Davening the Yamim Noraim at Home

goodwife1

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 11:36 am

Baruch Hashem after almost 4 years of marriage my husband and I are expecting! It's very exciting obviously.
Along with the good comes some things that are not so easy to come to terms with, such as not being able to go to shul on Yom Kippur. I spoke to my Rav on Erev Yom Kippur (of course everyone asks their own Rav) and he told me the fasting is more important that davening in shul, so I should stay home and relax. He heard how disappointed I was, and I told him I really wanted to be able to daven in shul on Yom Kippur, definitely for Neilah. SO he told me I can come, but to take it easy and watch myself.
Next came crisis mode: How can I have Yom Kippur at home, by myself? Without a chazan or a kehillah?? I reached out to some close friends for chizuk which they provided. It helped, but I know it will take me some time to get used to the new norm of having Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur davening in my home.
But then it got me thinking: I davened all of the silent amidahs. But what about the parts of davening that are in chazaras hashatz? Unesaneh Tokef, the seder ha'avodah, bowing down. Was I allowed to say them by myself at home? Then I wondered, is there some sort of "women's machzor" that tells you what things are the most important, what parts you can say at home alone and which need to be said in shul with a minyan?
What do other women do when they are spending the Yamim Noraim at home? If anyone knows of any sort of text or shiur that talks about this, please let me know!!
Thanks and Gmar Tov!

miami85

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 12:02 pm

I can definitely relate--I used to be one of those who hardly left shul all day on YK, stood as much as possible etc. and now I'm home with the kids.
1)Realize that your role as a mother--teaching your children is a vital link in mesorah so you don't need that "additional inspiration" as much as people without kids/single girls. The reason we need to be "part of the kehila" is so that it appears to HaShem that we are a "necessary part of this world" so by being a wife and mother--you are fulfilling that role.
2) Having tzar g'dul banim is probably mechaper on a lot of your aveiros, so you don't need as much tefila. There's also the "other two" of giving tzedaka, and just talking out your teshuva. If your baby/ kids are sleeping you can read sefarim talking about teshuva, emunah, self-improvement (chofetz chaim etc).
3) You can hire a babysitter or switch off with friends (especially next year iy"H when you have an infant--not as hard to watch 2 infants). I personally like to hire a babysitter to watch kids during kol nidre and neila. The Avodah of mussaf I can read on my own, and can visualize the u'nesaneh tokef after being in shul for many years. Find some friends to hang out with during the day, makes it go faster and you feel less lonely and you can help and take turns watching kids/davening.
4)Talk to your husband. I saw it in a kol koreh that because the main avoda of yom kippur is fasting, it said that if a wife is not feeling well (it was in the context of pregnant/nursing), husband should help.

mha3484

Thu, Sep 24 2015, 12:19 pm

I dont know when you are due but if you use an eruv, check to see if your shul offers any childcare. Part of the reason I go to the shul I do is that they offer babysitting. I feel like it shows that they value womens participation. They were happy to watch my 10 month old which allowed me to daven on Rosh Hashana. There were women with new babies in carriers that were super quiet. I would not rule out shul going at this point.