Parenting books | Imamother

amother

Lavender

Mon, Jul 18 2016, 10:59 am

We have a very cute and a times really cute 4 year-old that REALLY gets on our nerves sometimes. He's very bright and very verbal, but he has a tendency to be very self-directed, often paying no heed to our warnings and does somethings that are poorly thought out and will get "stuck" or hurt, or break things. He also has a tendency to want things "NOW" and tends to whine a LOT. He tends to be anxious by nature and recently started not letting us leave (even just to take the garbage out) without umpteen kisses. If I "chas v'shalom" leave in the morning if he's still sleeping, even though my husband is there, he will have a massive tantrum--he has run out of our apartment building before (we're on first floor) trying to catch me. Not exactly sure what triggered this hysteria.

As a seasoned aunt and preschool professional, I have a lot more "tools in my arsenal" and I tend to have more patience. My husband does not have as much, and he's "losing it" with him. As he seems to be beyond reason sometimes, I am getting close as well. I have considered getting him evaluate, but I know from experience, that he wouldn't qualify for any services.

My husband prefers to read books than go to classes, can anyone recommend any good books?

TeachersNotebook

Mon, Jul 18 2016, 11:19 pm

I want to tag this thread in my history, because I just took out a bunch of parenting books to go through this Summer. If any of them sound good for you, I will try to remember to come back and let you know.

A lot of the behavior you're describing sounds normal for my 2 (just about 3)yo. I probably shouldn't be asking this, considering your background, but... are you sure this is abnormal for his age? My DD does all of this, and I never considered this not normal. She often does things that are poorly thought out with bad outcomes, because she wants to do it herself. Just tonight she spent 45 minutes (while I was busy preparing supper) whining to me that she wanted to go on a trip RIGHT NOW and having mini-tantrums when I said it had to be later. We installed a hook-and-eye on our front door to prevent her from running out after us when we leave (or leaving before we were all ready, too, if it's a family trip). While I'm taking it as par for the course of toddlerhood, I also know there are probably "better" and "worse" ways of dealing with it, hence my pile of parenting books.

Much hatzlacha in your specific situation!

amother

Salmon

Tue, Jul 19 2016, 4:56 pm

I highly recommend 1-2-3 Magic!

We use it with our preschooler, and it works great - deals well with not listening, destructive behavior, and whining. We love it.

Also, I see the poster above mentioned she thinks these are normal behaviors for this age. I agree that these are normal behaviors, even for a 4 year old. BUT, I also believe that just because a behavior is normal for a specific age, that doesn't mean it can't be improved. Just because the average 4 year old is whiny, doesn't mean that they have to be. Our toddler whines way less than an average 4 year old whose parents don't impose limits on whining. We are 'strict' about it, and it works. It's amazing for all of us to have a pleasant child (for her too!).

4 years old in particular is the perfect age to try to curb whiny and destructive behavior. the reason is because they have outgrown some of the impulse control problems that plague 2 and 3 year olds, and can therefore really be able to master these behaviors

Anyway, good luck!