Hinting that you're pregnant - but not saying outright.

DefyGravity

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:07 pm

I've noticed lately that when friends tell me they're expecting, they don't say it outright. They like to make it into a guessing game, which I think is very immature.

An example:
My friend told me that it's getting harder for her to drive because her belly gets in the way. Well. . . this person has always been overweight, so it wasn't obvious that she was telling me about a pregnancy! I wasn't sure whether she was telling me that she'd gained weight or that she was actually pregnant. I was like, "Oh that's interesting." And then she said, "Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?" So I said, "Possibly. Why don't you tell me clearly what you're trying to say."

I'd really prefer it if people would just tell me, "DG, guess what? I'm expecting!"

I really don't appreciate roundabout guessing games.

amother

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:16 pm

Ah! Thank you! I just posted in the "How should I tell my friend" thread about this very issue. So I guess the way is to just say it straight out. I agree that hinting is horrible. It's degrading, in a way, too. Just say it!
But what about being startled by the news? I don't want to catch a friend offguard... But I guess if I say, "well, I just wanted to tell you my news..." and then go on to tell her, she'd have a kind of heads up from my first sentence...

DefyGravity

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:19 pm

I think just by giving that preface, she'll immediately brace herself for the next part of your statement - and probably realize that you're gonna say that you're expecting.

You can say, "I've got some good news I'd like to share with you. . ."

At this point in our lives, we know that our friends are going to (G-d willing) have babies. It's just a matter of when (for most people). It's going to come as a bit of a surprise no matter what, but like you said, making it into a guessing game and beating around the bush is kind of degrading.

CAYA

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:33 pm

I also think its immature this beating around the bush.
I was shmoozing with a freind, was telling her that someone asked me where I'm upto, someone told her I'm preg, and it wsnt even true, was just complaining to taht freind that I hate such rumors, freind asks me all innocently, SO, IS THIS A HINT? I thought it was extremely silly of her, I told her, I wouldnt hint if wouldnt want u to know, I would say straight out, no point in hinting

amother

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:36 pm

And one more question- I'm the amother above:
Should I bless her with "iy'h by you, soon" or is that too much. Obviously, I know I shouldn't shower her with blessings, that's just stupid, but I remember that when I was having a bit of trouble at the beginning and my sil told me that she was expecting, I was a little insulted that she didn't say any iy'h by you bracha or anything.
What are your thoughts?

CAYA

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:41 pm

amother wrote:

depends what type of person ur dealing with. Is she overly sensitive or not

DefyGravity

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 3:49 pm

I feel a bit put-off when people say, "IMH by you" b/c then I feel as if they think that I'm having problems conceiving. Probably isn't the case, but it kind of makes me feel like that feel sorry that I don't have kids yet.

amother

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 4:19 pm

My husband's friend can't say straight out that his wife is expecting bec. then it means that he slept with her. He is embarrassed. I still can't figure that one out, he should be more embarrassed not to sleep with her.

amother

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 4:41 pm

amother wrote:

Because if he doesn't say it and she just looks pregnant or you find out form someone else, that means.... Scratching Head

amother

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 4:59 pm

And for some the 'telling' is just uncomfortable. and they feel its a little less uncomfortable to 'hint' at it. I also feel a bit uncomfortable telling ppl. 'hi, I'm pregnant!' so I usually also hint at it in a very humorous, obvious way- not that the other person should have to think 'was she trying to tell me something?'

mimivan

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 6:15 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

Wow, I always was hesitant about giving a beracha in this situation but thought it was just my being worried. I guess it does bug people. But I do really want to give people a beracha... there is one friend I don't give berachas to directly, because I don't know if she has reached the stage yet where she can't concieve and I don't want to make her feel bad or embarrass her, so I give her berachas when taking challah, lighting candles, reading tehillm so I don't embarrass her...but couldn't some peopel fee put off by NOT being given a beracha?

Raisin

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 6:25 pm

amother wrote:

In Victorian times, women wouldn't even leave the house (pregnancy was also known as "confinement") so people shouldn't see that they were pregnant and therefore know that aha! they must have slept with their husband. (tee hee!)

peach

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 6:40 pm

amother wrote:

Its very different if you're having a little difficulty in the beginning, and if someone is having real infertility. so even if you were insulted that she didnt give you a bracha when you were having a little trouble in the beginning, it doesnt mean that your friend, who may be having REAL issues, would necessarily appreciate hearing it. once it becomes a real issue, it becomes more sensitive. But everyone is different, I cant speak for everyone.

bashinda

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 9:03 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

usually in the frum world when people have been married a certain amount of time and there's no kids that it's because there's ch'v a problem. It kind of makes sense since frum live is very oriented towards having / raising children. So it would kind of make sense that someone would feel sorry that you don't have kids. Obviously they shouldn't make anyone feel like a nebach though.

chocolate moose

Tue, Jul 10 2007, 9:06 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

Can't you just say, "In the right time."