The 'F' Word | Imamother

allrgymama

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 3:30 am

Dearest Sisters,

I saw someone use this word in a thread and had to say something. I will try to be brief.

Can we please remove this word from our vocabularies, as it applies our weight? Fat is a judgement of looks and of size and of (supposed) self control and has nothing to do with your health and, oftentimes, reality.

You are 'in shape' or 'not in shape'. You can eat a 'healthy' or 'not (so) healthy' diet. You can be at a 'healthy' or 'overweight' or 'obese' or 'morbidly obese' weight for your height. These are indicators of health.

NOT fat.

And please teach your children your same. Teach them that Hashem made their bodies to need just the right kinds of foods in just the right amounts to be happy and healthy; too much isn't good and neither is too little. Never tell your children that they are fat or that no one will love them if they don't lose weight. DO tell them if they could make healthful changes and that people already DO love them and want the best for them.

With love and acceptance,

Me

P.S. The same can be said for the word 'skinny'

notshanarishona

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 4:40 am

Why is it better to b called obese than fat?!

chani8

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 5:11 am

Fat may be a judgement but doesn't have to be negative. Americans have a fat complex. Here in Israel, it's not so tragic to be fat. It's not a bad word.

Noting that someone is fat is no different than any other categorization. People categorize. That's how we make sense and order out of this chaotic world.

Obese sounds like a scary word, and I didn't know it was a medical term until rather recently. I thought it was a polite way of saying very, very fat, and that it meant someone weighing like 500 pounds. Now I understand you only need to be 20% over in bodyfat to be considered obese.

Calling someone "in shape" or "out of shape" is not very nice, either, imo. A person can be fat yet strong and in shape. I'm 10 pounds "overweight", yet in the best 'shape' of my life.

freidasima

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 5:30 am

You can be fat and be in shape. You can be slim or skinny or normal weight and be out of shape.

Folks no matter how you want to call it, it's the same with any name. Being FAT - being extremely OVERWEIGHT - being OBESE is unhealthy, period. No way around it. Not talking about pretty, not talking about attractive, not talking about food choices, just talking about a state of being.

Being fat is bad for one's health compared to being a normal weight. It doesn't have to be an extreme, don't place FAT versus SKINNY as we know that skinny isn't healthy either. If you are FAT you have a much greater chance of many different illnesses, from orthopedic problems from carrying too much weight on your bones, ligaments and joints, through cardiovascular problems, a higher chance of various malignancies etc.

Why a person is fat is another thing. Some people indeed do have a medical condition that makes them overweight and they have tremendous problems battling the issue because of the underlying condition. Most people however are fat because they don't know portion control, don't know how to eat healthfully, and don't know how to eat within the normal food groups. This comes at times from environment - being brought up with a certain unhealthy way of eating from childhood, and at times from being pressured into the western processed way of eating which includes loads of unhealthy added sugars and fats (as opposed to the ones occuring naturally in food), supersizing, timing of food consumption and the like. Yes we are all influenced by commercials, advertisements and the rest of the consumerism, and it is a full time battle to fight it.

But it's not just eating processed junk. I know people who eat "only natural" and "only healthy" but are still obese - very overweight - fat - and not because of health problems. They just eat too much! They don't realize what a portion should be and they think it's normal to eat two big bowls of whole wheat pasta covered with a healthy sauce of olive oil and organic tomato chunks - sure! And that isn't their main course, it's just their "side dish"!! Gevalt again!!Pour three or four tablespoons of olive oil on your pasta and you have just had...gevalt...over 400 calories right there in the sauce! Now multiply that for an extra 200-400 calories per meal (of HEALTHY stuff) and you have a person eating over 1000 extra calories a day that their body doesn't need. Give that a week and you have eating almost a kilo too much stuff for your body...

Could be that telling your kids they are fat is bad, and it's better to give them a good example of how to eat and from childhood teach them about healthy choices, portion control and learning to listen to your body to hear when you are really hungry for food and when you are being tempted to eat at the wrong time, or the wrong thing, or the wrong amount - and how to have the understanding and willpower to stop it. Best way is to start doing that yourself.

