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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
cornflower
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Sun, Nov 27 2016, 4:55 pm
I didn't know where to post this. My son who is 13.5 and has HFA and ADD has been molested a few years ago. he had been in therapy for years because he developed an obsession with wanting to see other boys penises. He used to ask boys if they wanted to show each other..
Then we thought this behavior had stopped. He started yeshivah ketana this year and was expelled last week for standing for long minutes in the toilets and trying to get glimpses of...
Boys got creeped out and parents demanded he be expelled.
I'm now looking for people who might know resources in Israel who can help with that kind of problem. I have no clue where to start, what kind of therapists to look for. I'll be grateful if anyone knows something or can ask for me in the Israeli forum. I'll PM anyone who has some leads.
We are chassidish, if that matters.
Thanks in advance,
A broken mom.
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ROFL
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Sun, Nov 27 2016, 4:59 pm
Hugs to you. I feel for your son and your family. You are going they a hard time. I heard of a school in israel and will try to look for the name of it for you.
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animeme
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Sun, Nov 27 2016, 5:09 pm
If your child has HFA, you might want to attack this behaviorally as well. I'm not in Israel, but I would check with an ABA agency to ask if they know anyone who does this kind of work. Unfortunately, this isn't an unusual problem in the autism community.
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amother
cornflower
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Sun, Nov 27 2016, 5:18 pm
Yes, it's extremely tough
The way he was expelled was horrible too. I need a yeshiva and resources for help. The autism complicates things a lot, that's true.
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amother
Aquamarine
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Sun, Nov 27 2016, 6:37 pm
SOVRI Helpline
Support for Orthodox Jewish Victims of Rape and Incest
888-613-1613
You don't have to be alone.
We are here to listen Monday-Thursday 9:30am-5:30pm and
Friday 9:30am-1:30pm.
We are confidential and anonymous.
We don't have caller-ID.
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amother
Amethyst
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Sun, Nov 27 2016, 6:55 pm
I heard of a school in Israel called Matara. It's a Jewish therapeutic Boarding school for teens. I don't know anything about or if this is the sort of thing you want, but check it out on their website: http://jewishresidentialtreatment.com/
They sounded helpful and available when I got in touch with them for some personal advice, so perhaps they can help you with ideas if they aren't right.
Good luck, sorry you going through this
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amother
Tan
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Sun, Nov 27 2016, 7:19 pm
OP, it sounds like your son is not safe to be around children in a standard school setting for the safety of the other children. You didn't mention if your son has had trauma therapy for his own s-xual abuse? If so, the work is not done yet, and you need to return to that therapist for more work.
Your son needs to be in a highly structured academic setting with a high ratio of tescher to student supervision and expert professional staff. In the US, he would be in an ED classroom, I don't know the equivalent of that in Israel. I doubt this exists within the chareidi school system:. You will likely need to get him classified and serviced by the public school system for special education.
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sourstix
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Sun, Nov 27 2016, 8:14 pm
op I have no advice for you as I havent dealt with this. just sending you hugs ((((())))). hashem should guide you in the right direction.
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amother
cornflower
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 4:43 am
amother wrote: |
SOVRI Helpline
Support for Orthodox Jewish Victims of Rape and Incest
888-613-1613
You don't have to be alone.
We are here to listen Monday-Thursday 9:30am-5:30pm and
Friday 9:30am-1:30pm.
We are confidential and anonymous.
We don't have caller-ID. |
Is this in America?
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FranticFrummie
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 4:53 am
amother wrote: | OP, it sounds like your son is not safe to be around children in a standard school setting for the safety of the other children. You didn't mention if your son has had trauma therapy for his own s-xual abuse? If so, the work is not done yet, and you need to return to that therapist for more work.
Your son needs to be in a highly structured academic setting with a high ratio of tescher to student supervision and expert professional staff. In the US, he would be in an ED classroom, I don't know the equivalent of that in Israel. I doubt this exists within the chareidi school system:. You will likely need to get him classified and serviced by the public school system for special education. |
Based on the OP, it sounds like you are being rather harsh. At this point, he's just looking, not touching. I agree that having a shadow for a while would be helpful, but saying he's dangerous is going rather a bit far. OP is already upset enough as it is, and she's taking the situation very seriously.
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MitzadSheini
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 5:04 am
I just wanted to say that I have been thinking of you since you posted and I am davening for you that something really really obviously good will come out of this for you and your son.
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5*Mom
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 5:16 am
FranticFrummie wrote: | Based on the OP, it sounds like you are being rather harsh. | I agree.
