Help me survive Yom Kippur

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 9:46 pm

My son is 6 years old and has extreme ADHD and ODD. He wants my constant attention or he can become aggressive. I do NOT fast well. We live in a new community so I can't send him to friends as I don't know anybody that well yet. I was thinking of hiring a nanny to watch him, but it would have to be a compete stranger as I don't have a nanny.

Please don't lecture me about how I shouldn't let him walk all over me. I don't, but when I'm weak and fasting, I have no emotional, mental or physical energy to be consistent and firm with him.

Any advice?? Please??

amother

Sun, Sep 28 2014, 10:33 pm

DS 9 has ADHD, but not ODD.

Does your son enjoy any specific kind of toy?Think building toys like kinex, lego, magnatiles or have any kind of collection or like a particular author or books in general? What has worked for us with DS is to buy an activity/book for each hour of the day (yes, it's an investment, but after he gets to choose 1 to keep and the rest get reused as prizes through the rest of the year). I usually plan 1 hour at the park and factor in 10ish minutes for each meal and 5 for each snack, plus time to dress, etc., so it works out to about 10 things.

I take a picture of each one and we decide before what he wants first, second, and label them. I have a box of colored paper clips and he can get 1 every 5 minutes for positive behavior. He gets the next toy when he has 12 paper clips on the paper of the toy he has now.

We pack a lunch together the day before so he knows what's coming and has input, but it's not negotiable day of. I make foods I know he'll eat and don't worry too much about it being healthy. It's just one day and there's my emotional health to consider as well.

I also have a chat with my other kids about how I'm going to be fasting and he might take up some extra space because it will be hard for me to help him regulate.

amother

Mon, Sep 29 2014, 2:30 pm

amother wrote:

OP here. Thank you soooooo much for taking the time to spell this out for me. I have been feeling completely overwhelmed and my anxiety about Yom Kippur was through the roof. You have given some excellent suggestions here, but more than that, you have given me HOPE that I may actually come out of this unscathed... well less scathed. Wink

Thanks again. Any and all other suggestions and chizzuk welcomed!!

sitting

Mon, Sep 29 2014, 2:51 pm

I would definitely have a pictorial chart of a plan for the day...breakfast...getting dressed...davening time...lego time..story time, treat time. etc. Do try to take help for a few hrs and u can always lie on the couch while help plays with him if u dont want to leave him alone. A cheap good bribe I use is icees. If u dont want store bought bc of coloring u cld make ur own with oj or something else and use as bribes for good behaviour and nice playing. Another thing to try is when u need to go into bed take him In bed with u with his toys say with kinex or whatever it is. Shut the door so the others dont come in and maybe he will play a bit. (Or is that wishful thinking?) Mine r so excited to be alone with me they do get on with playing. Is there a toy library or cld trade a toy box with someone?
good luck. It is such a hard day.

imasinger

Mon, Sep 29 2014, 3:33 pm

This is the first year (b"H!!) that I am not hiring a sitter for my challenging youngest. He is 8.

When he was your DS's age, and for several years before and after, I hired a local college student. I'd interview by phone or in person the week or two before (you still have time!) and have someone come before we left for kol nidre, then again from 9 am until sometime in the afternoon the next day. I came home when needed, and brought him for neilah.

I left out careful instructions, emergency numbers, paper plates and details about prepared food in fridge, snacks, map to shul in case I needed to be contacted, ideas for playing, and an envelope with the prearranged sum we agreed on.