Home with Mommy or at the sitter

behappy2

Thu, May 04 2017, 9:04 am

I'm going to spin this question another way. Is it better for her to pine for me, cry, keep trying to get my attention and I am unable to be responsive, tantruming bec she keeps getting into trouble while I am doing my daily chores or for her to be playing at the babysitter?

amother

Wine

Thu, May 04 2017, 9:57 am

behappy2 wrote:

It's always better that your baby is happy, than not happy. you need to figure out a way to integrate your schedules. Baby is still small enough to put in a carrier.

You are not 'harming' your child or your relationship with your child by 'sending her out' if the sitter is actively babysitting (and not ignoring your child).

However - paid childcare is a luxury for a SAHM. Luxurys are great if you can afford them. Be realistic. Perhaps what you need is some IRL coaching from someone who has 'been there, done that'.

lucky14

Thu, May 04 2017, 3:26 pm

behappy2 wrote:

It sounds like baby and you will both be happier with her going out for 10 hours a week.

It's hard for others to judge and give you answers since we don't know what your financial situation is like, your stress level, or any other details about what you're going through. Everyone handles life differently. Some people are great at taking care of the kids and housework and a paying job and much more, but the reality is it's very hard to multi-task and you know yourself and your baby.

amother

Cerulean

Thu, May 04 2017, 7:43 pm

Quote:

amother wrote:
but the fact is that babies need their mommies. y

Quote:

Please provide support for this fact.

please provide support for the fact that babies need their mommies? LOL!!

ok, here is just one article (amongst thousands) that I quickly googled:

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/l......html

Now, can you provide support for the fact that babies are better off without their moms? Sounds interesting... Rolling Eyes

amother

Cerulean

Thu, May 04 2017, 7:47 pm

Quote:

Everyone IRL is telling me to send her out.

I have a hunch that

Quote:

everyone

who gave you that advice, have their own kids in daycare and are feeling guilty about it.

behappy2

Thu, May 04 2017, 7:51 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

Everyone IRL is telling me to send her out.

I have a hunch that

Quote:

everyone

who gave you that advice, have their own kids in daycare and are feeling guilty about it.

No. Ppl that know me and care about me including my mother and my really good friend.

nechamashifra

Thu, May 04 2017, 7:58 pm

Quote:

What is keeping you from being responsive? If you have the choice between hiring someone else to either do your daily chores, or to be responsive to your baby, it might make more sense to choose the former. The days are long but the years are short.... I don't think you'll ever regret the time you spent with your baby. On the other hand, I never heard anyone looking back and saying "I wish I had spent more time on the laundry and household chores".

Just want to add that if it's a break that you're needing (not just the need to get things done), there's nothing wrong with getting a babysitter for a few hours so that you can go to the gym or get a manicure or do something for yourself...

amother

Wine

Thu, May 04 2017, 8:25 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

amother wrote:
but the fact is that babies need their mommies. y

Quote:

Please provide support for this fact.

Thank you for sending me to an opinion piece in the Huffington Post. Thank you for also suggesting that I think that babies are better off without their mothers. That was an obvious conclusion.

I thought about OP a lot today. I was wishing for her that she had relatives nearby who could help her out with a few hours a week of childcare. Or that she could find a local friend with a child of a similar age and they could look after each others kids for a few hours a day. I was thinking about how isolated she seems, and how difficult that is. It takes a village to raise a child.

behappy2

Thu, May 04 2017, 8:31 pm

Thank you all for responding. I got the clarity I need. Mainly to do what works for me and my baby. Right now it is working for the whole family to have her sent out on as needed basis so I can eat three meals a day, rest when I need, take care of myself and have the head space to come up with a list of items I need in the store! This week I got to exercise, something I haven't done in a really really long time. No. I didn't do it while she was out but since she was out more I was able to have my house in order etc and had energy and time after the kids went to bed. I know you all mean well but it is really not helpful to make me feel bad about sending her out.

behappy2

Thu, May 04 2017, 8:34 pm

amother wrote:

Thank you!! Yes. I have no family here. I am planning to send my kids to my parents for a week in the summer. Much needed time to recoup. I had a very stressful year with them.

amother

Linen

Thu, May 04 2017, 9:57 pm

Just playing devils advocate here, but if I knew someone in my life was really short/annoyed with their baby, and I had doubts about her mothering skills, I would probably also say 'Why don't you send her to day care? She'll do great!!!' purely for the sake of the baby... you think its happening to you op? Maybe its time to brush up on your patience? Or take some parenting classes? Cant hurt...

amother

Blue

Thu, May 04 2017, 11:23 pm

behappy2 wrote:

Thank you!! Yes. I have no family here. I am planning to send my kids to my parents for a week in the summer. Much needed time to recoup. I had a very stressful year with them.

have they spent time at your parents house at all? A week is a long time to be away from you in a foreign environment.

You sound very burnt out from motherhood.

justmarried

Fri, May 05 2017, 5:19 pm

amother wrote:

have they spent time at your parents house at all? A week is a long time to be away from you in a foreign environment.

You sound very burnt out from motherhood.

Everyone needs a break occasionally. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a child staying at their grandparents for a week, assuming they know their grandparents.
They will probably even be excited!