Can’t do this any more

kneidel94

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 11:15 pm

Let me start of by saying that I love her so so much. She’s the light of my life and I waited so much for her.

I’m a first time mom to a 15 week old baby. She’s exclusively breastfed. At night time she wakes up 4+ times a night. She’s never been a good sleeper and never slept through really so I don’t even think it’s a phase. I’m exhausted, and I know ‘it’ll pass’, I know ‘it’s temporary’, I know ‘they grow up so quickly’- I know.

I just feel like everyone else’s baby that I speak to sleep much better than she does. I’ve been up with her tonight every 1-2 hours. I’m sleep deprived, I just can’t do this any more.

We have a bedtime routine. We follow appropriate wake times during the day. She takes four (usually) good naps during the day I’m her room. I’ve don’t so much reading on the subject and I don’t know what else to do.

She’s my baby and I won’t let her cry in her crib - maximum for 2/3 minutes I could let her. But she just gets hysterical anyway if I leave her to cry so it isn’t worth it.

Thanks for reading. Can anyone save my sanity please?? 🙏🏽🙏🏽

ExtraCredit

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 11:18 pm

Been there, done that. Time and again. We tend to forget. I promise they end up growing up and sleeping more than you’d like. I know it’s no consolation for you at the moment. Just hang in there! You’re a superhero! Welcome to the club! Don’t forget to tell your mom how much you appreciate everything she did for you!

amother

Silver

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 11:19 pm

What saved my sanity is having DH give baby a bottle at night or whenever I needed him to do it.
It's nice to nurse but a your sanity comes first.
Would you try giving her mylicon drops to soothe her stomach? Or if you're comfortable with her sleeping on her stomach, maybe try it out.

allthingsblue

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 11:22 pm

Hugs! It's really tough!
Do you have any books? If you live near me I'd be happy to lend to you. I have Healthy asleep habits by marc weissbluth and another one, I don't remember the name.

Daytime: put baby in for a nap every 1.5-2 hours. I think 3 naps is ideal. Long morning nap, rest of the naps shorter.

Do you have a white noise machine? Is the room dark?
Keep baby up for a stretch of time before bed and see if that helps.
Feed baby a bottle of pumped milk or formula (even if you don't do formula, it might be worth trying to see if this helps your baby sleep) for the last feed before bed. When your baby wakes up after an hour or two, see if you can satisfy baby with a pacifier instead of nursing.
Good luck. It's so so so hard. But you will both get past this.
I hope you have some good coffee or are able to nap when the baby naps...

shmosmom

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 11:24 pm

Hugs.
Being a new mom is HARD! It's up to you, but you can introduce the bottle. If you don't want to give formula, you can try pumping but really a happy and healthy mom is better for the child than a tired exhausted cranky mom that exclusively breastfeeds.
You can also try minimizing one nap, and feeding every 3 hours versus feeding on demand.

Good luck!!

tichellady

Tue, Aug 04 2020, 12:54 am

Hugs, sleep deprivation is so so hard. So far it’s the hardest part of parenthood for me ( except for pregnancy). What’s your schedule like during the day- are you working? Can you hire someone to watch the baby so you can sleep during the day at all? Your baby is still young but start to think about sleep training. I was very opposed until I realized I was going to be a terrible mother and person if I didn’t get some sleep. I needed to set some clear boundaries so I could function.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Aug 04 2020, 1:27 am

I don't think her waking every 1-2 hours is healthy for her or for you. I wonder if she's not getting enough milk when she's breastfeeding. Have you tried pumping to see how much supply you have? Why don't you pump a feeding and give her that and see how she sleeps (at least then you can actually see how much she's taking).

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 04 2020, 1:40 am

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Excellent advice! I know that once I got DD to take a bottle at night, she slept like an angel.

OP, the number one way to make yourself miserable, is to compare your baby with all of your friends' babies. Every baby is different (within a normal range, of course.) My DD started teething at 3 months old! By the time she was 4 months she had two bottom teeth in. My friend's baby was still toothless at a year, nursing like a champ, and sleeping like an angel. My brother started WALKING when he was 7 months old (my mom was beside herself.) So you can see, you get the baby that G-d gives you.

When I was up all night with DD screaming her brains out because of colic, I kept repeating to myself "I love this baby. I davened for this baby. If the baby went away I would be sad." This was my mantra, and it was the only thing that kept me sane. Until you find a better solution, you are welcome to use this.

Bottom line, what does your pediatrician have to say? Is your baby gaining weight on schedule? This could be a key indicator of the above mentioned low milk supply.

Hang in there mama, you can do this! Just keep reaching out for support, and remember that babies do not come with personally specialized manuals. So much of it is educated guesses.

amother

Gold

Tue, Aug 04 2020, 2:24 am

I felt exactly like you with my first. And second. I read every book I could find, I tried every method known to human kind, I was a mess.
Then with my third I changed. I was more connected to motherhood, more in-tune with the baby. I saw the crib wasn’t good for him- I never put him there again. He slept next to me ( I know, I know, scary, but it’s the only way we both got a few hours of sleep. I developed a method of putting him higher than us in the bed so that chas v’shalom nothing can happen).
I introduced a bottle when I felt I didn’t have enough milk - that helped as well.
I was so much more calm, and SURE of myself - and that has changed the experience for both the baby and me.
I know it’s hard to developed confidence with your first but there’s nothing that helps more.
Your baby feels you.
If at all possible- ask DH to let you sleep a few hours. Then try to wake up and breath. Try to do the least possible to stress you, the most possible to calm you down. Other than you and baby - nothing is important.
Look at your baby and try to connect to her. See her sans the exhaustion.
Good luck , you sound like an amazing mom!