Do I get involved in my 9 yr old son's social situation

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Cyan

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 11:26 am

So the story is like this. My son who is almost 9 made new friends this year as we just moved into this neighborhood in the beginning of the year.
In the beginning of the school year he made a friend (who was so kind to reach out to my son), but later on discovered other friends that share more of his interests. So he doesn't really play with the first one. First friend invited him to play but he said he has plans already, (in his mind he has permanent plans with the other friend who lives on the block.)

So question is do I keep insisting he plays with the first friend bec it is not nice not to?
Do I leave it alone bec. we cant force our kids who to be friends with?
(Happens to be the second friend is a wild little guy and I prefer less wild kids but along the same lines, I find we can't dictate who our friends play with. Often times if you discourage a friendship they will pursue it even more...

Any thoughts or advice?

mommy3b2c

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 11:57 am

Invite the first kid over. Do not let your son abandon him. It's mean, and a horrible lesson for life. He can be friends with the second boy as well.

octopus

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 12:26 pm

It's a hard call. You can't force a friendship, either. This is a very hard situation;

FranticFrummie

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 12:28 pm

Ask him why he doesn't feel a kesher with the first kid, and see if he can find a common interest with him. If they both like fish, take them to the aquarium, etc.

amother

Cyan

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 12:44 pm

I keep telling my son we need to have him over but he refuses. He is stubborn. The question is if I should push it. I feel like I am so involved in every part of my kids lives, and when I was growing up no one was involved in these issues of mine and I survived just fine..
So I always wonder what's the balance..
I think my son gets too into the new friend. Like he thinks he can't keep the old ones too..I tried to explain to him with my friends, how the one in preschool is still my close friend, and also the one from 7th grade, and the seminary one, and the college one...and so on. He doesn't want to hear it.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 12:45 pm

amother wrote:

You survived just fine, but what about the kid who's friendship you abandoned?

amother

Cyan

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 1:01 pm

who says I was never the abandoned one?

debsey

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 1:14 pm

why not involve the mom of boy #1? Explain that your son is obsessed with boy #2 but you'd like to keep the friendship with boy#1 viable. Ask her for ideas.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Jun 10 2016, 1:21 pm

amother wrote:

who says I was never the abandoned one?

And how did it feel?

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