A letter to all who want to read.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 9:57 am

I am very hurt. in a lot of pain. ds had severe adhd. impulsive like crazy. no medications work for him.

the point of this letter is just to get it all out. because I know someone will read it and understand me. I wish people would understand what it means to have a child with severe adhd and encoopresis and understand and not comment.

a nieghbor of mine that lives down the road. said to me yesterday"your ds has such a language......" and I asked her what and she wouldnt say what. I know he has a very rich outspoken language and that hes not embarrassed of anyone and that hes impulsive and doesnt think before a word comes out of his mouth.

so you think I dont know??? so you dont realize I know my ds has severe issues? do you think that a child of 9 years old his mother would know what his issues are. and do you think you now discovered them to me? do I look that stupid? its like a daggar in my heart the comment you gave me.

I didnt create my child with all these issues. if you would know how much pain I have from that comment you wouldnt dear say it. I suffer so much. I struggle so much with all that I have and my other kids and so many other things.

I beg all of you to please think before you speak. you never know what you saya how much it can hurt. I know you didnt mean to hurt me. you most probably got shocked from him. that sucha young kid speaks like that. he says everything that comes from his head. I am taking hi to a therapist im doing the best I can.

comments like these hurt me more then anything else. and you know what I have accepted him for how he is. he is lovely in so many ways. but comments from strangers is more hurtful than anything.

its erev yom hadin I will forgive you but its very painful so please be careful what you say.

thanks for reading. it means a lot to me.

amother

Jade

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 10:04 am

I always tell my dh about our impulsive/angry/inappropriate/challenging son that Hashem gave us this child and somehow we are supposed to do the best we can to raise him (instead of resent him- which my dh does). Someone was once watching as my son was acting as defiant as possible, using the most inappropriate terms -( of which I cannot even write here) - this person commented that I will get a lot of schar one day. ...I can't imagine that anyone else has to deal with this behavior from a child ..it's something to think about that for all the difficulties we have with him my schar is building up. I guess I'm not alone and you are getting schar in this department too.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 10:21 am

thanks for sharing. but the worst part was how I just lost it on him this morning. I couldnt deal with the pain and subconsciously I got so upset at little things he did today and I just yelled at him.

I wish people would realize that these children look normal but not everything about them is normal. so peoplle just comment. having no idea. and then I just fall apart crying at home. and the pain is indescribable. all I want to do today is cry. im so embarrassed of his behavior and thanks for sharing and being here. hashem will reward you no doubt. I just need chizuk. I wish there was a support group. im hopefully going to see his therapist tomorrow. I hope he can help me out.

and you know the funniest thing is I dont even know what the comment was. I think some people just make a big deal of things. some people just look away and some will comment. such is the nature.

to all of you struggling with this. I hope this is helpful.

amother

White

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 10:42 am

amother wrote:

I'm in the same boat. My kid looks regular but is not. He has a few dxs, and is on meds. (Although the bigger problem is when he's not on them!) The comments used to hurt me terribly, now they barely bother me. I let them bounce right off. Sometimes if I get upset - I tell the person complaining that he's Gd's child just as much as he's mine, if you have any complaints direct them to him. (I'm not saying that I as a parent don't have a responsibility to parent my child properly, but there are certain things and times that are just beyond my control and there's nothing I can do.) My child's challenges have taught me to be more understanding and non judgemental to others. I'm at the point where I understand that a difficult child doesn't necessarily mean irresponsible or bad parents.

Now for some chizuk, people who have been in my situation always tell me that the kids that give you the hardest time when they're young, give you the most nachas when they're older. My son is still young but Imh I hope to see this bracha come true. I bench you with this as well!

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Sep 18 2017, 2:51 pm

thank you so much for giving me the chizuk I needed. I just beat myself up for losing it at him. and I get very down. I need to remember that I will fall and make mistakes . I am proud of myself for telling this woman that this is who my son is from whenever I remember him. he always had a language that was inappropriate and I always wondered where he got it from. I never speak this way. neither does dh. he is unique and thats what I told her. hes quirky and different. and I wasnt embarrassed then but overnight and the next morning I couldnt handdle the embarrassement. I was consumed by it. and now I feel better because of you ladies.

you all deserve credit. for the responses. and the chizuk. I really admire imamotherf!. I dont come often here but this was super refreshing.