Am I dysfunctional? Where do you draw the line?

zaq

Thu, Jan 29 2015, 7:40 pm

Dysfunctional is when things don't work and essential services are not provided. Accent on "essential'. If your family is fed nutritious meals--note I do not say hot, home-cooked from scratch, I say nutritious; if your children get appropriate medical/dental care as needed; if they have clean clothes in good condition appropriate to your climate; if your home is reasonably sanitary and not overrun with vermin or outright filth; if the children have a place to do their schoolwork--not necessarily a student desk or an exclusively dedicated spot, but a place that is comfortable for them and in which they can get the work done--the kitchen table is fine; if they get to sleep at a reasonable hour and wake up refreshed; if their needs are taken care of, if not all their wants; if everyone gets to where they have to be when they have to be there with all the things they have to have when they get there--then your home may not be perfect but it is perfectly functional.

As for your children having problems with organization, how is that a reflection on your skill? Organizing techniques can be taught, but there is also a strong inborn element. Some people have the organized gene and some do not, and for folks to whom it does not come naturally, organizing will always be an effort.

Jeanette

Thu, Jan 29 2015, 8:52 pm

I'm a big believer in self-acceptance and not over-emotionalizing a problem.

Calling yourself dysfunctional doesn't accomplish anything except to trigger anxiety. Is there room to improve? Everyone has room to improve. You need to decide for yourself which area you want to work on first, based on YOUR prioritizing, not judgment from other people. Brushing teeth might be a good place to start, as other suggested, because it's the one that is most likely to affect their long term health.

Regarding being embarrassed to have people walk in your door--many of us have been there. I'm actually okay with most people coming over--just not nosy, judgmental types (like some of my siblings and their spouses). I have good friends who have very neat homes but I don't feel ashamed to have them come over because they have their own "stuff." I respect them for who they are and they respect me for who I am, and the fact that my house is messier than theirs doesn't come between us.

Also, as people's circumstances change their housekeeping standards change too. My house was chaotic growing up but now that my parents have an empty nest it is beautiful! (Except when I come over with my crew and destroy it!)

amother

Fri, Jan 30 2015, 4:21 am

You're getting a lot more done than I do. My house is a constant source of stress but I can only do what I can do, and right now I have a lot on my plate outside the home. I think eventually you learn to accept that everything's a cycle, it won't always be like this. It's hard, though, because I feel totally inadequate and a terrible role model for my children. But I don't feel nearly as bad about myself as I used to because I honestly am doing the best I can.

flmommy

Fri, Jan 30 2015, 6:31 am

I think you are managing quite well. I agree about improving in the tooth brushing area. I let my kids brush themselves in the am and I brush those that need help in the evening before bed. I am amazed that you clean your fridge as well as you do. I think you may be expecting too much from your kids as far as being organized goes. I am pretty organized and I also think my kids are majorly disorganized so maybe it is just age appropriate!