DD's new camp friend

rmf32

Thu, Aug 11 2016, 9:27 pm

First off I'm new here so wanted to give a quick hi before launching into my question Smile

My DD10 is in camp this summer. A couple of weeks ago she mentioned that there was a girl in her bunk that she became a little friendlier with. One day as I was picking her up from camp, I ran into the father of this girl who asked if the daughter can come over. The play date ended up not being such a success as the girl just played on her phone the whole time despite my daughter's attempts to interact with her. Additionally I was a irritated that the parents didn't come to pick her up until almost 9pm.

So now the father sends me texts almost daily asking if the girl can come over again. My daughter wants to be nice and doesn't want to hurt this girl's feelings but would really rather not have her again and just doesn't feel like it's a match. Up till now I have been making excuses when he asks but now it is getting uncomfortable. I ran into him the other day at pickup. It was raining and I saw he was coming my way so I tried to hide my face with my umbrella (I hate confrontation) but he still peaked his head under and asked if something was wrong and why I haven't had her over again? I made an excuse that I work and I'm often tired at the end of the day. So he said that he is often in the city and can't get to camp on time for pickup and if I could get her that would be a help.

Bottom line is I'm feeling uncomfortable and I also want to respect my daughters feelings but I also don't want this girl to fee bad. Would you 1. Continue to make excuses, hoping he takes the hint? 2. Answer honestly that it just wasn't a match, or 3. Convince dd to have her over 1 more time in the hope that they back off and to avoid hurting the girl.

Sorry for the Megillah Wink

amother

Red

Thu, Aug 11 2016, 9:32 pm

I would have her over one more time . Is there a mother in the picture ? It seems like you might be doing a chessed for the girl and the father. I would though make a pickup time clear and would ask the girl not to use her phone while over at your house. If it's a disaster , you certainly tried and did your best.

Amarante

Thu, Aug 11 2016, 11:17 pm

Seems there might be something more going on perhaps as why is he solely responsible for picking up the daughter. Is the mother out of the picture. Does your daughter know?

Regarding the mismatch, I would want to respect your daughters wishes. She is after all not a toddler and certainly of the age when she is capable of making her own social decisions for the most part.

Such a difficult situation as the father and daughter both seem socially tone deaf. Who doesn't take a hint when multiple texts are not answered. And what kind of kid thinks it's appropriate to visit a new friend and not interact with the friend. They both seem odd.

At least this will not continue for long as camp is almost ending.

rmf32

Thu, Aug 11 2016, 11:46 pm

Thanks for the replies. The mother is in the picture as the father gave me her number as well and she was the one who picked up her daughter from my house.

I definitely agree about letting my daughter take the lead here, which is basically what I have done thus far. I guess part of me is wondering if I'm teaching her the right thing as far as giving people second chances or being considerate of others feelings. But I agree that they do seem socially off and it might be best to just leave it alone.