A text from my 2 year olds Morah

GreenEyes26

Sun, Mar 08 2015, 12:43 am

kb wrote:

I have sent to a total of five illegal glorified babysitter situations, and couldn't have been happier! You don't have to be licensed to be knowledgable and caring. (and I had plenty of obnoxious teachers in my career as a student in a licensed, professional school) You need a good teacher, not the license.

Thats great that you've had good experiences with illegal daycares, but that's not the point.

My point wasn't that only liscensed daycares have good teachers, but that they have screening processes for hiring, checks and balances for complaints, and professional standards and processes for dealing with behavioral issues (or they should). An illegal babysitter daycare situation usually doesn't have any of that. Sometimes, a warm fun Morah isn't enough. As we see here.

And while I know that in some places it's not so easy to find a liscensed daycare, Lakewood should not be one of them. It is completely irresponsible to put your child in an unregulated situation like that. I am very strongly against illegal daycares. But that's a whole nother topic.

amother

Sun, Mar 08 2015, 12:25 pm

I'm a preschool director and find this thread very interesting.

Firstly it is very obvious that this morah is not acting in a professional manner and unfortunately seems not to know how to deal with children and with their parents.

I would also agree to find another play group for your son where the morah is competent, warm and nurturing and loves your son like a Morah should.

At the same time, I wonder why everyone is dismissing the sensory or behavioral concern. It is true she expressed it in a very incorrect manner, and the child is 2 years old and the behaviors sound completely normal for a 2 year old, at the same time, in a classroom full of children this child is displaying behaviors that is more challenging to the teacher than others.

My thoughts are that it either could be normal 2 year old behaviors that this Morah is not capable of handling or (and) it could be indicative of sensory or behavioral issues that the child has that could he could use support for and learn tools to deal with.

I would use this incident as an opportunity to a)find him a new playgroup and b)have him evaluated by professionals to see if he could use some extra help in certain areas.

NY and NJ have wonderful government sponsored early intervention programs - you can get recommendations from other moms/ schools (some are better than others).

2 years old is the perfect age to give your child some new tools and learn how to deal with frustration or other issues he may experience more than or differently than others.

Evaluations are free and by getting advice from professionals you will see if it is normal 2 year old behavior that he will grow out of or something a little more that could use some help like occupational therapy, a shadow in the classroom etc.

Mommy knows best and after getting over the first normal reaction of being defensive whenever we hear something not positive about our children (I know I always have that reaction!) you will see if you have a feeling that any of this rings true, if you have ever had the feeling that maybe he does have behaviors that you could use help dealing with and that are not like most other children his age OR if you truly feel that it he exhibits completely normal behavior for his age. Follow your gut. You sound like a very caring mommy and I'm sure your son is delicious- much Nachas!

amother

Sun, Mar 08 2015, 7:43 pm

amother wrote:

OP here,

I def hear what u are saying which is why even though I've never seen these behaviors at home, I still spoke to a child behavioral therapist (she has a PhD) as I dont want my child to suffer cuz Im stubborn. The point really is, that this Morah is out of control.

Anyone have any ideas for me? I still have nowhere to send him tomorrow Sad

amother

Sun, Mar 08 2015, 8:22 pm

100% agree with the Amother above who is a preschool director.
It goes without saying that the way she communicated the problem to you is NOT okay and I would find another playgroup for my child.

BUT, I would also have him evaluated. My son was 2 in a legal preschool and was displaying (normal for his age) behavior (according to his pediatrician whom I called with all the behavioral issues the morah told me about.) His pediatrician kept telling me the 1) inability to self calm, 2) pushing/biting, 3) enjoying playing alone, and 4) occasionally pulling his poop out of his diaper were all developmentally normal for a 2 year old and that he'd grow out of these behaviors. I didn't really see any of these behaviors at home or when I had playdates with a few other children. My son's morah also communicated to us in a very hurtful way and although she did try to help him she ultimately didn't do him any favors.

