How to deal with them not staying in bed

amother

Peach

Wed, Jan 11 2017, 9:11 pm

I have a 5 1/2 yr old, a 4 yr old and 2 1/2 yr old. The 2 younger go the bed within 10-15 minutes of each other. I tuck them in, read them a book and kiss them good night. Process about 15 minutes. They share a room. Then I go to 5 1/2 yr old to read a book and tuck in good night. Also 10-15 minute process. Then they all want me to stay in the room till they fall asleep, watch them, bring a drink, need this, need that. For at least an hour I'm a policeman. If I'm not making sure they stay in bed they jump around, come downstairs, etc.
Tonight I had enough. The 2 younger came out of bed 5 minutes after done story time. 5 1/2 yr old kept dancing around and leaving her room not going into bed. (She understands if she does that she won't get a book, she doesn't always care. ) as they did their thing I quietly went into my room and locked the door. After 20 minutes they missed me and came pounding on my door "tuck me in" I answered "I did already you came out, now is my bedtime I'm not coming out." they cried a couple of minutes and then wandered into bed. I feel terrible, they probably feel abandoned, but I don't know what else to do to discipline them into understanding that after I spend time with them they can't come out and play. How terrible is it if I do this every time they comes out of their rooms after bedtime?
How can I get better control be bedtime and make it a smoother process? And dh is mia most evenings so asking him to come home early won't work. He typically gets home a couple of hours after their bedtime so I can't wait for him.

mummiedearest

Wed, Jan 11 2017, 9:24 pm

I think you handled it well, actually. let them know that the rule is that you will spend five minutes in the room with them after tucking them in, then it's your bedtime. set a timer so they can see how much time they have. they won't be scarred, they'll just learn that bedtime is bedtime.

lucky14

Wed, Jan 11 2017, 10:57 pm

they do not feel abandoned, they may be upset, but they don't feel abandoned. You make rules in your house (like bedtime) and you need to enforce those rules. Keep doing what you did. Make it clear that they get one "tuck in" goodnight routine or whatever. You shouldn't be in there for so long. You don't need to be in there until they fall asleep. Make it clear to them and just keep being consistent about it.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Jan 11 2017, 11:37 pm

Can you try a positive reward system? A check or smiley or sticker for every night you stay in bed and a reward after x amount of checks. Obviously the consistency that u are already doing goes hand in hand with this. But it might eliminate the need for it.

seeker

Thu, Jan 12 2017, 1:11 am

They don't feel abandoned, they feel disappointed that they're not being spoiled anymore. It's an adjustment. If they quieted down after a few minutes then I am sure they'll get used to it really quickly.

The only way I'd improve on that is to put it in place proactively - the kid might feel rejected if they come to you to be tucked in as usual and SURPRISE all of a sudden you say no to something you've always done. But if you lay down the rules at the beginning of bedtime, then they know what to expect and when you enforce those rules they may not enjoy it but it won't be a big emotional issue. They'll know where they stand.

I have the same rule for my kids (though when it's not a recurring issue I do break my own rule from time to time) - I tuck you in when I put you to bed, and if you decide to come out of your bed then you are just going to have to tuck yourself back in. They're not tiny babies who can't figure out how to pull up a blanket - it's about wanting extra attention and mothering which is lovely but sleeping time is not a good time for it.