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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
33055
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 8:51 pm
amother wrote: | Can I ask why you’re getting so worked up? And I’m not the only person on the thread who said they do this - including the op so why are you freaking out on me? I was simply responding to a poster who said if you’re looking it shows that someone is suspicious if they look through a spouses phone. And I said I disagree cuz we are not suspicious of each other. I certainly didn’t request all your lovely comments about my behavior. Why don’t you just relax. |
Then don't post if you don't want responses. I find your behaviour not that of a grown-up. I could even excuse someone who disclosed a text for SB. But your behavior is immature and a violation of privacy without a good reason.
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happy97
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 8:52 pm
There are two different reasons to go through each other's text
- don't trust one and other so checking up
- feel comfortable enough to go through each other's text just to keep up and be in the know
My husband and I always go through each others text I don't think it's a big deal if anything I think it's nice to share everything with dh
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amother
Chartreuse
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 8:54 pm
Squishy wrote: | Then don't post if you don't want responses. I find your behaviour not that of a grown-up. I could even excuse someone who disclosed a text for SB. But your behavior is immature and a violation of privacy without a good reason. |
I don’t have an issue with responses. I’m just wondering what I said in particular got you going on a rant. Like I said before I’m not the only person on this thread who is expressing these opinions and yet I’m the only “disgusting” and “immature baby” here. One might say yelling at a perfect stranger on the internet is not the behavior of a grown up.
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Boca00
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 9:56 pm
naturalmom5 wrote: | No, my husband goes through my texts and says nasty things to acquaintances of mine.
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Omg and you still let him go through your phone??
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amother
Babypink
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 9:58 pm
Squishy wrote: | You don't have a right to judge what is someone else's deep dark secret. You should be honest with your friends and family, and tell them they have no privacy. This way you can't make a mistake. Your behavior is disgusting. You should ask a rov if you are allowed to to do this. |
I may be from the "older" generation (mid 30s, lol) but not one of my friends or family members texts me or my husband anything remotely close to deep, dark, or secretive.
I guess that's why we have no problem going through each others' phones...
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amother
Burlywood
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 10:02 pm
I couldn't if I wanted to. DH has his computer and his phone password locked, and takes them with him everywhere he goes.
I don't know if he's paranoid in general, or if he's hiding something.
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amother
Peach
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 10:12 pm
No.
And I don't check his pockets every night, either. He's a grown man with a right to privacy.
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amother
Amethyst
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 10:25 pm
Can't you just forward the texts etc that you want your spouse to see? Why scroll through each other's messages?
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ohmygosh
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 11:49 pm
Squishy wrote: | You don't have a right to judge what is someone else's deep dark secret. You should be honest with your friends and family, and tell them they have no privacy. This way you can't make a mistake. Your behavior is disgusting. You should ask a rov if you are allowed to to do this. |
Sorry, squishy, but you are way out of line here. No one said they are sharing others deep dark secrets. They clearly said that people don't text them that kind of info and they look at each other's phones for entertainment purposes/conversations (videos etc).
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amother
Cobalt
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:28 am
I did go through my husband's phone, and I really regretted it
I stopped looking through his phone, he's an adult, and he's dealing with his issues, I'd rather not know about it.
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amother
Maroon
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:52 am
I firmly believe that there are no secrets between spouses unless one of them has a career or is in a position such as a Rabbi/psychologist/mikva lady etc.
once there starts with secrets, you’re building barriers. Therefore, anything my friends tell me, I may tell dh. And I am well aware when I tell a friend something that she may tell her dh. And the one friend who always pretended she and her dh don’t share these conversations slipped to me a few times saying things that indiciated that she clearly had told him what I told her. And I didn’t mind. Because I trust that he shares her opinion of me. When spouses are in a good solid relationship, the trust each other’s judgement enough to not have to make negative judgements for themselves.
That being said, I do look through dhs phone and vise verca. Not because we don’t trust each other. But because we are curious what interesting things were posted on chars, whom the other has been texting all day, etc.
That being said, we don’t do that all day every day at all. Once in a while.
Yes I trust dh and yes he trusts me. But sadly you can never fully trust anyone these days. So you do your part
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amother
Puce
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 1:33 am
amother wrote: | Why don’t you trust each other to tell each other about your days. |
How is even related to trust in this case?
Since some women do it because they don't trust there husband, we tend to connect it with "not trusting" only.
It totally doesn't mean that looking on spouses phone has to be related to trust.
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babysmum
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 1:35 am
Sometimes dh will ask me how my day was and I'll respond go check my phone.
This is usually cuz I had a very busy day and am exhausted. Let him see how my day went then we'll talk about it.
I rarely look through his phone. Maybe sometimes I'll check out a public group for entertainment reason if I'm bored.
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amother
Puce
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 1:35 am
Rochelle1 wrote: | If you’re checking, it means that you are suspicious of something,,,, |
Where are you taking this from? Research?
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amother
Black
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 1:38 am
If you ask him if he doesn't mind, and you get his permission to read his stuff than its no issue, ('checking out' sounds like investigating).
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amother
Rose
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 1:44 am
I would never go through DH's phone and he would never go through mine. That said, I belong to family WhatsApp groups that he has no patience for and I will occasionally show him something that I think will interest him. We will also show each other texts if there's something going on that we need to keep up with and we're in public or in front of the kids and don't want to say anything out loud (ie like today when a family member was in the hospital and we were getting updates while at a Chanukah party for a different side of the family).
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33055
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 7:36 am
ohmygosh wrote: | Sorry, squishy, but you are way out of line here. No one said they are sharing others deep dark secrets. They clearly said that people don't text them that kind of info and they look at each other's phones for entertainment purposes/conversations (videos etc). |
I will change the phrasing.
People don't have the right to judge what others would prefer to be confidential.
I don't text any deep dark secrets, yet I still value my privacy. If I text something, I trust it is not for publication. This is why this type of behavior is illegal in most countries.
I dropped a very close friend for this. I realized she showed my texts to a third party. I am 100% not interested in being her friend, nor am I interested in explaining to her she betrayed me.
She texted me for advice for her problem. She showed my responses. I am certain. She probably thinks I am angry at her because of her problem. This is the farthest thing from the truth. Our values are too different to be friends anymore.
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Ruchel
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 7:41 am
Of course. We share much more intimate stuff lol. Exception is when you see it's a discussion that gets personal with a friend, friend's issues or personal life etc, then you can't read because of the FRIEND.
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amother
Slateblue
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 7:44 am
Going through his phone without him knowing would be a huge no-no.
I've gone through my husband's phone max 3 times in 6 years... just not something I care to do. But if I did then he always sitting next to me.
He s a grown man who deserves his privacy. But every couple has different boundaries for privacy. But you cannot snoop in your husband's belongings.
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amother
Azure
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 7:54 am
amother wrote: | Does he go through yours? Do you think there is something wrong with me if I go through my husband’s texts occasionally? |
Never. Not even my kids' phones. It's an invasion of privacy and I wouldn't want anyone going through my texts without my express consent.
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