Am I being too strict and unreasonable?

amother

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 5:42 pm

My daughter is 17 in 11 grade. She has a large group of friends.
I b”h have several daughters all much older than her.
She is constantly going out with friends all over. They are good girls and I know they are going to kosher places but she is always asking for money to go out to eat.
Tonight she called me to ask if I would take her and her friends to either a friends house or to an ice cream shop, They wanted to socialize.
I told her no because firstly she just assumed I would take her at 8 at night. Didn’t ask first just told me her friend is waiting for her to come so she has to go.
Second I know she is 17 and not a child but she does have school tomorrow.

Am I being unreasonable? I don’t remember my other girls ever doing this.
Dare to say but am I getting old? Do high school girls go out to restaurants on a school night to socialize now a days?

#BestBubby

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 5:47 pm

I think 17 yo should earn her spending money, like babysitting.
Unless she has to do tons of help at home.

And I think going to ice cream shop should be for sundays, not school nites.

but I'm a Bubby, so I don't know what's the "norm" today.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 5:48 pm

My 16DD would say you are very unreasonable and horrible, just like her mother.
Don't know the answer, but I can relate.

tryinghard

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 5:49 pm

I’m not sure whether you were unreasonable to say she couldn’t go, but you were certainly not unreasonable in saying you weren’t driving her.

oneofakind

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 5:53 pm

She should be paying for these things herself and you have the right to say no to driving 8:00 at night on a school night for no special project/ test etc. especially without prior notice.

amother

Silver

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 5:54 pm

If she had simply asked you if she could go out, I'd say you're being unreasonable. She's 17, and yes, if she wants to go out and socialize on a school night at 8pm, it's time to chill out.

But I hear where you're coming from in that she just expected you to chauffeur. I'd have said no, as well, while explaining that the issue was the expectation.

thunderstorm

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 5:56 pm

I went out for ice cream and to restaurants with friends on school nights but none of us asked our parents to take us and we spent our own money on such things.

#BestBubby

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 6:08 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I went out for ice cream and to restaurants with friends on school nights but none of us asked our parents to take us and we spent our own money on such things.

how did you get there?

thunderstorm

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 6:19 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

how did you get there?

We would go straight from school, share a car service, or walk and meet up somewhere. I lived in the city. It’s different when you live in rural areas. But many girls in rural areas are driving at 16 already.

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 6:27 pm

I can not believe an 11th grader is asking her parents for money to go out to eat with friends! That is what her own money is for!

Amarante

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 7:21 pm

Doesn’t she have an allowance?

I had some degree of social freedom as a teenager especially since I lived in New York so I wasn’t generally reliant on parents to drive me. On the other hand, I had to pay for social activities from my allowance. Since my parents wanted me to concentrate on schoolwork they didn’t make me earn money during the school year but they certainly wouldn’t have given me money outside my allowance to eat out unless it was a super special occasion.

However all my friends were on similar right budgets so none of us were doing a lot of fine dining. We would mostly nurse a cup of coffee or a soda for as long as possible :-)

Notsobusy

Sun, Nov 03 2019, 7:21 pm

I have a dd around that age and she does go out on school nights just to socialize. Shes actually out right now. I dont have a problem driving, my kids know I'll pick them up until midnight, but that's me, not everyone will do that.

My dd earns her own money, she never asks me to pay. She babysits all the time and she worked the last few summers so its not a problem for her.