Just gave birth to baby with Downs

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amother

↑ Seafoam ↓

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 5:41 pm

amother wrote:

Beautiful song

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NLVIp_pOxMY

Thank you so much for sharing this. I cried the whole way through it and sent it to my husband who is also crying.

amother

↑ Ginger

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 5:44 pm

amother wrote:

Correction...

Just did. My phone has the worst autocorrect and as much as I go back and fix it, it always still has mistakes.

amother

↑ Seafoam ↓

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 5:47 pm

Thanks everyone who has posted since. It’s been a hard day full of tears, but right now my sweet baby is sleeping on my chest and I pray my love and hope grows stronger every day so I can look after her in the way she needs. I know things will look different after I’m out of the immediate post-partum stage, after I’ve had some more sleep and after my other kids have met her and loved her.

I’m at the beginning of a journey I never planned on taking. I don’t really want to be here. I want to wake up and have everything different, everything go the way I want it to go. But that’s not how it is and I need to open myself up to this.

Having you all here as a support is a tremendous help.

Stars

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 5:58 pm

You sound so strong op. Keep going in the direction you are and your baby will grow up to be an amazing human being.

amother

Blonde

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:12 pm

I had a baby with Down’s a few months ago. We knew well in advance so I can’t imagine your shock. I know the “but why me” very very well.
Don’t feel bad about all your bad horrible emotions. I promise you that you will love this baby—even if you can’t bear to right now. Don’t play the blame game: you were just picked by G-d to be a part of a little club Smile

Expect people to not know what to say, but don’t expect them to be awful. People were so much kinder than we expected. I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time on fear of others: everyone knows it’s not your fault, just something you were chosen to do.

tweek

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:12 pm

Mazel tov! I want to just tell you that if you can write like this on the day your baby is born, there is no doubt that you will iyh be an incredible mother to her. I cant even express myself that way with any of my babies on the day they are born. I'm such a mess after!

I wanted to share something that a wise person once told me that really resonated about a different challenge in my life and has helped me a lot since. I'm always reluctant to share in case the other person is not yet ready, so feel free to disregard.
Something about your last post told me it might be helpful to you. This person taught me a simple formula:
Resistance =pain and
Acceptance =serenity
I refer to this often. Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed or pain about circumstances, I tune into myself and realize that I'm fighting my reality in some way and that's what is creating pain. It's like holding your breath versus breathing through physical pain. The resistance causes additional pain on top of what is legitimately a difficult situation.

I hope I'm expressing myself clearly and not saying this in the wrong way.

I wish you lots of nachas and siyata dishmaya!

amother

Apricot

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:23 pm

I'm very opposed to the cio (cry it out) method for babies, but for adults (and for myself) I think it's cathartic to cry it out.

Personally, when I have a situation I need to cry about , it helps if while I'm crying I try to get in touch with the deepest pain I'm crying about. Sometimes it's not articulable. When I can find words for the tears, I have more relief.
While I'm crying I think the words, I don't say them out loud necessarily.

happymom123

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:25 pm

OP, you sound like such a strong woman. Your baby is so blessed to have you as her mother. May she and your other children bring you much joy and nachas!

ROFL

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:35 pm

You are allowed to grieve the dream of a typical child - you have had that dream for nine months. But look at you ! You are amazing moving thru that grieve and finding chizuk In the words of the many woman here !
You will go forward and find your new dreams for you, your beautiful girl, and your wonderful family. Use the resource here. Reach out and feel supported !

May Hashem Grant you a wonderful gut gbenched year - a Shana Tova and Metukah for your new path in life.

amother

Jetblack

Fri, Sep 14 2018, 6:44 pm

And as a follow up to Apricot's post, don't forget to laugh. When you're done crying, or you're not but you need to be, laugh instead. Laugh at a joke from ten years ago, at a silly noise dd makes, at a seemingly ridiculous part of caring for her, or just at the unfathomable whirlwind that is your life. It releases in a lot of the same ways crying does, but it lifts the whole room up, including you.

amother

↑ Seafoam ↓

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 10:27 pm

WOW, thank you so much, everyone! I cried through all of your posts and your words of wisdom and chizuk were so helpful to me.

This Shabbos was very peaceful and I definitely bonded with baby and felt better after some sleep. I am feeling so weak physically and emotionally, and keep crying every so often but a lot of it is from the hormones, and also a lot of my tears are at the intensity of the situation, realizing that life won’t be the same, but also thinking that Hashem is with me and this is what is right for me - and if I don’t feel that yet in my heart, then knowing that this baby will bring me there.

amother

Forestgreen

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 10:35 pm

Op you sound amazing. Was this a total shock, did you do any prenatal testing?

smileyfaces

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 11:13 pm

Mazel tov on your baby! She should bring you lots of nachas!! People with Down’s syndrome are some of the happiest people I’ve met. She should fill your home and hearts with loads of happiness.

amother

↑ Powderblue ↓

Sat, Sep 15 2018, 11:26 pm

Here is a great book for you to have in your house- http://www.feldheim.com/our-ne......html

amother

↑ Denim

Mon, Sep 17 2018, 4:45 am

Just thinking of you. I hope you are doing ok.

amother

↑ Seafoam ↓

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 12:34 am

Hi everyone,

I thought I would come here to let you know how I’m doing.

BH, BH, I’m really good. Recovered well from birth. Baby is also doing well. We love her so much and she is bringing so much joy to her family and everyone who meets her.

Those first few days in the hospital were so hard. Just processing the news and my emotions. I had to cry it all out and let myself feel whatever I was feeling. I have to say I’m so glad I let myself do that, because it paved the way to recovering emotionally. I was so amazed by how better I started to feel, so soon after, b’chasdei Hashem!

This is not to say that it has been completely easy, of course. I still worry about my little baby and her future, and wonder what will be etc. Wonder if I could have taken more folic acid before conception and it would have been different. And other things I’ve read on the internet etc etc. Before I remind myself that this is the way Hashem wants her to be.

But I also am enjoying her immensely, maybe even more than my other kids’ baby stages, because I realise how precious her life is. I have a greater appreciation for life and health.

Anyway, what I really came here to say was THANK YOU. Thank you for the incredible support that I received from you all when I needed it the most. This was Imamother at its best. Your responses were a balm to my aching heart, I felt so much love and support from people - whom I don’t know, and I will never know your identities - but felt connected to nonetheless from the strength of your kind words.

ila

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 12:52 am

Waw! Such beautiful update! May hashem help you to see much nachat from her and the rest of the family!

↑ Miri7

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 12:54 am

Th am you so much for coming back with an update. I am so happy to hear that you and DD are doing well. Mazal tov!

bestme

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 10:49 am

Happy to hear that you and baby are so good!

Chana Miriam S

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 10:55 am

Mazal Tov! I am the mother of a child with another disability. He is an adult so let me just say that being devastated is normal and doesn’t make you a bad mother. It’s a long story what we went through but the trauma is real. The trauma won’t last forever. Once she starts having developmental victories, it gets better. The thing is that you don’t have time to waste. Get hooked up to every service/intervention that you can and get yourself supported ASAP. All of this will help you help her which will help you. God bless you and your whole family.

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