Taking DS to the womens bathroom

SixOfWands

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 3:00 pm

DrMom wrote:

I seem to have lost the plot here.

What does having relations have to do with using the correct bathroom?

Because the women here are talking as if 11 and 12 year old boys are sweet, innocent little babies who need Mommy to supervise while they go pee-pee, and have Mommy watch them wash their hands. (One poster said she did supervise her 11 year-old's hand washing.) When, in fact, a very substantial portion of males that age are z3xually mature, and may even be z3xually active at that age.

I'm generally quite the helicopter mom, at least according to my kids, but people here surpass me, by a lot.

DrMom

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 3:28 pm

Squishy wrote:

If they are capable of having relations at age 12, what is the cutoff for using the correct bathroom? Is 11.9 still ok? Some ladies don't realize how aware children are at that age. Biology is not different for protected boys. They may not say to mom, but they are quite aware that going into the ladies room is forbidden to almost all of their peers. They get to peek at forbidden territory.

I guess I still don't see the connection. Children should be using the correct bathroom on their own *many years* before they are capable of having their own children.

Peeping at "forbidden territory?" Frankly, I don't think many adolescent boys *want* to use the women's bathroom, especially with their mommies hovering nearby.

Maya

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 4:15 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I said I watch him wash his hands, in the context of not seeing him peek into the other stalls, not because he needs supervision with washing his hands.
Way to twist my words for you agenda.

SixOfWands

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 4:28 pm

Maya wrote:

I said I watch him wash his hands, in the context of not seeing him peek into the other stalls, not because he needs supervision with washing his hands.
Way to twist my words for you agenda.

I hardly think that I have an "agenda" here, and I greatly dislike being accused of "twisting" people's words.

maya wrote:

My kid is a very small 11 year old, and it never dawned upon me that people would be uncomfortable with him in the women's restrooms. He doesn't hang around looking into stalls; I supervise him going into his stall, wait until he's done his business, watch him wash his hands, and we leave. What's the big deal?

You didn't say that you "supervise" him going into a stall, and "watch him" wash his hands lest he try to peak through the cracks, which, frankly, would make me think of him in a whole different light than I want to. Are you actually concerned that he would do so if you didn't "supervise" him going into a stall, and "watch" him wash his hands? Or what am I missing? Because the only reasons I can see to "supervise" a tween in the restroom is if he needs help with something, either in the restroom, or in behaving appropriately.

Maya

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 4:34 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

One poster said that kids undoubtedly peek into stalls. I countered by saying that I watch my kid and I've never seen him do that, so her claim is false. That's all.

It's so amusing, all the assumptions you are making, which are so far from my reality.

33055

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 4:47 pm

DrMom wrote:

I agree with you.

1 Children should be using the correct bathroom long before they are preadolescent.

2. 11 year old boys do NOT want to use the bathroom with their mommies hovering nearby. They are probably humiliated, and CV their friends spot them coming out or going in, they will be further humiliated.

I disagree though that boys do find it naughty to be going into the ladies room. They are more aware than their mommies think. They are in the sixth grade. In my secular public school they segregated the kids in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade into jr high precisely because they are more mature. Many kids were s-xually active even of they didn't have full intercourse. They are wired the same as the frum kids.

33055

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 4:55 pm

Maya wrote:

Because when you are watching your kid, he isn't peeking; therefore, the claim kids peak is false?

Inadvertently, my eye has been caught by movement inside the stalls through the cracks. I promise you that I wasn't looking. Our eyes are programmed to pick up movement. Of course, I quickly look away.

The truth is that many frum boys stare. They have this unrelenting stare. You know this is true.

jkl

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 5:00 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

That's funny Amarante. I don't consider myself a paranoid parents and give my kids a lot of freedom. But I don't think the bus terminal at Port Authority is a great place to let them go by themselves.

If you are waiting outside the door until it has been too long, you are already too late. I don't understand your modesty point. What is a woman doing in the public area of a bathroom that requires women only? Anything a woman is doing in that area should be for public viewing or be done in a stall.

The question I have is are you really doing it for protection of your son, or rather its related to afraid of letting go. Raising our kids requires us to give our kids the tools they need to navigate life and not do everything for them. We need to let go and let them put their tools into practice. It is accepted and expected everywhere than an 11 year should be able to navigate a public bathroom by himself, and to have internalized the safety skills needed to protect himself. If you feel that your son is lacking the tools to do so at age 11, he is lagging behind his peers.

Part of being a parent is always worrying about our kids and letting go is extremely hard to do. No one is telling you that you need not to worry or be on the alert when the child is in the bathroom - that is very normal. What the amothers are trying to get across to you, is that at age 11, its time to cut the cord and let the child learn how to navigate life (age-appropriate of course).

What will be when your child is old enough to drive? The dangers out there are astronomical and the worrying about it is overpowering. How is that going to be managed when you can't literally follow him around everywhere?

amother

Lilac

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 7:31 pm

I was doing my thing in a stall fairly recently when a boy, and not a little boy, slid on his back into my stall, and smirked at me. I waited for his mother to come out and told her what happened. She said nothing but gave me a look like it was my fault.

A few years back I was teaching 8th grade girls. Quite a few of them used the same place for women's swim that I did. There were far too few individual stalls with curtains. Being undressed around my female students made me self-conscious. I can just imagine what it would be like to teach 11-year-old boys and encounter one of them in the bathroom with me.

amother

Amber

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 7:51 pm

jkl wrote:

Everyone is so harped up about Saw's 11 year old though she has clearly mentioned so many times that he's in fact only 9.

jkl

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 8:04 pm

amother wrote:

Everyone is so harped up about Saw's 11 year old though she has clearly mentioned so many times that he's in fact only 9.

My apologies. The age 11 was continuously being discussed, I lost track of exactly who posted it. Though Saw did make this statement: "At 11, if he's going with his brother, I might allow that because they can watch out for each other."

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 8:09 pm

amother wrote:

1. Was he frum? Because people here seem to think only a frum boy would be there in the first place.

2. Do you think he belongs in the men's room alone if this is how he behaves? Obviously he was not being supervised well enough, but he does not seem to have the skills to navigate a public restroom alone at all.

3. Some kids who are 4 look 6. Could he have been younger than he appeared?

4. Do you use the public space in restrooms as a locker room, meaning you aren't always fully dressed? I have never encountered this before.

33055

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 8:12 pm

amother wrote:

I don't know anyone who can toilet fully dressed.

marina

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 10:03 pm

amother wrote:

And the solution to that is to send him to the men's room alone?

If your kid is sliding under stalls, I'm sorry for you, but you're both going to have to hold it until the single family bathroom is available. Don't send him anywhere without you.

It's pretty unfathomable that I even had to write that.

DrMom

Fri, Jul 28 2017, 1:20 am

amother wrote:

As for the creepy Peeping Tom boy -- not sure how old he was, but I might have "accidentally" kicked him in the head.

Not sure what relevance your locker room story has to this thread. Nobody (yet) said they would bring an 11-yo boy into a women's locker room.