He ended up getting evaluated (pediatrician said to do it just to make the morah happy) and he qualified for SEIT, OT, speech, & PT. He got therapy for about 6 months and didn't make any real improvements. When he went to a new summer camp all hell broke loose and he went nuts with the new morahs, new children, and very little structure. We sent a "babysitter" with him to camp, paying $10/hr for the babysitter PLUS camp tuition and it was still ineffective so he was kicked out of camp. This crisis led to me crying to his therapists and previous teachers and it finally came out that they were concerned about autism. He got tested and was diagnosed. He now gets a lot more therapy and is very very slowly improving. But we wasted so much time when he was 2 because we weren't told straight out to have him evaluated for a developmental delay & I'm still trying to forgive his morah/therapists for that (they all told me they didn't say anything about their suspicions because they didn't think I would be receptive.) My son is very smart & very verbal, I think that's part of why nobody thought he had autism, even his pediatrician. It took a long time for my husband and myself to come to accept his diagnosis and many times it still is a struggle.

While I hope that this is NOT your situation at all, and IYH your son will be just fine, I believe it cannot hurt to be evaluated because the earlier your child received therapy (if he needs it) the better he will do and the faster he will overcome his issues. Like the previous poster said, it's completely free, you just have to call an agency. We used Challenge and were happy. Even though one or two things your child is doing can be considered normal behavior for his age, if the rest of the class of children who are his age are NOT displaying this behavior I believe it's cause for concern/evaluation.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Especially with all the pregnancy hormones. Its definitely never easy to hear something less than ideal about your child, especially in such an inappropriate way. IYH he will do much better in a different environment!!

amother

Mon, Mar 09 2015, 10:23 am

amother wrote:

If u read my post above u'll see I spoke to a child psychologist who specializes in behavioral therapy.
I am happy to get my child the help he needs, but only if he needs it....
Not if some incompetent Morah decides he does.

amother

Mon, Mar 09 2015, 10:49 am

This is my story:

My DS was receiving therapy for speech and PT. I sent him to a small playgroup of 8 kids and one morah. DS got kicked out for hitting and biting. According to his therapists he took advantage of a bad situation. When the morah left the room to change someone or get a snack, my DS hurt kids. Since DS was receiving therapy I got him into a center based program where he thrived. The next year he received play therapy in a highly recommended playgroup. The new morah couldn't believe that he was eligible for it since he behaved to nicely. DS needed structure, rules, and an adult visible at all times. My DS is now in grade school and we never got a call about any behavior issues in yeshiva, bh. I also became an advocate of only sending to a place with an assistant, even on the expense of more kids in the playgroup

You mentioned that you spoke to a professional. Did she evaluate your DC, or did she base her opinion on your take of the situation. I am not saying that your DC needs anything, but if he does then do it when he is young. Its so much easier to deal with. Also as a mom it is kind of hard to see what problems your dc has.

amother

Tue, Mar 10 2015, 2:00 am

amother wrote:

My son was evaluated by 3 professionals: 1 psychologist who said he does NOT have autism and 2 MD's (1 developmental pediatrician & 1 pediatric neurologist) who said he DOES have autism. All within a 2 week period. Since he has enough issues to warrant him being "kicked out" of camp we decided to go with the 2 doctors who thought he has autism so we could get the services he needs. Talking to a professional is not a substitute for having that same professional do a full evaluation on your child.

Mammy

Tue, Mar 10 2015, 2:54 am

Sounds like this teacher might be pregnant, and the perceived danger is about the danger to the baby inside.
Sometimes people don't react rationally when they feel that they (or their child) is in danger.
That being said, while you are looking for other childcare options (you work, and rely on the childcare) just be as friendly, thankful, and non- attacking to the teacher so that for the time that he is there she will have less negative feelings for him, and more compassion.
Something like, "Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I will take this seriously and look into this. Please let me know what you feel I could do to help him."