My 4 year old is a big kvetch

amother

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 11:18 am

What do I do if my son is really kvetchy? Any time he wants or needs something he'll ask in a kvetchy way. I feel like he needs a lot of attention which I try to give him but since I am busy with my other 2 kids I am busy and can't sit there talking to him all day. I would love to it's just not possible. How would you handle it? It literally drives me crazy and I have to be very patient with him and sometimes it just gets to me. I need advice on how to deal with it. Thank you.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 11:42 am

"I can't understand you when you talk like that. Try again." Rinse and repeat.
Try modeling the way he should ask and have him repeat after you.
Realize he's still little and needs you and just doesn't know how to fill that need respectfully.

When he asks nicely, lap on the praise specific to that "wow, you asked for that without whining. I appreciate when you ask nicely and then I can understand you and help you!"

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 11:54 am

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

Some kids are just like that.
They don’t grow out of it so fast... if ever!
I’m still waiting 🙂

DD was a delightful baby and toddler. Then she hit 4, and it was a nightmare year for both of us. It's a miracle we both survived. B'H, when she started kindergarten she leveled out again, and her behavior got even better once we got her tonsils out. (Recurrent strep was not helping things.)

So, at least by me, it does get better - at least until puberty hits! LOL

I also said "I can't understand you when you talk like that. Can you say it again nicely?" With enough consistency, she eventually got out of the habit. I also praised her like crazy when she asked nicely. "I would LOVE to give you a cookie! Thank you for asking so nicely. It makes me feel really good when you speak to me like that."

As she got older, she'd occasionally bark an order at me. "Mama, get me a sandwich!", and I'd calmly say "Excuse me?" wondering

As soon as I said that, she knew she'd crossed a line, and she'd backtrack and ask nicely. Then I'd convince her to come into the kitchen with me and pick out what she wants on her sandwich.

Once I asked her "Why do you want me to make sandwiches? You're a big girl, and you can do it by yourself. You don't need to wait for me to make it." She said "Because when you make them, they taste better." Heart

How can you say no to that?

amother

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 1:38 pm

thanks for all the replies. I constantly say I am not listening to kvetching if you say It nicely I can help you and it doesn't seem to help(it helps for that time but after that it happens again). Another issue I have which is a separate issue is that when my kids all need help and I cant do everything at once I find that I get very tense and get very pressured from it. I tell them I cant do everything at once but it's hard for a toddler to understand that. When they want something they want it now. Does anyone ever get this feeling? I wish I can be a more relaxed mother...