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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
Leriem
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 Wed, Jul 25 2018, 2:54 pm
| amother wrote: | | Did you notice that every year g-d arranged it that doctors and lawyers make more on average the mailman and secretary? It's never happened that the mashgiach in the takeout earned more than the accountant. So while it's true g-d runs the world, he clearly put a certain order in place. |
And that in no way contradicts that parnassah is completely from G-d. If He wants a person to get his money being a dr, he will give him the brains, ability and decision to become one. If He wants the person to be a Mashigiach, He will put the person on that oath, and will get him the exact amount of money He decides every Rosh hashana that person should have, by different means.
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amother
Babypink
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Wed, Jul 25 2018, 3:30 pm
| Leriem wrote: | | And that in no way contradicts that parnassah is completely from G-d. If He wants a person to get his money being a dr, he will give him the brains, ability and decision to become one. If He wants the person to be a Mashigiach, He will put the person on that oath, and will get him the exact amount of money He decides every Rosh hashana that person should have, by different means. |
I agree with you. I disagree with the idea that there is no tevah in parnassah and hashem gives the guy that mops the floor in McDonald's more than the top executives at apple. Hashem puts tevah into so much of the world. Why reject the premise that hashem put tevah into parnassah?
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Leriem
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Wed, Jul 25 2018, 7:39 pm
| amother wrote: | | I agree with you. I disagree with the idea that there is no tevah in parnassah and hashem gives the guy that mops the floor in McDonald's more than the top executives at apple. Hashem puts tevah into so much of the world. Why reject the premise that hashem put tevah into parnassah? |
Tevah is Hashem’s way of covering up His control of everything, in order to give people free will. Of course there’s tevah in parnassah, but as with everything else, we must do hishtadlus, but hishtadlus has absolutely no effect on the outcome—outcome is up to Hashem. The only thing we are in control of is choosing right from wrong,
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amother
Firebrick
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Wed, Jul 25 2018, 8:31 pm
I was in the position of your BIL wife. My dh has excellent middos and is a great guy but intellectually really not smart. Like your BIL he doesn't get things or pick things up quickly. He had a job that paid minimum wage for the first 2-3 years we were married. As our family grow, he to wanted to do something more.
I never discouraged him or told him he wasn't smart enough. I did point him though in the direction of the jobs some of the other people suggested here and always made him feel good about it (for example - told him the skills drivers needs - responsibility (people lives are in his hands), being on time, mentioned people he knows doing it so it doesnt feel "low down" and ect...) The few times he mentioned slightly embarrassed about not being able to do things that needed a collage degree and just the other things we pointed out - we just spoke about how different people have different smartness's - they may be book smart, but he also has things that employers will really appreciate - hes dedicated, always comes on time, motivated and ect....
He honestly must have gone to at least 25-30 job interviews (he even did a trial by a few and when they saw he had such a hard time catching on, they let him go (and these were not hard jobs by any means ), I just kept at building him up and encouraging him and b'h he eventually found a good job. This employer stuck it out and explained things over and over to him and are b'h very happy now - they now have a worker that they can trust and is extremely dedicated. We are not rich by any means but can buy whatever we need b'h. I work, but the money I make is mostly extra and we have put away quite a bit b'h. we have three kids. We are now expecting our fourth and dh is starting to talk about doing something more. I honestly dont think he could get a higher up job then he has now, but you never know. I'm encouraging him to do something like carpentry or wallpaper and ect.... yes he will need a lot (really alot) of training, but once he learns it he'll do it well and can go out on his own, he can start doing it around his old job (sundays, early morning and ect) and only give up the job he has now when hes doing well. I keep pointing out the benefits of such jobs, teling him why I think he'll be great at it (and I really mean it).
Just as an aside when dh was looking for a job, his siblings did the same thing - didnt discourage him from interviewing anywhere he wanted but did give good suggestions for jobs (like the once mentioned in this thread) and made him feel good about those jobs.
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ShishKabob
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Thu, Jul 26 2018, 8:19 am
| amother wrote: | I was in the position of your BIL wife. My dh has excellent middos and is a great guy but intellectually really not smart. Like your BIL he doesn't get things or pick things up quickly. He had a job that paid minimum wage for the first 2-3 years we were married. As our family grow, he to wanted to do something more.
