Do men ever bentch licht?

amother

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 1:48 pm

Having a divorced man for shabbos. Have no idea how this works. Does he bentch licht? I don't want to embarrass him by asking him directly and also don't want to embarrass him by making him ask for candles if he needs.

Can someone give me some direction? Should I just leave some tea lights in his room, or again, is that embarrassing for him?

amother

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 1:53 pm

I don't know about divorced men and with other men, but my father has been since my mother got too sick to and continues after she died.

mummiedearest

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:05 pm

if there is no woman to light, the man does. so he would in his house. but I don't think he needs to if staying in your home.

Kitten

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:11 pm

I have never seen single, divorced or widowered men guests bench licht, and I have been to many different types of families. Maybe in some circles they do, but I doubt it.

amother

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:14 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

if there is no woman to light, the man does. so he would in his house. but I don't think he needs to if staying in your home.

A girl staying in anothers home would so why is this different?

LiLIsraeli

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:20 pm

He can probably be included in your lighting, if he is koneh the candles first. I have had a divorced man stay for Shabbos and he lit his own tealights that we prepared for him on my leichter tray.

Ruchel

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:24 pm

I don't see single girls lighting when at someone (or rarely?). Nor single boys.
I do see singles lighting when at a kosher hotel without their family. Don't know about guys.

A single, boy or girl, will light if no one else lights for sure.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:33 pm

amother wrote:

A girl staying in anothers home would so why is this different?

I never saw a single girl staying at someone's house lighting candles ever.

SplitPea

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:34 pm

there is a positive commandment to light shabbos candles in the home for shabbos. typically its done by the woman. if there is no woman its done by the man.

in our home ONLY one bracha is said per room. (ie a guest may not light in my living room/dineing room with a bracha. we ask that they light in their room. When we go away I either light in the room we are staying or don't light and ask the woman of the house to have me in mind.

freidasima

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:43 pm

Split pea, what kind of minhog is that, one brocho in the room only? What is the source of that inyan? I've never heard of it, just the opposite that it is a mitzva to fill the room with brochos.

As for divorced men they certainly light in their own home and can ask to be yotzei with the baalas habayis if they are in someone's home, we have had this before. Same for widowers and all men who are the head of a household without women around.

mummiedearest

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:43 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I never saw a single girl staying at someone's house lighting candles ever.

I did when I was single. I lit since I was three. never thought about not lighting at someone else's home.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:48 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

I did when I was single. I lit since I was three. never thought about not lighting at someone else's home.

Im sure but not all girls light at all. I never saw this done in any of my friends homes ever.

On the other hand, I know some men who never married and two divorcees who do light. As split pea said, if there is no woman in the home, then why would a man not light?
There ae certain mitzvot that men and women can both do. I know a woman who does the bracha on challah. Also, same with havdala. My grandmother has been living without a husband for over 60 years. She always made havdala because thats also one of the mitzvot that both men and women can do.

suzyq

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:49 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I never saw a single girl staying at someone's house lighting candles ever.

When I was single I always lit candles, even if I was staying somewhere else.

SplitPea

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:53 pm

freidasima wrote:

Sephardi according to R Ovadia Yosef.

sephardim do brachas a little differently and are pretty strict on bracha levatala. they say the bracha THEN light. and Rav Ovadia Yosef heald that once a bracha was said and light was there it was a bracha levatala to say another bracha. Some even turn the lights in the room off while saying the bracha and turn the back on after they light/.

Kitten

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:55 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

I did when I was single. I lit since I was three. never thought about not lighting at someone else's home.

In some communities, girls don't light candles, so I guess if they go to another house they also don't.
Also, there are 2 minhogim that I know of for lighting candles: some people light where they sleep (so if you just go to see your neighbours around the block, you light at home) and others light where they eat.
I also lit when I was single.

Sarah f

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 2:55 pm

SplitPea wrote:

I know I was advised when sleeping over at my mil to light without a brocha and ask her to have me in mind, it wouldn't be safe to light where we sleep!

DrMom

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 3:24 pm

Kitten wrote:

I have never seen single, divorced or widowered men guests bench licht, and I have been to many different types of families. Maybe in some circles they do, but I doubt it.

Well I guess you have never been in my circles, because among us: Sure, someone has to light. Usually this is done by the woman, but if there is no woman, sure, the man lights.

My DH lived on his own before we met. Of course he lit candles!

SplitPea

Thu, Jun 12 2014, 3:28 pm

Sarah f wrote:

I know I was advised when sleeping over at my mil to light without a brocha and ask her to have me in mind, it wouldn't be safe to light where we sleep!

It's possible the MAKE it safe to light where you sleep. The same way it's safe to light in the dining room Smile

we have a shelf attached to the wall with a flame
Retardant material on the wall and a candle tray on the shelf up high enough where kids can't reach it.

Just as safe as the same shelf we have in our living/dining room Smile