Need Suggestions on Guiding Adult Children

amother

Mon, Oct 06 2014, 9:21 pm

My son will be 23 in November and will be finishing his BA is Psychology and English.
He is feeling overwhelmed because he has no life goal and does not know what he wants to be when he "grows up".

I can't seem to give him the right suggestions and mitigate him.

He does not want to teach.

He enjoys writing and has a creative mind.
He has excellent communication skills.

What do I suggest?

It is so hard when it is this close to home.

I found an article on 35 popular jobs for graduates with a BA in English.
Should I suggest more school?

Her doesn't want to continue psychology.
I think he would be an amazing child psychologist but he isn't interested.

I feel terrible seeing him like this.

All his friends have brilliant academic careers:
Full scholarship at Columbia in engineering and MARRIED.

Full scholarship for MEDICAL SCHOOL

Already done with a Masters and working in FINANCE in Florida

Attending London School of Economics for an MBA

He feels lost and honestly so do I.
I feel like an awful mother because I have no idea what he should pursue I went into education because everyone was doing that in the 1980's

I am such a pathetic mom.

Rutabaga

Mon, Oct 06 2014, 9:46 pm

Don't compare him to his peers. That doesn't help anyone.

His school must have career counselors. Suggest that he make an appointment. He can also talk to his professors/advisors.

Some suggestions:

Publishing house
Advertising/marketing

tichellady

Mon, Oct 06 2014, 10:04 pm

His friends are the exception. Most 23 years old don't know that they want to do. My husband and I both didn't know. He should look for a job. Tell him to network and look online for jobs that interest him. He can try out a job for a year ( or longer if he is happy), make some money and gain some skills. While it's not very easy for college grads to find jobs its not impossible either if he's open minded to different types of things.

blessedbyamiracle

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 1:20 am

amother wrote:

I am such a pathetic mom.

Your post suggests quite the opposite. Please don't do this to urself. You care.

(Everyone basically suggested anything or better than I cud, I just want to say, please don't compare ur son to his peers. I'm sure u don't say it out loud, but if ur thinking it, it may give off vibes even tho left unstated. Some find their direction earlier than others, and it appears he is doing more than many young people are not even close to doing, so be proud.)
Hugsss...

amother

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 1:20 am

I have let this sit for a while and come to a few realizations...

1 I have suggested he see academic counselors several times.

I'm not sure he followed through but I absolutely suggested it.

I realize my son never ever ASKED for my help/support. He was merely voicing his fears about the future but the bottom line is he never said the magic words: "Help me" .

And so I get to do nothing.

I guess he was venting and I so want to jump in with my mommy super hero cape and come up with the perfect plan for him but that is NOT what he wants.

FYI: I NEVER compare him to his friends. I was merely sharing that all his close friend have a clearly delineated academic path which probably makes him feel even worse because he is not sure of anything.

I'm just going to have to sit and wait for him to ask me for some help.
I imagine he wants to figure this out on his own but was just sharing with me how uncomfortable it is to be at this stage of his development.

I now get to sit on my hands and zip my lip shut-because he hasn't asked me for any suggestions/help.
THIS is SO TOUGH!!!

saw50st8

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 7:24 am

tichellady wrote:

What circles do you run in?

In mine, at 23 most people have graduated college, and either started their careers or gone on to medical/law/grad school.

Not that it helps OPs son.

OP, I understand supporting your son. Is he doing anything in the mean time (job wise) or is he just home? If he is just home, I would give him a deadline to get a job - it's not a good idea to wait around to figure out your life plan. If you do that, you end up with a 40 year old unemployed child living on your couch.

amother

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 7:36 am

Dont pressure your yingele. Bh he has the brains but now he doesnt have patience. And its very painful to hear from parent this one and that ones married. People are lucky that their marriages workout.

mummiedearest

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 9:21 am

don't tell him what to do career-wise, but DO encourage him to get an internship. he can ask his career counselor to help. a little work experience could be helpful. it certainly shouldn't hurt.

nyer1

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 11:58 am

encourage him to research the careers he MIGHT be interested in, and to see what the potential salaries are, what the job market in that field is and what it will be in 20 years. encourage him to think about the hours the job entails - big 4 financial places and lawyers and doctors do NOT have 9-5 jobs, so shiurim and chavrusas at night are much harder, but maybe thats something he's willing to live with. as he is researching these potential fields, he should look into where the jobs are, where the graduate schools are located that offer these degrees etc. the most important thing is to speak to people who actually work in these fields. some suggested questions over a casual coffee, dinner or phone appointment would be:

what do you love about your job?
what do you hate about your job?
how long and where did you train?
how did you find your job? how many different positions have you had?
where do you see this career in 5 years? 10? 20?
what advice do you have for someone first starting out?
etc etc

after you suggest this to him, tell him you love him, that you will be proud no matter what, and the rest is up to him!

acccdac

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 12:41 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

don't tell him what to do career-wise, but DO encourage him to get an internship. he can ask his career counselor to help. a little work experience could be helpful. it certainly shouldn't hurt.

You said you think he would be a great child psychologist, but he doesnt want.
Does he know what the job entails?
does he know the difference between training and working?

Does he realize that doesnt mean he is in an office with books on the walls listening to kids once a week? Does he realize he can do consulting for schools or school systems?
Does he realize he can run programs?
being a school psychologist can be different than working in an official office

I am only "picking" on this career path because although we hate to admit it, our parents sometimes do know us best. You suggested this career path but I dont know if he knows where he can take it. Doing an internship in the field can help him see what he does or doesnt like about it.

tichellady

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 1:22 pm

[quote="saw50st8"]What circles do you run in?

I am MO and after college my friends either went to grad school or started working, but the majority of them don't actually know what they want to do long-term. People are trying things out and gaining experience and are open to the fact that they will probably change careers numerous times. That's just the way things are these days. Even my friends in grad school often feel unsure of their career path and if they are wasting time and money. It's a big commitment for someone to make if they have very little experience actually working. Being good at a subject in school doesn't mean someone will enjoy the actual professional component of that subject.

saw50st8

Tue, Oct 07 2014, 2:51 pm

The only friends of mine that changed career paths, are those that decided to become a teacher after training for something else, in order to work better hours.

Career changes don't usually happy after a year or two. They often occur after 10+ years when people are ready for change. That doesn't mean a 23 year old shouldn't be on a path towards a career with a goal.