My nearly 12 year old dd doesn't brush and floss

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Cyan

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 4:56 pm

Dd 11 year old rarely brushes or flosses her teeth. She ends up brushing around once a week. My husband said to not let her go to camp the next day if she doesn’t brush. I suppose that could work, but I’m not wiling to do that. Would you punish her like Dh wants?

Gitch

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 5:24 pm

I would do an incentive before I'd think about punishment.

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 5:39 pm

Find her some information to read or a video to watch about what happens to teeth that aren't brushed and flossed. Then leave it up to her bc it sounds like if you push she'll push back so you won't gain anything there. It's her mouth and you can't force her to take care of it but you can provide the information she needs to make good choices for her own benefit.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 6:52 pm

My DD is the same way. I've convinced her to at least use mouth wash, and I let her chew sugar free gum that has Xylitol in it. Xylitol kills the bacteria that causes cavities, and chewing the gum helps remove some of the plaque.

It's not ideal, of course. DD has a lot of sensory issues with her mouth, and we've tried all different kinds of tooth brushes and toothpastes, from gentle baby formulas, to letting her pick whatever flavor she likes.

At this point, I'm just grateful that she showers every day, and doesn't need to be reminded that often when her hair gets oily.

mummiedearest

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 7:02 pm

have you considered brushing and flossing with her on a daily basis? she might like that.

flowerpower

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 7:17 pm

In camp she may get peer pressure to brush when everyone does so. I'd take her shopping for her own toothbrush and toothpaste that she likes. That helps my kids.

greenfire

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 7:43 pm

I would help her brush them until she gets the hang of it ...

the alternative is rotten teeth

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Jul 28 2016, 9:30 pm

I would speak to her and find out what about brushing and flossing she doesn't like.

For many years I did it only rarely because I hated the taste of the toothpaste, was worried my toothbrush wasn't perfectly clean, and had a lot of negative associations with it ("Why are you only brushing today, you lazy girl? You're going to lose all your teeth before you're 40! Don't you know what happens when you don't brush? Your teeth are disgusting! Are you aware of the concept of hygiene?").

I also had dentists that reinforced those messages ("You are a tooth failure") every time I came.

Years later, I found a toothpaste I truly liked, a way to keep my toothbrush clean, and floss that didn't get stuck in my teeth. I found a time to brush that didn't mess up my day (before the shower, so I could continue spitting out any leftover toothpaste flavor, and my mouth felt normal by the time the shower was over). Most of all, I found new messages to myself ("This toothpaste has lots of great ingredients that will help your teeth stay healthy! Your mouth feels and smells so clean now! Look, you can see the difference!").

I also was lucky enough to find a new dentist that ONLY says positive things to me.

There is a very big difference between brushing your teeth as a failure and brushing your teeth as a competent person.

Please don't yell at, threaten, or send dire messages to your DD. Better help her get set up with a positive approach to brushing that will last a lifetime.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 10:51 pm

Op here. Thanks everybody for the replies. Dh asked me to post this:

We've tried most of the suggestions given including having her dentist explain the importance of brushing daily, showing her pictures of bad and no teeth, various incentives, and nothing has worked. I believe it's an urgent health matter, and want her to stay home from camp if she doesn't brush and floss the night before.

gp2.0

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 10:59 pm

What about asking her why she doesn't brush her teeth? Have you tried that?

Amother honeydew's post is really great.

Dandelion1

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 11:05 pm

I would try getting some of the kids' flavored toothpastes. I despised the burny mint flavors when I was younger....

Dandelion1

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 11:06 pm

Just wanted to add that the active ingredients are the same fluoride-wize.

saw50st8

Mon, Aug 01 2016, 11:11 pm

I would tell her that dental care is expensive and since she isn't taking care of her teach, they are more likely to corrode. As such, every day that she doesn't brush or floss, she needs to pay into her dental fund. Let her pay you in cash or chores. Pick a value that's tough enough to bother her but not enough to demoralize her.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 1:10 am

Does she understand the correlation between not brushing and having bad breath? Does she want to be that kid, with the bad breath? That's pretty much all it takes in this house.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 1:26 am

amother wrote:

I believe it's an urgent health matter, and want her to stay home from camp if she doesn't brush and floss the night before.

Maybe she'd prefer to brush in the morning?

chani8

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 2:23 am

amother wrote:

There are two ideas that work. One is to give your child sugar free gum. Supposedly it cleans the teeth just by chewing it. And mouthwash with a nice flavor. A swig of mouthwash may be more interesting for her than brushing.

I have a family member that says he never brushed his teeth except with a dry toothbrush. Perhaps your child hates all the wet mess of brushing? Try this. She can brush in her bed before she goes to sleep even.

I certainly would never punish for this. Oh wait, I dont hold by punishing much anyway. But for not brushing? Seriously. No.

Ask her what it is about brushing that makes her not want to do it. Then fix the problem.

eta - flossing is asking too much. None of my kids flossed until teenagehood. These days there are brushes with super thin bristles that work like floss. Good enough.

momaleh

Tue, Aug 02 2016, 5:02 am

Can you explain the dynamic here? In our house, it goes like this. Every night, right before dd11 goes to sleep, I say "go brush and floss." she does.
Do you ask her and help her if she needs? Or are you just saying she doesn't brush but no one's on top of it? With some of my younger kids I do it for them, and if they are not cooperative, they lose some privilege immediately, usually a story or talking time before going to sleep.
I agree with the poster who said to find out what's bothering her about it - if she's of normal intelligence, she should be able to grasp that her teeth will decay if she doesn't take care of them. IS there an emotional hangup? Are there other things with a problem as well?

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