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Forum
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-> Simcha Section
Ruchel
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Tue, Sep 23 2014, 6:32 am
Huge bris is so hard. We had one by local standards, the living room was cramped and hot (and it was a January bris!!!) and despite saying "the mom doesn't do anything!" and everyone helping (sandak's wife helped me nurse, I was THAT upset and trembling don't ask lol), I still had to make efforts 8 days from birth (while I have a month for a naming).
NOT regretting bh everyone who wanted to come was welcome!! but I wouldn't plan it that way, oh gosh no.
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RachelEve14
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Tue, Sep 23 2014, 6:53 am
We did a 2 kiddushes for our 3 girls (the twins had to share ;-) ). Both times when the babie(s) were around 6 weeks old.
For the 2 boys we had a normal bris, inviting basically the same crowd we had invited for the kiddushes.
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amother
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Tue, Sep 23 2014, 7:45 am
Ruchel wrote: | Huge bris is so hard. We had one by local standards, the living room was cramped and hot (and it was a January bris!!!) and despite saying "the mom doesn't do anything!" and everyone helping (sandak's wife helped me nurse, I was THAT upset and trembling don't ask lol), I still had to make efforts 8 days from birth (while I have a month for a naming).
NOT regretting bh everyone who wanted to come was welcome!! but I wouldn't plan it that way, oh gosh no. |
It was still in your living room though! I'd feel much more comfortable at home knowing I could retreat to my room, or even at shul, a short walk away.
ILs are talking about a hotel venue a drive away from home and inviting the entire membership of our shul (few hundred.) We do not even know all these people but the culture here is for everyone to invite everyone to things and most of them go just to get together and eat and dress up etc. It starts to be not even about the simcha anymore.
Obviously a bris is a mitzvah associated with boys and not girls, but I don't like the idea that my son is worthy of this grand affair while my daughter is worthy of a plate of sugared almonds handed round in a normal kiddish which I haven't even recovered enough to attend. (I believe that it would not have been wierd to wait until, say, 2 weeks after the Birth so I could at least have been there with the baby.
I live overseas from my family and have only been back once since my DD was born. That was in the summer when she was 4 months old and many people were on vacation anyway and couldn't see us. Maybe I could organise some sort of simcha where my relatives live and invite a rav to come and speak and give her a bracha or something. I guess at this point that I don't really care whether this is normal or not.
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Ruchel
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Tue, Sep 23 2014, 7:55 am
I also dislike those who do much bigger for a boy. Yes some things are boy only but I avoid, when I do something for both, making a big diff...
At home wasn"t my choice... couldn't get a heter, it was a shabbes bris, even the laid back rabbi I asked told me no way can a [gentile] bring the baby to shul. The same who said I can uncover my hair outside if I have a migraine... so yeah. I still tried to get it from others, everyone said no way.
At the hotel you have people who serve, and clean, and shlep. Still, a big affair like that? I wouldn't want either...
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saw50st8
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Tue, Sep 23 2014, 8:05 am
Just remember, your daughter also didn't have to go through surgery to get a big party!
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catonmylap
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Tue, Sep 23 2014, 8:05 am
As long as you can afford it, let them have the bris.. It's not about the kids themselves at this point. Your daughter isn't going to complain.. In your head, the party can be for both kids..
I'd make a plan way ahead of how you will handle the bat mitzvah and then bar mitzvah because at that point, it does actually involve the kids...
you can't totally blame your inlaws for not being excited enough if you didn't share with them what you went through..
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Raisin
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Tue, Sep 23 2014, 9:22 am
I don't believe in making an over the top bris.
For one dd we did not make a kiddush for various reasons which I regret now. The next one we made a nice kiddush at home, lots of people came. The next one we made a nice kiddush in shul. Both kiddushim were probably as fancy as the brissim for my sons, and since it was on shabbos more people came.
I enjoyed the kiddushim much more. We could make it when it suited us (babies were a month or two old), no pain for babies, no jaundice issues.
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amother
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Tue, Sep 23 2014, 12:56 pm
Ruchel wrote: | At the hotel you have people who serve, and clean, and shlep. Still, a big affair like that? I wouldn't want either... |
True. It's more the effort of going out and having to stay there until it's over and someone can drive me home I guess.
catonmylap wrote: | you can't totally blame your inlaws for not being excited enough if you didn't share with them what you went through.. |
I completely disagree. Supposing we were 20 years old and never went through IF. A baby girl is still a massive blessing! Even in those circumstances, I believe it is not OK to say "oh I guess there will be no brit then" in a disappointed way and ask if I would have preferred twins. I mean, you waited this long to get a grandchild and those are the first words out of your mouth when you see her? How about being excited and grateful about the baby girl? It's almost as if all they were hoping for was a massive brit rather than a grandchild of any gender.
Also, although we did not share that we did IVF, the fact that we were 35 and 40 at the time of the Birth of our first child demonstrates that we at least went through a long waiting period for this.
catonmylap wrote: | Just remember, your daughter also didn't have to go through surgery to get a big party! |
So that's what the party is about?
Maybe I'll take her to Church and get her baptised instead...
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