib, try a toddler bed. He shouldn't be waking up at night to nurse at this age.

He shouldn't pull your hair out.

It's okay to put your foot down.

Tie your hair up tightly in a bun or cut it really short.... He should not have the option to pull your hair.

JewishMommyNYC

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 10:02 pm

gold21 wrote:

I really agree with this. And while it's very normal for children to develop a soothing habit, often times they are unusual, this one is not healthy for you and I don't believe it is appropriate. I know you might feel like it's your little thing you share with your child but if he was my son I would make him stop. Pulling out my hair or anyone else's isn't ever acceptable, in my opinion. I also have a child who is 8 years old and still has her habit because I never stopped her. When she was a baby I would stick her hands under my arms while I was nursing so she couldn't pull on me. Well, at 8 years old anytime she is tired her hands STILL go reaching for my armpits. This pulling the hair thing isn't going to stop until you put an end to it or you have no more hair left to pull, whatever comes first.

amother

Wed, Apr 09 2014, 10:29 pm

OP here. I know already that it has to stop. The question is how? I've been doing this for a few weeks already, and nights are still miserable. It seems like weaning him and moving him out of my bed are the best option, but I have no place to move him to- that's why he sleeps in my bed in the first place. He used to sleep quite happily in his crib until it became dangerous when he learned to climb out.

I can't put all of my hair in a tight bun because I have a whole lot of short little hairs that are growing back after having been pulled out. Ds can pull those easily.

mo5

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 12:48 am

I wld try moving him out even before weaning . He might actually wake less for you to nurse. That's happened to me. Maybe have the older dc in the other room- 'camp out' in the living room or your room if e wakes them up for the first couple of nights

busydev

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 1:32 am

get rid of the crib and put his mattress on the floor. dont let him lie with you in ur bed anymore.dont lie on his mattress either. maybe have dh lie next to him when he wakes?
I would try moving him out sooner then later. look into those bunk beds asap. can his mattress fit on the floor in the other kid's room?
keep it up, your doing great!!

freidasima

Thu, Apr 10 2014, 3:02 am

Agree with mattress on the floor or anything that he won't fall out of at night. Keep his hands to himself. He is old enough that when he nurses at night you give him a blanket to hold or something else and no more hair. Stick to it. Let him cry. If he cries and won't nurse it's a sign he doesn't need to nurse at night anymore at that age which many children' don't and it just becomes a habit.

In any event, time to set limits. No more hair. No more sheitl. And if he giggles all night and wants to nap as soon as you get up, you get him UP. Yeah cruel. But he isn't a baby, he is almost two and needs sleep trainning. Keep him up a night or two and he will be so tired he will sleep through and not nurse at night anymore. But those two night won't be fun...