Consequence Ideas - Fighting

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Ivory

Tue, Jun 02 2015, 8:49 am

My pre-teen sons have been fighting a lot recently and it escalates to fist-fighting pretty quickly. I've been discussing that Hashem gave us hands to do good things, and not for hitting etc. and said that I will not tolerate hitting.

What is an appropriate consequence for hitting?

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Jun 02 2015, 10:51 am

amother wrote:

Their hands obviously need more work. Explain that to them and then have them:

Wash dishes
polish silver
do yard work
scrub toilets

Idle hands and all that

amother

Ivory

Tue, Jun 02 2015, 2:43 pm

Thanks! Def worth a try.

Any more ideas?

imasinger

Tue, Jun 02 2015, 3:16 pm

I like Seagreen's idea, though I have a different one.

Another tried and true method is that the opposite of action is inaction.

In our home, we have the following rule posted around: No (intentionally) Hurting People. No Hurting Things.

Anyone who breaks it gets a time out. Time outs are taken apart from each other, but in my view, and sitting in a boring place. Stairs are good.

Usually, that's all it takes.

Fistfights stem from frustration. I have seen boys poke each other when bored, but outright hitting means that at least one person is really mad, to the point they lost control. Once both sides have cooled down, I help them sit together and find a workable solution.

The best way to grow past hitting, IMO, is to build better skills for problem solving.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Jun 03 2015, 8:17 am

Thanks too imasinger.

The problem though, in particular with kids (my kids?) of that age, is that when they're in the middle of a fight there's no way any of them will actually go to time-out. It's like talking to a brick wall.

One of my sons always seems to do things that annoys the other, he also gets easily annoyed, so fighting has been happening way too often. I have discussed using words to show frustration but at this point I think consequences is the way to go.

Iymnok

Wed, Jun 03 2015, 8:35 am

Hurting for no reason gets punished. There are many types of hurt.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Jul 12 2015, 12:11 pm

Still struggling with this. Bumping for more ideas.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Jul 13 2015, 5:07 am

bump

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