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Forum
-> Inquiries & Offers
-> Israel related Inquiries & Aliyah Questions
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amother
Royalblue
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 Thu, Jul 13 2017, 12:02 pm
I'm wondering how do I tell my mother/parents that I'm planning on making Aliyah without making her angry/sad/lonely, etc...
I already have siblings there so it's not a new concept for them. She tries to dissuade me all the time by saying how hard it is to live there and how all these people are returning because they don't have work/money.
My parents visit Israel periodically but don't like it there (they get sick there, too). And I'd be "taking her grandkids away". I think they'll feel abandoned. I'd like to keep a good relationship, I just need to soften the blow, I guess.
TIA, Any advice would be appreciated
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amother
Blush
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Thu, Jul 13 2017, 12:08 pm
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Break it to her slowly-over a week or to Say that you have been thinking seriously about Aliyah. Then next time say that things are not great here and so on. After a while, it will not be such a shock (although still very hard,it's real)
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Ruchel
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Thu, Jul 13 2017, 12:14 pm
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Don't expect her to be happy or to understand. She might be very angry at first. Maybe make it about parnassa, or schooling needs.
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FranticFrummie
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Thu, Jul 13 2017, 12:18 pm
The first thing you need to do, is validate her feelings. "I understand that you're going to miss the grandkids a lot."
Then validate her concerns. "I've talked to a lot of people and done a lot of research, and I'm aware of the challenges we'll be facing."
Then move on to "BUT..." and list all the wonderful opportunites you'll have.
Follow up with ways that you plan on staying in touch. They want to hear that you will write, phone, Skype, or whatever. Of course you will! They need to hear you say it anyway.
Rinse, repeat. It will probably not all sink in the first time around. Keep validating, without getting bogged down in being defensive about your decision. Don't get sucked into arguments about how hard it will be, and keep focused on the positive.
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amother
Purple
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Thu, Jul 13 2017, 12:21 pm
I agree with Ruchel.
I don't think there is any way to avoid the distress. But I'm sure you will tell them in the most understanding, compassionate way you can.
My parents, though they sent us to Tzioni schools and camps our whole lives, did not really believe I would go. They never said a word about being happy for us even though they would miss us. When we last visited to say goodbye, more than one of their friends said - You know you are breaking their hearts.
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