I never discouraged him or told him he wasn't smart enough. I did point him though in the direction of the jobs some of the other people suggested here and always made him feel good about it (for example - told him the skills drivers needs - responsibility (people lives are in his hands), being on time, mentioned people he knows doing it so it doesnt feel "low down" and ect...) The few times he mentioned slightly embarrassed about not being able to do things that needed a collage degree and just the other things we pointed out - we just spoke about how different people have different smartness's - they may be book smart, but he also has things that employers will really appreciate - hes dedicated, always comes on time, motivated and ect....
He honestly must have gone to at least 25-30 job interviews (he even did a trial by a few and when they saw he had such a hard time catching on, they let him go (and these were not hard jobs by any means ), I just kept at building him up and encouraging him and b'h he eventually found a good job. This employer stuck it out and explained things over and over to him and are b'h very happy now - they now have a worker that they can trust and is extremely dedicated. We are not rich by any means but can buy whatever we need b'h. I work, but the money I make is mostly extra and we have put away quite a bit b'h. we have three kids. We are now expecting our fourth and dh is starting to talk about doing something more. I honestly dont think he could get a higher up job then he has now, but you never know. I'm encouraging him to do something like carpentry or wallpaper and ect.... yes he will need a lot (really alot) of training, but once he learns it he'll do it well and can go out on his own, he can start doing it around his old job (sundays, early morning and ect) and only give up the job he has now when hes doing well. I keep pointing out the benefits of such jobs, teling him why I think he'll be great at it (and I really mean it).
Just as an aside when dh was looking for a job, his siblings did the same thing - didnt discourage him from interviewing anywhere he wanted but did give good suggestions for jobs (like the once mentioned in this thread) and made him feel good about those jobs. |
Hats off to you! You should be honored for the Woman of the Year Award!
This is called chochmas noshim!
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Fox
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Thu, Jul 26 2018, 8:49 am
Firebrick Amother, ShishKabob beat me to it, but let me just say that this is one of the most powerful, important posts I've ever read on Imamother. It should be pinned in the Shalom Bayis forum and probably several others, too.
May Hashem continue to bless you and your family, and may all of us benefit from your incredible wisdom.
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allthingsblue
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Thu, Jul 26 2018, 11:36 am
| amother wrote: | I was in the position of your BIL wife. My dh has excellent middos and is a great guy but intellectually really not smart. Like your BIL he doesn't get things or pick things up quickly. He had a job that paid minimum wage for the first 2-3 years we were married. As our family grow, he to wanted to do something more.
I never discouraged him or told him he wasn't smart enough. I did point him though in the direction of the jobs some of the other people suggested here and always made him feel good about it (for example - told him the skills drivers needs - responsibility (people lives are in his hands), being on time, mentioned people he knows doing it so it doesnt feel "low down" and ect...) The few times he mentioned slightly embarrassed about not being able to do things that needed a collage degree and just the other things we pointed out - we just spoke about how different people have different smartness's - they may be book smart, but he also has things that employers will really appreciate - hes dedicated, always comes on time, motivated and ect....
He honestly must have gone to at least 25-30 job interviews (he even did a trial by a few and when they saw he had such a hard time catching on, they let him go (and these were not hard jobs by any means ), I just kept at building him up and encouraging him and b'h he eventually found a good job. This employer stuck it out and explained things over and over to him and are b'h very happy now - they now have a worker that they can trust and is extremely dedicated. We are not rich by any means but can buy whatever we need b'h. I work, but the money I make is mostly extra and we have put away quite a bit b'h. we have three kids. We are now expecting our fourth and dh is starting to talk about doing something more. I honestly dont think he could get a higher up job then he has now, but you never know. I'm encouraging him to do something like carpentry or wallpaper and ect.... yes he will need a lot (really alot) of training, but once he learns it he'll do it well and can go out on his own, he can start doing it around his old job (sundays, early morning and ect) and only give up the job he has now when hes doing well. I keep pointing out the benefits of such jobs, teling him why I think he'll be great at it (and I really mean it).
Just as an aside when dh was looking for a job, his siblings did the same thing - didnt discourage him from interviewing anywhere he wanted but did give good suggestions for jobs (like the once mentioned in this thread) and made him feel good about those jobs. |
Chochmas nashim bansah beisah.
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amother
Mint
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Thu, Jul 26 2018, 3:52 pm
| amother wrote: | Also government employees.
Those jobs are usually secure and have great benefits.
If he's good with his hands or putting things together, companies like con ed or Verizon (laying wires) usually pay decently and have good benefits. |
What exactly is this job u are talking about which involves "laying wires"?? I know someone looking for a job similar to ops bil so could pls elaborate about this?
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