SS6099

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 6:06 am

In today's society, the words fat and obese have terrible denotations, and skinny has a connotation. I hate that. DS is solid and stocky (8) and there was a period in time where he'd come home really upset from school cuz kids called him fat. I explained to him how untrue that was and I don't ever want to hear him use that word in others. I hate the fat word too....

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 6:09 am

THANK YOU!

This is a major pet peeve of mine. There are certain words in my house that cannot ever be applied to people. Fat, stupid, and crazy. You can call a stuffed animal "fat and fluffy". You can say that "a computer program is being stupid today". You can even say that "It's crazy hot outside!", but you can never use hurtful words about another person. It's just plain rude, and IMHO a chillul Hashem.

We talk about healthy food choices, balanced meals, and exercise. We talk about modesty and middos, Torah and mitzvot. We talk about the good things in people, and don't focus on qualities that might make anyone uncomfortable.

Yes, little kids are going to say awkward things. It's our job to turn them into civilized people.

allrgymama

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 6:29 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Why is it better to b called obese than fat?!

Obese is a medical term and diagnoses. Fat is not. If a someone had a learning disability, would you call them stupid, or identify their diagnoses? If someone had a mental health issue, would you call them crazy or identify their diagnoses?

'Fat' is, again, subjective and judge mental. 'Obese' or 'overweight' are medical definitions/designations.

Edit: to be clear, I wasn't even talking about the word 'fat' in the context of ppl making fun of other ppl. It is obvious that, in those cases, it is wrong. And it doesn't matter whether a kid at school is using the word 'fat' or 'overweight' to make fun of someone.

I'm talking about the less obvious times, like when we look at ourselves in the mirror and think 'I'm so fat' (a judgement) instead of 'I could really be in better shape' (a plan for action). Or the times a parent or grandparent might tell a child, in a misguided expression of love, "if you keep eating like that, you're going to get fat" (a criticism) instead of "Sweetie, you already had a piece of cake. Maybe one is enough?" (Statement of fact and putting responsibility for action in the child's hands).

(I'm not even so happy with the second example; you have to be so careful when you talk to children and what you will say is dependent on the particular child and their age. But the example given is still loads better than what I heard growing up)

imasoftov

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 7:43 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

You can say that "a computer program is being stupid today".

Sure, if you want to blame it for doing what it was told to ...

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 7:46 am

imasoftov wrote:

Sure, if you want to blame it for doing what it was told to ...

Shush, you!

*I am not a computer person. Silly

amother

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 9:25 pm

Couldn't be bothered reading all of the sanctimonious drivel in the OP. Fat is called Fat because it's Fat.

If someone has self esteem issues and they think being 5 pounds overweight is Fat then they have mental issues, as common as those might be, they are still mental issues, but she is not Fat.

Fat when someone is Fat is not the wrong word. Stop wrapping people in cotton wool their whole lives.

allrgymama

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 9:59 pm

amother wrote:

Why amother? I wasn't.

And perhaps you should read the OP because it had nothing to do with being morally superior.

SS6099

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 10:05 pm

amother wrote:

There are other words to use when one is overweight. Fat is not a word allowed in our house- like stupid and idiot. No reason to use it. I agree with OP 100%.

gittelchana

Tue, Aug 12 2014, 10:07 pm

allrgymama wrote:

Very well said. Thumbs Up

Ruchel

Wed, Aug 13 2014, 5:19 am

There's no moral virtue in being slim and all
But yes, risks increase with obesity. And I would never call someone fat to his face or to someone who knows him. Very rude.

I would rather be called fat than obese (if I was) because I can brush fat off to the person being very prissy NY size 0 and of course seeing me as fat, while obese is obese. It's a factual thing, it's not left to the appreciation of the viewer. There are obese people who just look plump but are obese (obese lite, not a bmi of 45, no pun intended).

debsey

Wed, Aug 13 2014, 9:11 am

I have only one moral objection to the word "fat" - when it is used by some size 2 mamale in a dressing room, as the size 2 top drapes and flows around her stick figure and she says (pinching at something illusiory) OMG, I'm SOOOO FAT. Meanwhile, normal size 10s like me are cringing, and the one larger woman in the dressing room is feeling targeted (because she is being targeted!)
debsey