Making your kids want to listen

amother

Wine

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 7:13 pm

Nurtured Heart approach
"How to talk so kids listen" also has some great tips.

When kids (people, rather) feel validated and heard, they naturally are more agreeable. When they feel like you are on their team and you believe in them, they respond accordingly. When they feel you have only their best interests at heart and feel recognized as a successful, amazing person, you raise them up to be successful and amazing.

All your parenting energy goes into noticing their successes and greatness.

giselle

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 8:05 pm

trixx wrote:

Why is obedience the goal?

Yes, what exactly do you mean by obedience?

When you create a positive atmosphere in the home, children are more likely to listen when asked to do something. That doesn’t mean they won’t need a reminder every. single. day. to put away their shoes, but they also won’t fight about it and will be happy to listen.

My teenage son is extremely helpful around the house. He helps me with whatever I need. I try not to ask too much of him, but there are times when he is really a lifesaver. He never complains about it. He’ll easily cook half of shabbos if I need. At the same time, I’m pretty sure his suit jacket from Shabbos is still sitting on a chair in the kitchen even though I asked him a few times to put it away. But I don’t get upset about it. My husband and I make it into a joke, making bets how long it will stay there. I told him today that I don’t need to buy throw blankets for the couch because his blazer seems to be doing the trick. My point is that there is an overall light and positive atmosphere and I realize not to freak out over the blazer. And in turn, he is the most helpful wonderful child.

trixx

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 8:59 pm

Kids listen and are happy to "obey" when expectations are clear, consistent, fair and clearly stated. And developmentally appropriate.

Kids will still always try to test rules, be too tired/hungry/cranky to follow them, or sometimes be developmentally incapable. In those cases, like any adult, they want compassion and guidance to help them. No kid ever wants to be a bad kid. If your kid is giving you a bad time, it's bc he has having a hard time.

This is true of ages baby to high school.