Can I teach a 3 year old Emunah?

Tue, Mar 10 2015, 3:05 am

My 3 year old worries a lot.

She often doesn't try new things like playing with toys with other kids because she worries about what the kids will do.

And she often says she doesn't want to go to new places because worries about falling and getting hurt.

And she insists on being in the room when I try to get the baby to sleep because she is worried that the ceiling will fall down.

I tell her that Hashem loves her, and sing her songs about it. I also play the "what if?" game to try to teach her to think of ways to handle situations that she is worried about. These seem to make her feel a bit better but I am looking for more ideas.

what has worked well for you guys?

Thanks.

salt

Tue, Mar 10 2015, 3:16 am

Telling her that Hashem loves her might be too abstract for a 3 year old. I would also emphasize that mummy and daddy love you, and we'll take care of you whatever happens. I guess that would stop being effective if she starts worrying about whether things might happen to you, but as long as that hasn't come up, I think the knowledge that her parents will always be there to protect her, might be more tangible than having Emunah in Hashem.
What's the worst that could happen is also good - I still do that with my 11 yr old worrier.

Jewishmom8

Tue, Mar 10 2015, 4:19 am

I think at that age for sure they watch and learn from what you do and how you behave.
"wow hashem really helped me find that lost shoe"
"thank you hashem for helping us find that last peice of the puzzle. YAY!"
"Chanie's mommy is sick lets daven so she should feel better"
by you having emunah she will have that as her normal.

amother

Thu, Mar 12 2015, 5:08 pm

My friend told me a psychologist recommended she introduce the concept of being "safe" to her 2 or 3 year old daughter. That certain places are safe (your house) and certain people keep you safe (mommy etc).

Also, it sounds like your daughter worries more than the average 3 year old - I really recommend that you talk to a professional about it to get her more concrete help, before it gets out of hand (when it will be harder to deal with). I suffered from terrible anxiety as a child, and the earlier she gets help or you consult with a professional on ways to help her, the better off she'll be - she shouldn't have to suffer with anxiety.

greenfire

Thu, Mar 12 2015, 6:41 pm

not sure if the right word is emunah ... you can teach her that hashem is everywhere & sing her that song

"hashem is here hashem is there hashem is truly everywhere - up up down down right left & all around - here there & everywhere is where he can be found" Music

however, you can try to assure her that mommy is here for whatever she needs

but did she see something to make her think so deeply into ceilings falling down ? she's too little to worry so

granolamom

Fri, Mar 13 2015, 9:51 am

emunah is all fine and good, and I think there are some good suggestions here about teaching emunah to small children. but, like others have said, it sounds like your child needs help with her excessive worrying.
I, too, was a highly anxious child, and I have some of my own. what's helped my small worrywarts is pointing out when they did the thing they were scared to do and it worked out ok. ask her when the last time the ceiling fell down. you can point out that its never happened even when you were not in the room. play a game where she runs into a room, looks up, runs out and you celebrate oh look the ceilings not falling down! make it not scary anymore.
when you get home from a new place, point out that she was ok, didnt fall down or get hurt.
when she does fall down or get hurt point out that she fell and is now ok, ppl fall all the time and they are usually ok. when you fall down or get hurt show her that you got hurt and you are ok. saying "I am OK" often is a good thing to teach her to do when she starts to worry. you can always couple it with 'hashem is with me, I am OK'. I'm not sure if she old enough for this one, but another good one is 'I am scared, but Hashem is with me and I will be OK'.
when you arrange a safe playdate (meaning the other mother knows what you are working on and its a nice gentle passive kid) point out how the other kid was nice to her, shared, etc. if she finds herself in a situation where it doesnt go so well, again, point out how she is now OK even if the other kid grabbed her toy or said something mean.
aside from emunah she needs to learn that yes, there are things that potentially can hurt us but the odds are that they wont hurt us badly if at all. we are ok.
it took me too long to figure that out, I think the sooner you start the better off she will be. good for you for recognizing this now.

amother

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 11:55 am

In Miriam Adaham's book living with kids, she explains that a child refers to hashem as the availability of her parents. I think that first a child should know that her mother is always there and will take care of her.
The gam zo latovah book worked with my daughter age 21/2. Me role modeling it was the trick.
I'm a real fan of getting professional help when a child shows extreme in any direction.

Heyaaa

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 11:58 am

63 wrote:

Oh, btw, yes, oddly, our ceiling has actually collapsed twice so it's not such an unreasonable worry.. Sad

Suggestions on helping her process that?

[b]

Teaching her about Hashem saving her from bad things like ceilings falling isn't going to help someone who has experienced a ceiling falling twice. Im not a psychologist but IMO it's more likely a PTSD issue than an anxiety issue.

granolamom

Wed, Mar 18 2015, 8:02 pm

63 wrote:

Oh, btw, yes, oddly, our ceiling has actually collapsed twice so it's not such an unreasonable worry.. Sad

Suggestions on helping her process that?

aw, poor kid! that's a scary thing to live through...we actually had a tree fall on our house and into my anxious childs bedroom so I know what that's like.

first thing is that guess what...she's ok! what helped us here was retelling the story and gradually changing the telling to make it almost humorous or adventurous. so the first few times, you tell it (or get her to tell it) as she felt it, in all its horror. then you change one thing, like "and then butterflies flew in through the hole" and wink and say no they didnt but that would be funny..and continue on.
I find that this helps change the memory into something not scary anymore. it takes time.
playing it out with little people or dolls helps, drawing pictures of it helps. if she likes to sing you can make up a silly song about it and put in some stuff like 'our ceiling fell down and we danced around, it fell down twice with butterflies and mice' I dunno you get my drift.
I think keeping things light (first you really have to listen and empathize though, never minimize her worry until she's been thoroughly heard) helps with the anxiety. but I'm not a therapist so take my advice at your own risk.

Thu, Mar 19 2015, 7:49 am

granolamom wrote:

what helped us here was retelling the story and gradually changing the telling to make it almost humorous or adventurous. so the first few times, you tell it (or get her to tell it) as she felt it, in all its horror. then you change one thing, like "and then butterflies flew in through the hole" and wink and say no they didnt but that would be funny..and continue on.
I find that this helps change the memory into something not scary anymore. it takes time.
playing it out with little people or dolls helps, drawing pictures of it helps. if she likes to sing you can make up a silly song about it and put in some stuff like 'our ceiling fell down and we danced around, it fell down twice with butterflies and mice' .

That's great! I'm totally going to use that! Smile

Thank you!!