Dreading shabbos :(

amother

Cerise

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 2:23 pm

I live in Brooklyn with no family nearby. I have two kids aged 3 and 1. I live in a building with not so many other frum families and every other girl in the building that I ever met is a Brooklyn girl meaning they have family here. I am really depressed today. I used to love Shabbos. Today I am just dreading the thought of the first looooong Shabbos afternoon that I will be stuck in my apartment. I don't need advice. I need sympathy. Please tell me if you are in the same situation. I need to hear that I am not alone being stuck home all Shabbos with no visitors and cant go outside.

allthingsblue

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 2:26 pm

I'm in a very similar situation! I have one kid, though.
And I'm not dreading shabbos, although I wish I had friends here, I do have fun playing with my toddler and I love spending technology- free time with my husband.
I also like reading.

boysrus

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 2:27 pm

amother wrote:

hugs to you OP
you are absolutely not alone. When I was first married with three kids under the age of 3 approximately, I was stuck in the whole shabbos and couldnt go out as the place I lived did not have an eruv Sad

I used ot find it really depressing.
I know you said you didnt want advice, but I just want to tell you the three things that made it a bit easier for me:
1) inviting guests for shabbos lunch so that I had some adult company other than dh, it really broke the day up and made it nicer. it was worth the extra cookihng and expense.
2) dh taking charge and enabling me to get out for an hour or so to a shiur or to visit a friend
3) occasionally buying a new book to read and enjoy when the kids were napping...

hang in there.

amother

Wine

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 2:28 pm

I live in same town as some of my family but they are not walking distance so I'm in the same boat. I know all about dreading Shabbos. I don't have much in the way of neighbors. I make sure to have what to read, for when my kids allow and I sleep. Hug

mha3484

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 2:36 pm

I deleted my comment because I gave advice when you did not want it but I want to empathize. We dont use the eruv and it is hard. We have learned to divide and conquer though. DH stays home with one child and I take the other to the park.

My children are 4 years apart so once my older child could walk, we went to the part almost every shabbos. I was worried we would have a hard adjustment once we had a non walking baby again but we have managed to work it out over the past year.

amother

Cerise

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 2:38 pm

Thanks all for the replies and so quickly too. This is brooklyn no there is no yard. My three year old does not nap and my one yr old takes one nap in the late morning so the afternoon really is with two kids no napping break - not very condusive to reading a book. We take turns watching the kids. I get to nap first and DH watches and then we switch. There is a park that I can take my three yr old to but that would mean to shorten nap time for me and dh because wed each be having one kid and no one would be napping then.....

mha3484

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 2:41 pm

We used to all nap at the same time when I had one child and when he gave up his nap, I did too. The park wore him out enough that he would be in bed by 7 on shabbos and I would get this nice quiet hour or two when DH was in shul for mincha/SS/Marriv. I kind of started to like it better then napping.

amother

Silver

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 3:08 pm

Im in a similar boat..I totally dread shabbos. I have a 18 month old and I'm 7 months pregnant. I recently moved to a new community where I have no family and really dont have friends yet. Plus I live in a really hot climate so going outside, on walks, to parks is really not worth it-especially when pregnant!None of our neighbors have little kids, or even school-aged kids!
My husband will take my daugther for like an hour or so, but even still I really dont enjoy shabbos Sad

pesek zman

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 3:38 pm

amother wrote:

Sounds like parenthood. It's nice that you and your husband came up with this schedule for you to both nap but as the season changes and your children get older you may need to revise the system: perhaps one of you nap every other week. I suggest this because I think your 3 year old really needs to be taken out, and while I appreciate you both want your nap, he's at an age where he needs to be able to run wild for a bit, even if that means sacrificing your nap. I dont remember the last time I had a Shabbos nap: it's lousy but my baby needs me and that's what I signed up for when I became a mom. I think flexibility is key, and it's easier said than done

Beyla

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 3:50 pm

Hi op! Totally in the same boat, no eruv here! When I had my first it was so depressing to not be able to go to shul or see friends! My house was so small and nor comfortable, but with time it's so much better now bh!
I also don't have a park at walking distance for the smaller ones,so the big ones and my 2yr old just go to shul for mincha and I stay home with the baby. Shabbos is very long here!
I try to invite people to my house for play date or a meal, I don't have family here either, and also try to enjoy more my kids (easier without phone and house chores) and in the end we have a beautiful Shabbos Bh. I hope it will get easier for you! Hugs!

STMommy

Fri, Mar 18 2016, 12:46 pm

amother wrote:

Maybe try this one week anyway and see if it helps you feel better? Especially now that we changed the clock and the afternoons are getting longer? If you introduce yourself to other mommies and get to know other moms who bring their kids to the park on a weekly basis Shabbos afternoons you might find yourself with a new social group. Also can't underestimate the importance of fresh air and not being cooped up for your mental health....

amother

Sapphire

Fri, Mar 18 2016, 2:02 pm

Uch.
I remember those days - I used to live somewhere with no eruv and shabbos was (please forgive me for saying this) the worst day of the week.
I had 2 under 2 and thought I would climb the walls.

Its good you dont want advice, bc I have none, those were very hard years for me.

The day does pass, but slowly. get a billion books from the library.

best of luck.