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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
Indigo
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 Sat, Sep 19 2015, 9:08 pm
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I have a terrible phobia of bees, and it seems my kids ave picked up on it. And now Dh is livid. He's been harping on it all Shabbos since one of the kids ran inside from the yard and refused to come back out because a bee flew. Yes, I know it's my fault and I feel terrible that it's gotten to a point where at least one kid won't play outside now, but yelling at me that I've ruined our kids and if u really truly loved them I'd suck it up and deal isn't exactly helpful. This phobia is really causing a lot of problems, both for the kids and for shalom bayis. What can I do now? Is there any chance of teaching the kids not to fear bees to this extent?
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groisamomma
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Sat, Sep 19 2015, 9:20 pm
I passed my extreme fear of cats on to my kids. When we go to BP they ask to walk in the street bec we saw cats near the garbage cans on the sidewalk once. My oldest daughter (10) still cries when she comes close to a cat. DH says the same thing yours does. My answer is that I could've passed on a lot worse things to them so bh it's only this. 
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Emotional
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Sat, Sep 19 2015, 9:59 pm
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I passed onto my kids my extreme fear of almost any insect, and an intolerance to being in the same room as anyone eating canned fish.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Sat, Sep 19 2015, 10:34 pm
Anyone in the park this RH had an entertaining show watching me panic when a bee was on my trail.
My kids have expanded this fear to all insects, even those without stingers or pinchers.
Oh, well.
If it impacts your quality of life enough I guess there's always therapy. 
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Dolly Welsh
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Sun, Sep 20 2015, 12:12 am
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Is hypnosis useful for this kind of thing? For you. If you cease to have these feelings, the kids may follow your lead.
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amother
Red
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Sun, Sep 20 2015, 2:11 am
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Of course you can deal with your phobia--and it would be best if you do it asap. CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) is very helpful and if you had a trauma in the past from bees then you should try an EMDR therapist. In many cases, phobias can go away after very few sessions and then you can be totally free. Speak to a local CBT therapist and see what they say. You do not have to live like this anymore.
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fbc
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Sun, Sep 20 2015, 7:49 am
Omg I'm also scared of bees/wasps, and know I'll pass the fear to my kids  I already told my mom in law to expect to see me hiding behind someone next to me, or jumping around the sukkah at my first bee sighting, and then eventually admitting defeat and eating inside...
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Dolly Welsh
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Sun, Sep 20 2015, 9:15 pm
I was once stung good and proper by one wasp. One time. It hurt. I remembered it all afternoon. The next day I was fine. It is certainly not fun but it is not a huge, huge, deal pain, like go-to-the-hospital level pain. I was adult at the time. Perhaps children feel things more intensely.
In general, creatures hurt you because they want to eat you (wasps don't) or you are intruding on what they perceive as their territory. This was a ground-dwelling wasp, and I was walking too near his nest for his taste. I couldn't know that. But it happened just once, over many years.
As for the Eppy Pens for bee stings, I suppose one should have those in the medicine cabinet or something.
Just saying. It isn't nothing but it isn't everything.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Sun, Sep 20 2015, 9:18 pm
Dolly, I don't fear the pain so much. In fact I'd rather the bee get the stinger in and be over with it.
It's the lack of control over the little stinger and "omg where is he gonna hit me from" that is so scary. To me.
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gp2.0
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Sun, Sep 20 2015, 11:44 pm
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I passed on my fear of giant house centipedes and giant cockroaches. To be fair I'm pretty sure my mom was the one who passed it on to me!!!
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FranticFrummie
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Mon, Sep 21 2015, 1:09 am
| amother wrote: | | Of course you can deal with your phobia--and it would be best if you do it asap. CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) is very helpful and if you had a trauma in the past from bees then you should try an EMDR therapist. In many cases, phobias can go away after very few sessions and then you can be totally free. Speak to a local CBT therapist and see what they say. You do not have to live like this anymore. |
Oh my gosh, THIS, so much!
Please, do it for yourself, do it for your kids, and do it for your shalom bayis. Nobody should have to live in fear like that!
Signed, ex arachnaphobic.
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Dolly Welsh
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Mon, Sep 21 2015, 3:05 am
| amother wrote: | Dolly, I don't fear the pain so much. In fact I'd rather the bee get the stinger in and be over with it.
It's the lack of control over the little stinger and "omg where is he gonna hit me from" that is so scary. To me. |
Animals don't do things at random. They have behavior patterns. If you aren't perceived as bothering them they go about their business, particularly busy bees, unless they want to eat you, or you bother their ideas about their territory. If you sit on a bee, or bother the hive, yes. You can sit and watch bees work and they won't bother you if you don't go near them. No, don't go right up to them. Keep a distance. But a bee won't sting you without a reason, meaning, it's idea of a reason.
You don't have control, but it does, over itself. It does not act weirdly, so to speak. It only does what it does. It doesn't do just anything.
But that's all talk. If you need help, take the suggestions here.
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