How to convince husband?

amother

Pewter

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 12:41 pm

Before marriage, my husband was into the idea of moving to Israel and we went to a nefesh meeting together. Well, we had a couple of kids, he got a full time job. He doesn't earn such a high income but he likes his job. He changed his views and now doesn't want to move even though we're struggling paying bills and Jewish school tuition. I just don't see the point of staying. I get it he's not into it as me because I was born over there, have family over there. I have more help with my family over there but he still doesn't want to move. We had this discussion so many times and one time he gave up after the fight and said he'd go to Israel but it feels forceful. He said he doesn't want to go now, but if we wait longer, it will be harder for the kids being older. I really don't see the point of staying in the US since we're not doing well anyway. So did you convince your husbands? If not, did you have resentment towards him for not moving? I really feel like I'll always blame him and have resentment if he won't want to move. Israel was always in my mind and it's hard on our marriage.. which by the way, Israel isn't the only issue on our marriage.

amother

Gold

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 1:54 pm

Firstly don't like what you named the thread. How to convince your husband. You shouldn't be convincing him. This is a major move. If he isn't on board I really don't think it's a good idea. A husband being happy at his job is a very important thing. Even if he isn't making that much. Also jobs in Israel are hard to find. Doesn't mean you will forsure be better off there. I understand how you feel because you discussed it before with him and then he was more interested but time changes people's minds. Also since you are saying you have other issues in your marriage maybe you should try and figure those out and you would be happier. How about marriage consleling?

grace413

Thu, Oct 05 2017, 5:12 pm

In many couples, one person wants to make aliyah more than the other person. However, there is a difference between one person being the driving force behind the mind and the other agreeably going along and one forcing the other to go.

Marriages have broken up over this issue. Think very carefully before you encourage your DH to do something he doesn't want to do.

Does he have prospects of finding employment in Israel? What is his main reason for not wanting to come? Yes, from the point of view re children, its best to come when they are younger.

I love living in Israel and both my DH and I have made many sacrifices to be here. But you can't force a person to make sacrifices they don't want to and expect that there will not be repercussions.

Hatzlacha.

DrMom

Fri, Oct 06 2017, 1:09 am

grace413 wrote:

The idea is she does not *want* to force him; she wants to convince him -- so that he will want to go as well.

OP, it seems that employment is (quite reasonably) a concern here. If your DH agrees to explore employment opportunities, that may go a long way toward seeing aliyah as a possibility.

amother

Lavender

Fri, Oct 06 2017, 3:53 am

This isn't about Israel per se. Moving to a different country and changing jobs is stressful for a marriage no matter what. A good marriage will grow under the stress, but a troubled one will suffer. It's like having a child. - wonderful and yet something both parties must agree to.

achayl

Fri, Oct 06 2017, 8:41 am

About 10 years ago I got the 'lets make aliyah bug' and really was upset that my husband wasn't on board with the idea. Last year, due to circumstances we actually made aliyah. Let me just say that BOTH spouses need to be on the same page for this idea to work. It is such a major move and change in your life.

amother

Forestgreen

Sat, Oct 07 2017, 12:25 pm

This is a very serious decision and if you husband does not want to go maybe you should take it as a sign that you should not go just now. I "convinced" my husband to make aliyah and it was not a good idea. He was right. Ask your rav too and listen to what he says. We will all come to E'Y one day. Just because we women have a love for Eretz Yisroel does not mean it is the right time to go right now..