OP I don't know where you are located but Helise Pollack in Beit Shemesh is an exceptional therapist with decades of experience treating victims as well as victims who offend or are at risk for offending. Please call her. 02-999-5222. If it doesn't work out for whatever reason I'm sure she can refer you further.
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amother
Aquamarine
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 5:33 am
amother wrote: | Is this in America? |
Yes. I'm sorry. I missed the Israel aspect. I suppose it's possible they have referrals in Israel but I don't know.
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amother
Hotpink
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 6:54 am
animeme wrote: | If your child has HFA, you might want to attack this behaviorally as well. I'm not in Israel, but I would check with an ABA agency to ask if they know anyone who does this kind of work. Unfortunately, this isn't an unusual problem in the autism community. |
Source please. I've never heard of that and have a son with asd and lots of friends wh kids with asd as well.
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amother
Babypink
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 7:03 am
Op I feel for you
I don't know of resources in Israel, but
Dr Ballen does know.
Contact Dr Ballen and he will help you find the right place for your son.
He himself is a licensed psychologist, but I don't think he treats these kinds of situation, not sure, but he will know to whom to direct you in Israel.
http://www.zevballen.com/emuna......html
He is a person with a lot of Anava and will tell you his humble opinion. What to do is this was his child.
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amother
cornflower
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 7:43 am
5*Mom wrote: | I agree.
OP I don't know where you are located but Helise Pollack in Beit Shemesh is an exceptional therapist with decades of experience treating victims as well as victims who offend or are at risk for offending. Please call her. 02-999-5222. If it doesn't work out for whatever reason I'm sure she can refer you further. |
Consider yourself hugged! THANK YOU!
A few questions: Is she English speaking? Or Israeli?
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amother
Linen
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 7:50 am
amother wrote: | Op I feel for you
I don't know of resources in Israel, but
Dr Ballen does know.
Contact Dr Ballen and he will help you find the right place for your son.
He himself is a licensed psychologist, but I don't think he treats these kinds of situation, not sure, but he will know to whom to direct you in Israel.
http://www.zevballen.com/emuna......html
He is a person with a lot of Anava and will tell you his humble opinion. What to do is this was his child. |
He is a psychotherapist and is very familiar with autism.
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5*Mom
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 7:51 am
amother wrote: | Consider yourself hugged! THANK YOU!
A few questions: Is she English speaking? Or Israeli? |
English speaking, not Israeli (thought she's been here a looong time).
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amother
Tan
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 7:58 am
FranticFrummie wrote: | Based on the OP, it sounds like you are being rather harsh. At this point, he's just looking, not touching. I agree that having a shadow for a while would be helpful, but saying he's dangerous is going rather a bit far. OP is already upset enough as it is, and she's taking the situation very seriously. |
I beg to differ. Her son has compulsive s-xual behavior, and it is harming the other boys. This behavior is completely not within norms for his age. The first order of course is to prevent other children from harm. Whether or not he has touched them is besides the point, he is using other children to fuel his s-xual compulsions. That alone is traumatizing to children. As a survivor of CSA, most of which included the non touch variety, I can assure you that this falls very much under the category of trauma. A "shadow" for a little while will definitely not touch the roots of this very serious problem, and once the shadow is removed, he will revert to the behavior immediately. That is how s-xual compulsions works. He needs serious ongoing trauma treatment and he can only be around children in a highly structured, supervised therapeutic setting. This Is not harsh, this is realistic. And it is compassionate to this poor boy to prevent him from continuing or escalating his behavior and putting himself at risk for further s-xual harassment and acting out behaviors.
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amother
Oak
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Mon, Nov 28 2016, 8:00 am
amother wrote: | I beg to differ. Her son has compulsive s-xual behavior, and it is harming the other boys. This behavior is completely not within norms for his age. The first order of course is to prevent other children from harm. Whether or not he has touched them is besides the point, he is using other children to fuel his s-xual compulsions. That alone is traumatizing to children. As a survivor of CSA, most of which included the non touch variety, I can assure you that this falls very much under the category of trauma. A "shadow" for a little while will definitely not touch the roots of this very serious problem, and once the shadow is removed, he will revert to the behavior immediately. That is how s-xual compulsions works. He needs serious ongoing trauma treatment and he can only be around children in a highly structured, supervised therapeutic setting. This Is not harsh, this is realistic. And it is compassionate to this poor boy to prevent him from continuing or escalating his behavior and putting himself at risk for further s-xual harassment and acting out behaviors. |
I agree. My brother is also a survivor of CSA and exhibited similar behavior to the OPs son.
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