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Forum
-> Parenting our children
Do you ever hit your children?
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No, never! |
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40% |
[ 67 ] |
On occasion, for discipline |
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55% |
[ 91 ] |
Yes, all the time |
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3% |
[ 6 ] |
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Total Votes : 164 |
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amother
Blue
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 4:30 pm
There was a lot of hitting in the home I grew up in. Today it seems that most people agree that it's unacceptable (although many still do it). What do others feel/do?
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amother
Teal
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 4:34 pm
Never - even though I have a bad temper thats one place I would never go. It will kill any emotional relationship u have. I talk to my kids and get to their level and that is so effective plus they have a great connection to me
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amother
White
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 4:35 pm
I did once when my preteen was a toddler. I don't even remember the circumstances anymore but I was very aggravated and I slapped him. Not hard, but hard enough that he cried either out of pain or shock. I felt terrible and resolved never to do so again. And I haven't.
How can we teach children not to hit each other or adults if we hit them as punishment? There are much better methods of discipline available that actually work instead of just scaring children into good behavior.
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Chayalle
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 4:57 pm
I gave an occasional potch when my kids were little...and if I did it all over again I wouldn't. I've learned better, more effective skills since then.
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amother
Linen
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 5:51 pm
never.
and it's a terrible terrible thing to hit your kids out of anger. there is real strong things brought down in seforim about hitting your kids out of anger. So even those that do believe in potching, it's only an approach if you do it PURELY out of chinuch and NEVER when you are also angry about what they did. even if it's chinuch also, you can never hit when angry.
but as chayelle said, there are much better approaches and methods these days.
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Water Stones
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 6:28 pm
I got hit spanking from my father and dh got hit spanking from his father too. Not hard like abuse but I don't agree with that and our mothers don't too even that they let it. And I don't agree with it too. But dh says it's ok to do spanking. Our baby is only 9 months and of course he never hit her but I told him he can't ever hit our kids. He said ok and I hope he mean it ok because that will be big problem between us.
This is a good shidduch question when you dating serious for engagement.
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amother
Crimson
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 7:20 pm
No. I grew up in a home with a mother who was 100% opposed to hitting children. One time my father spanked me, I remember my mother coming home and finding out about it. She sent him packing and I honestly thought they might divorce (it seemed really dramatic to me at the time). So, no. Though I am very far from the perfect mother.
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amother
Aquamarine
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 7:28 pm
I did not hit until my third was born. I lost it. Three was too much for me. I hit a number of times and quickly got myself into therapy. Once I was in therapy I had a place to vent and the hitting stopped.
I was hit as a child and it has impaired me in important ways. So I want to spare my children this experience.
I cry for all the children who are being hit by their parents. The pain goes very deep. It has lifelong impact in ways I am just beginning to know and be able to speak about.
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amother
Magenta
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 7:29 pm
Nope, never. And I don't have super easy kids either. But I simply don't believe it's right. Neither me nor my husband were ever hit either.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 8:12 pm
Sometimes. I am not proud when I do. It usually doesn't hurt but it feels like a loss of control. If I ever really did lose it with a child I always apologize.
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amother
Slategray
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 8:12 pm
amother wrote: | I did not hit until my third was born. I lost it. Three was too much for me. I hit a number of times and quickly got myself into therapy. Once I was in therapy I had a place to vent and the hitting stopped.
I was hit as a child and it has impaired me in important ways. So I want to spare my children this experience.
I cry for all the children who are being hit by their parents. The pain goes very deep. It has lifelong impact in ways I am just beginning to know and be able to speak about. |
Can you give some examples? Doesn't have to be your personal experience..... just to educate
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amother
Seashell
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 8:27 pm
I used to hit my oldest once in a while, but then signed up to parenting classes and put a full stop to that.
My daughter probably doesn't remember but I do and I cry when I think if it. I can't forgive myself, especially that I can't say it sometimes wasn't out of anger and frustration. I haven't hit since.
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amother
Gold
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 8:28 pm
I know some people who say they wud never hit their child but they pinch their children instead. Is that better?
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amother
Mistyrose
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 8:32 pm
Pinching because you love your kid and think they are cute is not the same as hitting out of anger. But yeah, if you know your kid doesn't like it don't do it.
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amother
Gold
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 8:38 pm
amother wrote: | Pinching because you love your kid and think they are cute is not the same as hitting out of anger. But yeah, if you know your kid doesn't like it don't do it. |
I don't mean pinching cute cheeks. Rather pinching on the arm, legs, etc which basically functions the same as hitting but in a more discreet manner.
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pizza4
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 8:39 pm
amother wrote: | I know some people who say they wud never hit their child but they pinch their children instead. Is that better? |
That is much worse. I don't potch. But I wouldn't be as horrified seeing a parent giving a small potch for discipline as seeing a parent pinch!
I HAD a friend who would do to the child as the child did. Child hit? Mother gives small potch to the child. Child kicked? Mother gives small kick. I was it wasn't the only thing we didn't see eye to eye on.
To the parents like this- grow up....
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amother
Mistyrose
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 8:44 pm
amother wrote: | I don't mean pinching cute cheeks. Rather pinching on the arm, legs, etc which basically functions the same as hitting but in a more discreet manner. |
Oh my! So much worse. To me that appears like a whole other leval of anger.
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amother
Turquoise
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 8:50 pm
I used to give a potch sometimes. Then I had a small playgroup and one time a kid was misbehaving terribly and I was fed up and exhausted. I am embarrassed and never admitted this to anyone till now, anonymously. I gave her a potch. I was horrified at what I did and gave the child a big hug and that day I quit.
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amother
Aquamarine
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Mon, Nov 14 2016, 8:50 pm
amother wrote: | Oh my! So much worse. To me that appears like a whole other leval of anger. |
Ouch. Pinching hurts! I wish parents would find another way to vent.
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