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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
amother
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 12:21 am
I work from home and have a 2 yr and a baby. This week I was talking to my sister in law and she made me feel so guilty - she said at 2yrs old he needs the stimulation of going out some where and that maybe the reason why one of my husbands siblings is behind socially is because my mother in law kept him home till kindergarten, and do I want that to happen to my kids too? And besides that's what everyone does today and ect.....
I know that I should just forget about what she said, but I cant get it out of my head - is it really wrong to keep him home? If it is for sure I'd send him out. Sometimes I'm a drop impatient with the kids - I get stressed sometimes since I have to get a certain amount of work done (overall though I think I'm a pretty decent parent), and that some nights I have to stay up very late to finish work, and it would be nice to spend a little more time with my husband, but I was happy to make the sacrifice to be able to be home with the kids. I am planing on sending him in a year when he turns 3, I just feel that now hes still little and very attached to me. I do try to set up play-dates which he loves, but that usually only works out like once a week...
Is my sister in law just feeling insecure with the fact that she send out her own kids when their little even though she also works from home? Or does she have a point? Will it make him behind since (at least according to her) most other kids are sent out at his age and he'll be behind in learning to socialize? or is what she saying just ridicules? I had always though it was best for a kid to home with his mother if it where possible....
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yidishmamma
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 12:25 am
No it's nothing wrong to keep ur 2 year old home. I recently met lady that has her 3 year daughter home plus a baby... She said she gets comments and looks all the time. U have to know ur child and urself .
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oliveoil
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 12:25 am
amother wrote: | is it really wrong to keep him home? |
absolutely not! please do not listen to her. This is one of the best gifts you can give your child.
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amother
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 12:26 am
I usually send out when they are turning 3. My youngest did go out at 2 1/2 to a half day program because she needed it. Every day she begged to go to school and have friends. I did Mommy and Me programs, but it wasnt enough. For my other kids it was ok.
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ChutzPAh
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 12:29 am
It's totally ok to keep a two year old home! Hold your head up high and enjoy the time with your kids.
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yenny
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 12:31 am
As long as your truly honest with yourself and doing what you feel is best for your child's physical and emotional wellbeing, don't listen to other pple.
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cfriedman2
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 1:15 am
At 2 I would prob send him to a program for a few hours a day if ur supposed to be working. Work it around his nap so he naps when he comes home and u can get more work done. I work from home on Friday with a 3 year old and it's hard to devote time to work and her since ahe wants to be entertained. Way easier when she was a baby.
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etky
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 1:33 am
amother wrote: | I work from home and have a 2 yr and a baby. This week I was talking to my sister in law and she made me feel so guilty - she said at 2yrs old he needs the stimulation of going out some where and that maybe the reason why one of my husbands siblings is behind socially is because my mother in law kept him home till kindergarten, and do I want that to happen to my kids too? And besides that's what everyone does today and ect.....
I know that I should just forget about what she said, but I cant get it out of my head - is it really wrong to keep him home? If it is for sure I'd send him out. Sometimes I'm a drop impatient with the kids - I get stressed sometimes since I have to get a certain amount of work done (overall though I think I'm a pretty decent parent), and that some nights I have to stay up very late to finish work, and it would be nice to spend a little more time with my husband, but I was happy to make the sacrifice to be able to be home with the kids. I am planing on sending him in a year when he turns 3, I just feel that now hes still little and very attached to me. I do try to set up play-dates which he loves, but that usually only works out like once a week...
Is my sister in law just feeling insecure with the fact that she send out her own kids when their little even though she also works from home? Or does she have a point? Will it make him behind since (at least according to her) most other kids are sent out at his age and he'll be behind in learning to socialize? or is what she saying just ridicules? I had always though it was best for a kid to home with his mother if it where possible.... |
You hit the nail on the head.
Read some parenting books. Sending a kid out of the house at age 2 is a modern exigency that meets parent's, not children's needs. He's still a toddler for heavens sake! At this age his social needs are very minor, much less significant than his need for a parent's or other loving caregiver's attention. Appropriate socialization at this age can be accomplished by a few hours a week of Mommy and me, gymboree, park time, or supervised play dates etc. No need for a formal framework.
Let your sister in law keep her theories to herself.
There's a world of difference between keeping a 2 year old home and even a 3 year old and certainly a 4 year old preschooler.
You know your child. If you are happy keeping him at home (even if you are not 'sweetness and light' every minute of the day) and can get your work done with him around then give him this gift that so few children nowadays have the benefit of receiving.
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heidi
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 1:33 am
It depends what you're doing with your two year old at home. If he is constantly watching videos and being told to be quiet while you work, you are not doing him a favor by keeping him home. If his typical day consists of some hours of playtime or doing household stuff with you (even laundry is fun for a two year old) and an outing whether to the park or the grocery store (which is also fun for a two year old)-- more power to you. Keep him home!
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5mom
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 2:02 am
Depends on the child and the mother. You know your kid best.
My kids were happy at home with me (and I was happy with them) but just as adults can be more or less social, so can kids. Some mothers need more time away from their children, some need less.
There's no right or wrong here, only what works.
