Help! They don't listen!!!

Tweedy

Fri, Oct 30 2015, 6:28 am

lizard8 wrote:

Been there, done that.
Sticker charts didn't work for us either. What helped the most for us was a laminated visual chart of everything that needed to be done, a strict schedule and incentives.

The chart is words with a picture (get dressed and a picture of a person getting dressed), and boxes to fill in each day of the week. This is to show them what is expected of them each day. They can take charge of the chart and move onto the next thing because they can 'read' it. The list can start like this:
Wake up nicely
say modeh ani and wash negel vasser
eat breakfast
get dressed
put on shoes/coat
go to school nicely etc.

Get your children excited about the chart before you even start it. Read it to them, and let them read it back to you. Explain how it will work.

You have to follow the order of the chart, this will give routine. Let your children know that if they are ready for school (completes the beginning of chart) then they can have time to play or another incentive. The same goes for evening routine. Once your children are ready for bed, they can have another incentive eg. 10 minutes of screen time (I use a timer, so they don't get upset at me once it goes off. I don't deviate from the timer)
Basically, whatever incentive you give, you cannot give them at other points of the day. If the incentive is screen time at the end of the day, they can't watch earlier.

Throughout the day, or at the end of the day, check off the chart. I personally didn't do the end of the week prizes because my dd was happy with just looking how many checks she got.

where can I get/find this chart? sounds great

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Oct 30 2015, 6:44 am

I get a feel that your shalom bay is issues are more severe then you let on. Seems you are letting out frustration in the kids.
I'm not being judgmental because I've totally btdt. It's a horrible feeling.
I'm sorry if I'm totally off here, but if that's the case what has worked for me is to keep myself calm by telling myself over and over "its up to me to be the stable warm parent. This kid deserves a parent" and with that in mind I find myself controlling my inpatients and anger better.
Charts are also hugly helpful.

Again, I'm sorry if this doesn't apply to you and if I've just projected my situation onto yours.

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Oct 30 2015, 7:57 am

Op,I am wondering why you are let ting your children have so much power over the situation. They are 4 and younger not 45. Move the toys to a different room, even if it clogs the living spaces, have that battle in the morning once or twice until they get the point that mommy is not a doormat. I have never known a child who would simply not listen. This is a clear sign that they have learned this behavior works. If I want to sit and play I can do what I want and mommy will not do anything about it.

Make the punishment for later in the day. If they will not get up and get dressed when you say it is time then no play dates after school or no video or something else mthey are looking forward to. You are the parent they are the children, not the other way around.