Kallah/chassan gifts/responsibilities?

amother

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 6:34 am

So bh ds is engageged! Now what? I know there's not one exact standard in terms of exactly what is done, but I would appreciate some general guidelines! We live in Flatbush if that helps. So far I understand that we give the kallah a ring (obviously : ) a bracelet, flowers for the vort, mony towards a sheitel/sheitel, candlesticks, a gift for in the yichud room (not sure exactly what that's supposed to be unless it's maybe jewelry from the chassan that the family buys? or is it something seperate from the gift from the chassan?), also the boy's family makes a aufruf Shabbos (obviously), and are we also responsible for Shabbos sheva brachos? What does the girl's family need to take care of? The vort, a watch for the chassan, anything else? are they generally responsible for setting up the apartment in terms of buying furniture/appliances, etc? Is this list right? Anything else that should be added? would like to do what's right and generally expected, but not overspend!! I would really appreciate any advice! Thank you!!

amother

Chocolate

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 7:18 am

Mazal tov!
There is no correct answer to your questions. Everyone has different expectations and different negotiations with the other side. The best would be to communicate with them, either directly or through a mutually respected Rav or even the shadchan.
Much nachas!

Elfrida

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 7:25 am

I'm used to the boys family doing the aufruf and the girls family doing Shabbos Sheva Brachos. Then they spend the first Shabbos after that with the boys family. But every community does these things differently. It's not set in stone.

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 7:42 am

different customs in different circles -- we asked our rebbetzin who gave us the general guidelines as well as friends in our circles who had married off kids already

Mazel Tov!

amother

Beige

Fri, Jul 17 2020, 8:06 am

I married off a few sons and did not give money towards a sheitel. I did, however, get a beautiful watch. We do not do shabbos sheva brochos but if you don't have enough people to make during the week, you might consider doing that.
If you have more than one son, keep in mind that whatever you do for this son you have to do for the others!
Mazel tov and enjoy this special time