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Heyaaa
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 2:07 am
amother wrote: | I work from home and have a 2 yr and a baby. This week I was talking to my sister in law and she made me feel so guilty - she said at 2yrs old he needs the stimulation of going out some where and that maybe the reason why one of my husbands siblings is behind socially is because my mother in law kept him home till kindergarten, and do I want that to happen to my kids too? And besides that's what everyone does today and ect.....
I know that I should just forget about what she said, but I cant get it out of my head - is it really wrong to keep him home? If it is for sure I'd send him out. Sometimes I'm a drop impatient with the kids - I get stressed sometimes since I have to get a certain amount of work done (overall though I think I'm a pretty decent parent), and that some nights I have to stay up very late to finish work, and it would be nice to spend a little more time with my husband, but I was happy to make the sacrifice to be able to be home with the kids. I am planing on sending him in a year when he turns 3, I just feel that now hes still little and very attached to me. I do try to set up play-dates which he loves, but that usually only works out like once a week...
Is my sister in law just feeling insecure with the fact that she send out her own kids when their little even though she also works from home? Or does she have a point? Will it make him behind since (at least according to her) most other kids are sent out at his age and he'll be behind in learning to socialize? or is what she saying just ridicules? I had always though it was best for a kid to home with his mother if it where possible.... |
Not necessarily. Her kids might need the stimulation and your ds might not need it. Or your kids might actually need the stimulation and her kids might do better at home. It depends on the kids nature.
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newmom770
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 5:48 am
Totally keep him home unless he is getting very little attention from you.
A two year old needs a loving adult to be properly socialised. They dont need an impersonal playgroup. They will be fine socially after initial adjustment period to preschool. They will be better off emotionally and better at having close trusting relationships when they grow up. They are calmer in school.
If he is unhappy he would kvetch excessively.
Another point for other readers: when the young child has a few older siblings they get socialised at home.
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anotherima
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 6:57 am
My siblings and I stayed home till we were five years old and went straight to kindergarten. By the way is sis in law offering to pay for playgroup for your two year old?
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anon for this
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 9:17 am
My situation is a bit different because I'm a SAHM. I kept 2 of my kids home until they were 4, when I put them in full-day preschool (the year before pre1A). They had younger siblings at home, and older siblings in school. Where I live many people start sending children to playgroup from age 2 so this was definitely outside the norm.
People did make some comments. One mother said, "Oh, I could never keep my 3-year-old home, he's too smart". I wanted to say, "It works for me, because my 3-year-old is dumb as a box of rocks" or "My daughter is smart too, but luckily I'm still smarter than her". But I just said, "Oh, how nice. But this works fine for us".
Several years later they are both doing well academically and socially B"H.
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amother
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 9:24 am
I was just talking about this to someone because I keep my 2 year olds home, and well-meaning people always comment how it is so important for kids to be sent out from 18 months etc, .
I have been very happy with my kids development and I do make sure to do activities with them and playdates, etc. I sent my daughter out to nursery at 3.5 for the first time, and she is perfectly fine and not at all behind anyone else who might have gone to daycare or playgroup. At her nursery interview the principal was actually impressed with how much she knew and her skills, etc.
You should do whatever you feel comfortable with and feel is best for your child.
oh and financial considerations came into play for me as well and I don't feel at all guilty.
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Simple1
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 9:24 am
Probably like Heidi said, depends on what you are doing at home with the child. I was told by a PA when I asked about a 3 yo, that it the child could be behind in social skills - but only temporarily.
I did keep a 2 yo at home this year - but I only regret it for selfish reasons - didn't get much accomplished this year. I freelance and actually had to turn down some jobs.
It's fine - in the "olden days" when a lot of women stayed home, toddlers didn't go out - they are really babies.
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tova5
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 9:29 am
you are the best mummy! those years are the cutest years of your child? why should the kindergarden teacher see all those cute things. new milestones, cute sayings ... your child does.
I never send my children out before 3 years, usualy the term before they turned 4! I loved it! they were little company. not anymore only demanding babies.
I do receive all nasty comments from poeple. arent they bored, they need stimulation etc.
so thats what the mummy is here for, go to the playground, do some painting and sticking at home or go to mother and toddler, go shopping let them help unpack etc...
its just gone out of hand as soon as baby is 15 month look for playgroup... I think thats why so many problem children these days!
good luck you are GR8!
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amother
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 10:09 am
Back in the day, kids didn't go until 7. I would like to keep my children home until 7. I think that's healthier.
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mandr
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Sun, Mar 15 2015, 11:12 am
I know what you mean. I get comments all the time about why I didn't enroll my almost 18-month old in a playgroup! He actually is at a babysitter during the day because I work full time, but there he has one or two other babies in the house. I don't think he needs a group of 15 kids yet.
I honestly wonder, though, how you are able to get any work done with a little kid in the house? I have tried a few days (snow days when I was home or stuff like that) to work while home with my baby and it was mission impossible. If I so much as sat down at the computer for five minutes, he came over to me and demanded my attention. I gave up after half hour of trying and then just squeezed in some work while he napped.
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