Does misery love company

amother

Slategray

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 11:54 am

Maybe it’s a bad heading but does it make you feel better when you read on imamother about people going through much worse than what you’re living through? Does it make you say “Thank G-d my sistuation isn’t so bad?” Of course we feel so sorry for other people here going through bad things but how does it make us feel about our own lives?

amother

Gold

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 12:53 pm

Sometimes reading other people's stories makes me realize that our life's circumstances doesn't define us. It helps me detach from my own problems seeing that it's the game of life.

We all work for Hashem's CIA, NSA, or whatever, yet, we have cover stories. My cover story is my presence. How I hold myself in conversation, and how I interact with the people around me. Other people's cover story may be their role as mom, breadwinner, and community activist.

My secret spy mission is experiencing life's challenges, and growing through those challenges, on the inside of me. I strive to be like leah, when Zilpah gave birth to her first child. She called the child Gad. To the world, she played the cover story really well. She said "my elation has come", but deep down she was processing through the "betrayal" she felt that Yaakov accepted Zilpa, and that she only found out about Zilpa's pregnancy later into the pregnancy, leaving her with not enough time to work through all of her feelings. Nevertheless, she kept her presence of gratefulness and joy, (coverstory) and worked through the pain of the betrayal in the privacy of her mind (secret mission).

Reading other people's experiences reminds me of this crucial concept. I'm usually attracted to those threads when I'm wrapped up in my own first world problems. It helps me feel the comraderie and human vulnerability that we all face, and it brings me back on track.

Sleepymama

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 1:13 pm

Oh my goodness, that was so beautifully expressed!!
Same! I think this this the true source of my ima mother addiction. I'm so fascinated by the "secret missions" we are all going though and so bored of the "cover stories" I encounter in real life. Before I started frequenting imamother I thought I had a monopoly on life's problems. Now I know better. This is the whole game, this is what we are here for. It's comforting to know that it's not just me who is having a hard "run" through this life. I wonder what life would be like if all interaction and communication was as open and honest and vulnerable as it is here on this forum...

amother

Teal

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 4:00 pm

Of course misery loves company, but usually only miserable company. Most miserable people don't want to hear about other people's happiness. Those who do are very special people indeed.

My one big takeaway from imamother is that I have such a terrific life compared to so many, I can't even count my blessings.

amother

Amber

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 7:12 pm

I dont think it always makes me feel better because sometimes I say "wow I feel so bad for her" " I would never be able to manage wat shes going through" but then if I focus on wat im going through I tell myself "im still going through a lot and its still very hard for me" but a small part of me is saying im grateful for that thing like if someone here is struggling with infertility, ill feel their pain and say thank u hashem for my children .....but then I continue to feel sorry for myself.

Also, regarding hearing that other ppl are happy or having a "good life" or a yeshua from their problem...then im genuinely happy for them but a part of me feels bad for myself or jealous that I didnt get my yeshua. So im happy she got a yeshua but I want it for myself. Im happy for her and dont want her to continue suffering but I also want my yeshua....BUT IF I HEAR MY ENEMY(someone who did very mean things to me) GOT A YESHUA then ill be very angry even though im supposed to trust that hashem has a plan.....