Preventing narcissistic entitled adults

thunderstorm ↓

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:26 pm

I don’t know if it’s true , but the therapist that I tried once and didn’t work out , told me that when there is a narcissistic parent , there is usually at least one child that comes out as a narcissist as well. Scary thought.

↑ behappy2 ↓

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:33 pm

Zehava wrote:

We get healthy ourselves so we can parent from a healthy place. It’s all about balance.

I think that's true for lots of things in parenting, but not necessarily narcissism. Rcently there have been studies on how all the focus in America on self esteem caused a rise in Narcissism. I think there may be th ings we do as parents that we are not aware can cause narcissism and entitlement. Also its a myth that Narcisstic ppl feel insecure.

↑ Zehava ↓

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:39 pm

behappy2 wrote:

I disagree on both counts. I think the idea of “spoiled kids” causing Narcissism is a myth. Those kids might be less prepared for adulthood and maybe a tad more entitled but from there to narcissism is a quantum leap.
Every narcissist I know was raised by unhealthy parents. And most narcissists I know are insecure, depending on their supply like a drowning person. The other ones I probably didn’t get close enough to see it.

↑ behappy2 ↓

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:44 pm

Zehava wrote:

Science is proving otherwise. Also spoiled with love is not the same thing as overblown ego, or emotionally coddling or neglecting to instill values or consequences for behaviors. I happen to be super chill mom and don't either ascribe to the "you will spoil them rotten" concept.

↑ thunderstorm ↓

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:47 pm

Narcissism is a result of extremely low self esteem. Often those narcissists were put on a pedestal by their narcissistic parent , when they were kids. They were not shown empathy. Deep down they know as children that they are here as an extension of their parent or parents. They don’t grow up with a sense of self. Therefore they try to see themselves through other people because they are too afraid to face themselves and their own low sense of self. Hurting others, knocking others down etc. is a way for them to feel like they are worthy of something. This does not come from too much coddling and entitlement. This is the result of a really unhealthy parent or parents.

↑ behappy2

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:48 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

That's not true. Look into Dr Simon's work. He has a couple of books, just listened to an interview with him today. It can be found on you tube. Very enlightening and empowering if dealing with a manipulative, entitled person.

Last edited by behappy2 on Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:54 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Orchid

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:49 pm

Model health for your children.

Model non self centered healthy thinking.

Model healthy boundaries.

Model being non controlling and focusing on improving yourself.

Model simchas hachayim and gratitude to Hashem for every brocha in our life.

↑ Zehava

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:56 pm

behappy2 wrote:

What you’re describing usually comes from being unhealthy. Usually it’s the golden child in an unhealthy family system that grows up to be a narcissist.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 4:16 pm

Model appreciation yourself. Husbands should thank their wives for supper at supper for the kids to hear.
Live below your means - don't get the best you can afford all the time.
When my kids went to EY they were so grateful that we pulled off sending them that they were barely homesick, definitely not at the beginning.

ChassidishMommy

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 4:19 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

http://estd.org/narcissism-consequence-trauma-and-early-experiences

According to this article both causes are actually true:
"Narcissistic features can come from childhood environments characterized by excessive deviations from ideal rearing, where either neglect/abuse (not enough caring attention) or over-pampering (too much caring attention) is present (Stone, 1993). Like the abusive parents, these latter “apparently supportive” parents cannot look at their child in a complete and integrated way. They do not see their “true child” but an idealized, unrealistic one. Abusive parents also see an unrealistic image of their child, but in a devalued form."

This makes a lot of sense. Narcissists don't have any sense of self that is independent of other people. While the abused child never formed a sense of identity, the spoiled child learned to depend on others to uphold his identity.